


I Want To, But I Can't

by terraknives



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, F/F, F/M, Mostly fluff and plot, Multi, no angst really, no one dies, slight reference to depression and self-harm in the beginning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 47,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26009158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terraknives/pseuds/terraknives
Summary: Clarke was standing at the edge of the cliff ready to let herself fall when she was interrupted by a green eyes stranger. Who is she and what changes will she bring into Clarke's life?All Lexa wanted was break, but you never realy get what you want.
Relationships: Anya & Lexa (The 100), Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Lexa & Luna (The 100), Luna/Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake/Lincoln
Comments: 91
Kudos: 254





	1. Just doing some reasech

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. this is my first time writting a fic, so i apologize for any mistakes. Feedback will be appreciated. I hope you find this story enjoyable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W : There's attempt to suicide in this chapter

_"What's the big deal, just stop doing it."_

_"Why are you like this?"_

_"You're too broken to fix."_

_"Why do you always have to be this way?"_

_"Everyone is better off without you."_

* * *

Clarke took a deep breath. In the crisp midnight air, the smell of the forest enveloped her senses, it brought a sense of relief. As far as last moments go, this was pretty good. At this moment she only felt peace.

The moon was in it's full glory, casting a slight glow to everything around her. She could even see the jagged rocks down below the cliff she was about to jump from. She shivered slightly as the cold wind blew.

This was for the best, not just for her but for everyone. She's only ever hurt people, her friends, her family, she's only ever brought them pain. 

She didn't mean to, of course she didn't. She never wanted to hurt them. She's tried to get better, she wants to get better but, she just can't. 

_"Are you sure about that?"_ a voice cut through the silence.

She spun around a bit too fast and was surprised she didn't give herself whiplash. She peered into the darkness of the trees. No one was supposed to be here, it's 1 am in the middle of nowhere.

She squinted slightly to find a pair of vibrant green eyes staring at her. For a moment she let herself, get lost in the depth of those eyes. They were beautiful and for the first time in 6 months she wanted to sketch something out.

They were concerned about her, great just another person she's bothered with her personal problems.

The other person walked towards her and sat down on the edge of the cliff besides her, legs dangling over the edge. 

She stared at the other girl, she was just as pretty as her eyes. She had chestnut brown hairs tied in an intricate pattern of braids, some sticks and leaves sticking out of them. She couldn't help but wonder how long it must've taken for that braid.

The girl looked at Clarke expectantly, so she sat down a few inches away from the other girl, not knowing what she was supposed to do. This was awkward.

The other girl had just a black tank top and ripped jeans on. Despite the coldness of the winter, she didn't seem to be cold at all. Whereas Clarke was bundled up in a blue shirt and a thick black leather jacket, taht she may or may not jave stolen from Raven a year ago.

 _"Aren't you going to give me some noble speech about how i shouldn't give up on life?"_ she finally spoke, trying her best to not stare at the girl.

The other girl laughed, it was probably the sweetest laugh Clarke had ever heard. She could spend hours listening to her laugh if she wasn't confused as to what she said was so funny.

 _"What's so funny?"_ she asked.

 _"If you wanna die, by all means go ahead. But you didn't look like you wanted to."_ she replied with a shrug.

 _"You don't know anything about me."_ Clarke snapped.

 _"Your right. I don't."_ she replied, calmy. _"But i do know a thing or two about death."_

 _"Oh yeah? You're talking as if you've seen death like a hundred times before."_ she scoffed. This pretty stranger was getting on her nerves now. 

_"Yeah, something like that."_ she replied, with a sad expression.

_"Whatever. Why are you here? This is literally in the middle of nowhere at 1:30am and you're definitely not from around here."_

_"I was just taking a walk."_ she replied. _"Why are you doing here?_ _"_

 _"Oh nothing much, just doing some research on whether I'll die from this 50 foot fall or not."_ Clarke replied, _two can play the game,_ she thought.

 _"That's some interesting reaserch topic."_ she replied with a laugh

 _"Whatever."_ Clarke huffed.

This wasn't how she saw tonight going. She wasn't even sure how she thought tonight would go. But, meeting a pretty stranger while trying to kill herself was not it.

She got up and walked towards her bag and slung it over her shoulders. She was here to get something done and now that she couldn't there was no use staying.

Although a small part of her wanted to sit besides the stranger and talk about everything and nothing, but that would be awkward.

She had stuffed her phone, shoes and last letters for her mom, sister and her best friend even though they haven't talked in a while. All three letters were filled with apologizes for everything they've had to go through because of her in the past few months.

She took one last look behind her to find a pair of green eyes already watching her. She gave Clarke a slight nod and with that Clarke walked away. She would try some other time, preferably without any interruptions.

On the way back to her car, she couldn't help but wonder, who was this mysterious girl? There was something about the girl that attracted her. Maybe it was her beauty. Yeah it was definitely that. Especially her jawline. Yeah, Clarke was a sucker for sharp jawlines.

  
She laughed lightly at that as she sat in her car and started it, back to home. Hopefully her mother won't be home and Madi would still be asleep. No one needs to know what she came to do here.


	2. Taking A Walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa's pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy reading ~

Lexa was running. She didn't know where she was going but she just knew she had to get her and Aden away from here, and she had to do it fast.

Aden was uncousious, his shiny blonde hairs covered in his blood or maybe it was her blood, she had no idea. She would've stopped to heal him first, but there was no time. Someone or something was following them. 

She could feel it's hatred for her and Aden. It hated them so much it sent chills down her entire body. She had no idea why it hated them. And her parents, god, she left them to fend for themselves. 

She shook those thoughts away. Now was not the time to think about them because right now her priority was to keep herself and Aden safe, even though she had no idea how to do that.

It wad moments like these she thanked her past self for all the hours she spent in the gym. But, she's been running for almost 30 minutes, carrying Aden zig-zagging through the woods and she was getting tired and the thing following them wasn't letting up. 

And then she slipped. Of all the ways to go down, she fucking slipped and tumbled down the slope. Her head was about to hit the ground when her eyes shot open.

She gasped, trying to force her lungs to breath in some air. After a few seconds of gasping for air she got her breathing some what under control. She looked around, she was safe, no one was following her and Aden was safe in his room.

She was drenched in sweat despite it being winter and her shirt clung to her body uncomfortably. 

She sat up and looked at the clock on her bedside, it was barely midnight and she had got a measly 2 hours of sleep, yet she knew sleep wouldn't come. Logically she knew she should get some more rest as she had her first day at Arkadia High School tomorrow.

But, she got up and changed into a black tank top and the first lower she could find, which happened to be her ripped jeans. She put on her commando boots and tied her hairs in her usual braids, just the way her mom used to do it.

She walked over to the window of her 1st floor bedroom, it wasn't that high so she probably won't hurt herself if she jumped down. Well, only one way to know.

She took a deep breath and jumped. Just before she hit the ground, she curled up her body to lessen the impact and roled over.

 _"Well, that wasn't so bad."_ she muttered as she dusted her clothes.

She looked around, no one had heard her sneak out. She sighed as she walked into the woods behind the house. 

Aden and Lexa lived with their parents in Polis until they were attacked, about 3 months ago. Their parents died in the attack. Aden and Lexa barely managed to escape alive.

Aden was unconscious through the whole ordeal so he didn't know much, but Lexa saw it all happen and those memories haunted her. She was glad Aden didn't share her burden.

Their aunt Indra took them in, but they had to move to Arkadia, which wasn't much if a problem for them considering they did spend every other holiday with Indra and her kids, Anya and Lincoln. The four cousins were a close-knit gang. Anya being the oldest and Aden the youngest. Lincoln was just a week older than Lexa.

They were all witches, powerful ones at that, although none of them could beat Lexa, whether physically or magically. Lexa was one of the most strongest witch of her generation. That was why she was 'The Commander'. 

But what use being the commander when she couldn't even save her loved ones. She was useless. She couldn't do anything except run. The day her parents died, she stopped using magic.

Lexa was walking aimlessly in the woods, when she felt someone else's presence. Her body immediately tensed up and reflexively her hand went to the dual daggers she always kept in her boots.

But when she walked through the trees to the edge if a cliff and saw her, she relaxed. There was no danger expect probably the fact that the girl on the edge was going to jump of the cliff.

The way the moonlight hit her, made her look like a goddess. Her blonde hairs shone in the dark but her deep blue eyes were sad, she looked dead. It made Lexa's heart clench.

The blonde goddess had a black leather jacket that looked a bit big on her and black jeans. It was quite cold tonight but the cold had never bothered her anyways. Her body was practically a furnance.

It was honestly none of her business and she should just leave the blonde to her own, but she couldn't stop herself. 

_"Are you sure about that?"_ she called out.

The blonde turned around quickly and peered into the dark until she found Lexa. She frowned slightly but didn't say anything.

So Lexa just went out and sat down on the edge of the cliff. It was pretty high and the moon provided enough light to see what would happen if she were to fall. But she still dangled her leg over the edge, waiting for the other girl to say something.

After a few moments, she girl sat besides Lexa but a bit farther. She frowned at the distance, she had hoped the blonde would sit a bit closer at least.

 _"Aren't you going to give me some noble speech about how i shouldn't give up on life?"_ the blonde spoke.

Lexa laughed at that. She had actually no idea what she was doing here or what she was going to say, but giving a speech about life wasn't one of them.

 _"I don't think I'm qualified enough for that."_ she said. _"If you wanna die, by all means go ahead. But you didn't look like you wanted to."_ she replied with a shrug.

It was true. The blonde looked tired and exhausted but she didn't looked like someone who had given up. Before Lexa interrupted, she seemed to be giving herself a pep talk, probably, listing all the reasons she should be dead. 

_"You don't know anything about me."_ she snapped.

 _"You're right. I don't."_ _but i would like to_ , she thought. _"But i do know a thing or two about death."_

 _"Oh yeah? You're talking as if you've seen death like a hundred times before."_ she scoffed.

 _"Yeah, something like that."_ Lexa replied, with a sad expression.

_"Whatever. Why are you here? This is literally in the middle of nowhere at 1:30am and you're definitely not from around here."_

_"I was just taking a walk."_ she replied. _"Why are you doing here?"_

 _"Oh nothing much, just doing some research on whether I'll die from this 50 foot fall or not."_ , the blonde relied.

 _"That's some interesting reaserch topic."_ Lexa replied with a laugh

 _"Whatever."_ the blonde huffed.

She got up from besides her and walked towards the woods with a black duffel slung on her shoulder. Lexa followed her movements.

She turned and looked back at Lexa one last time and walked away. Lexa felt utterly disappointed. She had hoped the girl would stay and talk with her for a while.

She stared at the spot the blonde had vanished from for a while. She must be from Arkadia, so Lexa would surely meet her again. With that thought Lexa got up and walked back to her new home.

There was no way she could've climbed back up through her own window so she opted to knock at Anya's window as she had her room at the ground floor.

 _"Wha, Lexie? Why are you outside?"_ she spoke, half asleep as she opened the window.

 _"Couldn't sleep, went for a walk."_ she replied climbing in.

 _"You literally just got off the casts, Lexie."_ Anya said as she walked over to her closet and threw an oversized brown shirt and shorts at Lexa.

She grabbed it and silently changed in the corner of the room as Anya flopped down at her bed and lifted the covers for Lexa to join her.

 _"God Lexie, you're all i need to fall asleep in this cold."_ she replied snuggling into Lexa. Lexa only hummed in reply.

Only Anya got away with calling Lexa Lexie because even though Lexa was strong, Anya was crafty with her methods. Getting tangled with Anya was not something you would wanna do.

If asked, neither cousin will confirm snuggling into each other and sleeping. They were admired for being bad-asses, not cuddlers.

Lexa closed her eyes and let herself he lulled to sleep by the sound if Anya's breathing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedbacks are welcomed :)  
> 


	3. Talk To Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: Self harm and panic attack mentioned  
> .  
> .  
> hope you guys enjoy ~

  
The next morning Clarke woke up to her phone buzzing mercilessly besides her. She opened her eyes with a groan and reached for her phone.

 _"Hello?"_ she said, her voice hoarse.

She squinted as she stared at the clock, trying to make sense of the numbers flashing, 7:00. Why won't her phone won't stop ringing.

She pulled her phone away from her ear and glared at it. It was her alarm not a call. She groaned as she shut the alarm and threw her phone aside. Why did she even have an alarm.

She got up and trudged towards the bathroom to freshen up. As she stared at her reflection in the mirror she couldn't help but cringe. Her face looked sunken and her bed hair was terrible and not to mention the bags under her eyes.

Her gaze flicked lower and she wished she hadn't. Angry red lines covered most part of her thighs, some old, some new. At least they weren't bleeding today, that would've been annoying. 

She shook the thoughts away and and quickly freshened up and walked back into her room to get dressed. She did prefer to sleep with the least amount of clothes possible that usually involved just a tank top and underwear. So she had to make sure she was properly dressed before exiting her room, she couldn't risk anyone else knowing about the scars. It would just complicate already complicated shit.

Her thoughts involuntarily drifted to the green eyed girl she had seen yesterday. There were so many questions in her mind. Who was she ? Why was she in the woods at such a late hour ? Oh shit. Was she a ghost ?

Clarke hoped she would never see her again. But a small traitorous part of her wanted to see her, talk to her and maybe kiss her. Were her lips as soft as they looked, she wondered. _Nope, not going there._

She walked downstairs to the kitchen to fix herself and Madi some breakfast. She didn't even bother checking knowing that her mother wasn't home. She never was, not since the accident. Just another one in the long list of people that suffer because of her.

She put four pieces of bread in the toaster and skipped over to prepare omelette for Madi, some tea for herself and took out the container of orange juice for Madi.

 _"Morning sunshine."_ she said as she saw Madi walk down the stairs groggily.

 _"Oh My God! You're the best sister."_ she said as she grabbed a plate and sat on the kitchen counter with two pieces of toast and an omlet.

 _"You wound me Mads. Is my awesome cooking the only reason you can think of?"_ Clarke replied with an exaggerated sigh. 

_"Yeah. That's the only one i can think of right now."_ she said, stuffing her face.

She shook her head and sat besides her on the counter with a cup of tea and toasts. They ate in relative silence, neither in the mood to talk. 

_"Want me to do your braid today or are you going to leave that nest alone?"_ Clarke asked.

 _"I would very much like for you to braid my nest."_ Madi replied rolling her eyes.

She laughed as she walked away towards her room to get ready. Today was going to be another long day and Clarke already felt exhausted.

* * *

An hour later Madi and Clarke were waiting at the front porch for Octavia and Lincoln to drive them to school when Clarke's phone rang.

 _"Hey, O. What's up?"_

_"Griff, it's just me today. Linc's going to school with Anya and his cousins because it's their first day school."_

_"No wonder you're late. Lincoln is never late."_ she replied.

 _"Rude."_ Octavia replied and hung up.

 _"What's this about Lincoln's cousins?"_ Madi asked.

_"His two cousins will be living with him. They lost their parents in some kind of freak accident."_

Madi hummed in response. There wasn't really anything to be said. 

They heard Octavia's car coming towards them and eagerly stood up, waiting for her to stop. She smirked and parked the car in front of them. It was an old SUV which belonged to Octavia's older brother Bellamy before he got a new one to go to college.

 _"Hey. Griff. Baby griff."_ she greeted as they sat in the car.

 _"I'm not a baby."_ Madi pouted.

_"Hey O."_

Octavia grabbed the aux cord and begain blasting the playlist Lincoln made for her, filled with cheesy love songs, which she's been obsessed with for a week now.

 _"Not again. Have some consideration for us lonely, single souls."_ Madi cried out.

 _"Awww don't worry baby Griff, you're just 13."_ O cooed.

 _"Okay, ew. Don't talk about my sister like that. Let her stay innocent a bit longer."_ Clarke interrupted.

_"Yeah. Guys around me are gross anyways."_

_"Suit yourselves. Broody griffins."_ Ocatavia laughed.

 _"We're not broody."_ they said together.

 _"Jinx."_ they both said together again.

The three of them burst into laughter. It was moments like these that just felt right. When the crushing weight of her mistakes was not killing her and she would forever be thankful for these brief moments.

 _"M'ladies. We've arrived at our destination."_ Octavia said in a pretty accurate imitation of Lincoln's voice.

 _"I see you've picked up Lincoln's role today."_ Clarke laughed. 

The three of them made their way into the school and went their separate way towards their respective classes. Lincoln, Octavia, Clarke were juniors and Anya was a senior and Madi was a freshman.

Monday's were the worst days for Clarke. She had the first 3 periods without any of her friends to keep her company. She sighed and took her usual seat at the end of the class. First period was english and Clarke absolutely dreaded it. It wasn't that she was bad at it, it was just too boring.

 _"Good morning class. Today we will be having a new student joining us."_ Mr. Marcus announced.

Clarke's head perked up at that. A new student join Arkadia was rare. Sometimes it felt like everyone in Arkadia knew everyone. The prospect of a new student was a exciting.

The entire excitement of the new student went straight into the trash when she saw her walk in. The killer jawline, vibrant green eyes, chestnut brown hairs braided perfectly, it was _her_. 

Green met blue and the other girl's face lit up whereas Clarke paled. She tightened her grip on the edge of her table.

_This can't be happening right. Was this a sick joke. Fuck. Why did it had to be her. She going to tell everyone that I tried to kill herself. I doesn't want to go to mental institution. I can't._

In her panic Clarke missed the introduction. She did not realize someone was talking to her neither did she realize that someone sat on the empty besides her. Her mind too busy to comprehend what is happening around her.

She swallowed down the panic rising. Or atleast she tried to. But her heart was beating out of her chest and she was painfully aware of the fact that she wasn't breathing. Her lungs screamed for air but she couldn't.

Her body worked on autopilot as she excused herself from the class and ran to the only place she could think of at the moment, the school roof. It was unaccessible to students but Clarke had a spare key to the roof which she 'accidentally' acquired.

She banged the door shut and collapsed against it. Her breath coming in frantic gasps. She felt suffocated. Her clothes were too tight and there was not enough oxygen in the air. 

* * *

Anya drove Lincoln, Lexa and Aden to school in the morning. The entire car ride, Lexa tuned out the other three's idle chatter and her thoughts wandered towards the girl at the cliff.

She was without doubt one of the prettiest girl Lexa had ever seen. But, she was filled with so much sorrow at that moment it made Lexa's heart clench. She wondered not for the first time what could've happened to make the girl so sad. If she would see the girl at school. It was pretty obvious that she was a local so she must be going to highschool right? She didn't look much older than Lexa. 

She felt weirdly giddy at the possibility of meeting the blonde goddess again, preferably in a more secure environment.

When they arrived, Lincoln eagerly volunteered to take Lexa to classes and Anya begrudgingly agreed to take Aden. He was a freshman whereas Lexa was a junior. She got her schedule and her first class was english. Lincoln walked her to her class.

 _"I'll come pick you when class is over."_ he said.

 _"Thanks." she smiled at him and walked in as the_ teacher finished announcing.

As soon as she stepped in her eyes scanned the classroom for familiar blue eyes and blonde hairs. She saw her sitting in the back corner of the class.

When their eyes met, Lexa's face light up slightly but she saw the other girl pale a bit. She quickly gave a brief introduction which included just her name and walked towards the only empty seat in class, besides the blonde who had occupied her thoughts.

 _"Hi."_ she said.

The other girl did not reply. She seemed entirely too focused in staring at the floor. Her face looking increasingly paler by the second and Lexa noticed her hand trembling slightly.

She suddenly stood up and walked over to the teachers desk and asked to be excused. Before the teacher could reply, she was out of the room. Lexa stared at her until she was out of sight. But she could still hear her frantic heart beat. 

Something was really wrong with her.

She got up and made an excuse to be excused. Skipping the first class was probably not good, but at that moment she didn't care. She quickly followed the blonde upstairs to the closed door of the roof. She tired to open in but something or someone was blocking it.

 _"I need you to move aside so i can cime in."_ she spoke softly but loud enough to be heard.

At first there was no response but the sound of erratic breathing. But after a few seconds she heard shuffling from the other side and opened the door just enough to slip in.

She was the blonde collapsed on the side of the door with her knees tucked into her chest and gasping for breath. In an instant she was besides her, but maining a bit distance between them. The last thing she wanted was for her to panic even more, if that was possible.

 _"Hey. Can i touch you?"_ she asked. the blonde girl nodded slightly. 

Lexa moved closer to the girl and pressed the palm of her hand on the girl's chest and put a slight pressure on it and uncurled the blonde's painfully clenched fist and placed in on her own chest. Lexa wasn't sure what was more comforting her the blonde but these things often helped her in case of a panic attack.

 _"You just have to breath. Okay? See just like i am."_ she said, taking a few exaggerated breaths.

 _"I.....I....can't."_ she cried.

 _"Hey hey. You can do it."_ Lexa assured. The blonde shook her head, tears streaming down her face.

 _"Just focus on my hand and my voice. Can you do that for me?"_ she asked. The other girl nodded.

_"Good. Now tell me three things you can hear."_

_"You..re...vo..ice, ca..rs, b...bir..ds."_

_"You're doing great, baby. Can you tell me three things you feel?"_ she didn't know her name yet so she had to improvise.

_"y...yo..ure..h..and, t..the..flo...or, the..wall..."_

_"Great. Now tell me three things that you see."_

_"You, th..e..sky, t..rees."_ she replied her breathing somewhat under control now.

 _"You're doing so good. Now just breath okay. Everything will be okay."_ she reassured.

The blonde took a deep shaky breath. She was a bit calmer than earlier and breathing wasn't soo hard now. But the panic left her completely drained of the enegy she didn't had.

She finally looked up to see a pair of familiar green eyes staring at her, concern etched into them. Her eyes widened in surprise and she involuntarily shrinked back.

Lexa got the memo and sat down with her back keeping the door shut while keeping a respectable distance from the blonde. 

_"You know, i stopped you from killing yourself AND helped you through a panic attack. and I still don't know your name."_ she spoke after a few minutes of silence.

 _"Clarke Griffin."_ she replied after a few seconds. 

Lexa hummed in response. Finally she could put a name to the face. She smiled a bit at that. _Clarke Griffin, what are you doing to me._

 _"You know when someone tells you their name, it's common sense to say your name too."_ Clarke said.

_"I did say my name in the class. But I guess you didn't hear."_

_"Yeah. As you can see, i was having a panicking so i wasn't exactly keen on listening."_ she scoffed. 

_"Lexa Woods."_ she said.

 _"So, Lexa Woods. I would very much appreciate if you didn't tell anyone about these two incidents."_ Clarke replied trying to sound confident, but the slight tremor in her voice showed how scared she was.

 _"I wasn't planning to."_ Lexa shrugged, _"But, I won't tell anyone on one condition."_

 _"I thought you weren't planning to tell anyone."_

_"I wasn't."_ Lexa said.

 _"Fine. What condition?"_ Clarke replied venomously.

"It's pretty simple. I want you to talk to me. Even if it is to scream or hit me. I just want you to talk to me." she replied sincerely maintaing eye contact with Clarke. Lexa wanted her to know, she was serious.

Clarke was speechless. Out of the long list if things she had thought of in the last 2 minutes. This was not expected, at all. 

_"Wha... Why?"_ she asked, her voice barely a whisper, but Lexa heard her.

 _"Because i don't want you to die."_ she replied with a shrug. 

_"Why? You don't even know me?"_ Clarke asked finally breaking eye contact and looking straight ahead. The intensity in those two eyes was too much.

 _"But i would like to."_ she countered.

Before Clarke could even think about a reply the school bell rang and she thanked the universe for the distraction.

 _"We should go."_ Clarke said as she stood up, dusting her clothes.

 _"Yeah."_ Lexa replied as they both walked towards the class in a comfortable silence. Both their mind occupied.

Leda had no idea why she said that. It just came out before she could stop herself, but it was the truth.

Clarke wondered why this stranger would want to do that for her ? What was the catch? What would she gain from it?

They both reached the empty classroom and packed their bags in silence, neither knowing what to say and walked their separate way, without a good bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedbacks are welcomed :)  
> .  
> .  
> There isn't any definite direction the story will go in, so if you have any request of something, let me know


	4. Must be fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some insight to Clarke's depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter ~

_4 MONTHS AGO_

It was just another day in the life of Clarke Griffin. Clarke, Raven and Jake, her father were driving to get ice cream for the celebratory dinner they were having. Jake was a senior engineer and had just finished off a major project, hence the celebration.

Madi and Abby were back home preparing food and had kicked the other three out because they wouldn't stop bothering them. Abby had even said that the three of them together were a typhoon at which they beamed.

 _"Jakey, today we are celebrating you, so today we will have your favorite ice cream."_ Raven declared from the back seat.

 _"Ugh as much as we all hate chocolate mint ice cream, i agree with Rae."_ Clarke replied with a big grin.

 _"Aww i love you guys so much."_ Jake said ruffling Clarke's hair another on the steering wheel.

 _"Daaaadd."_ Clarke whined fixing her hair.

 _"You know what, stop right here, I'll drive tonight. You just chillax."_ she said slaming her hand on the dashboard, leavingno room for argument.

 _"Chillax is not a word, babygirl."_ he said.

 _"Not taking constructive criticism right now."_

Jake shook his head with a big grin and stopped the car. They quickly exchanged positions and were on their way again. 

_"Jakey if we die, let's agree to haunt Clarke together."_ Raven whispered.

 _"She had a really good teacher."_ Jake whispered pointing at himself with pride.

 _"I'm right here, you know. Rae I've been driving you to school since the last week."_ Clarke said not taking her eyes from the road.

 _"Yeah and I've had 4 almost heart attacks since then."_ she accused.

 _"Fine. Walk yourself to school on Monday."_ she glared at her through the rear view.

Raven raised her hands in surrender and quickly changed the topic towards Jake's project and Clarke tuned them out. Whenever the two of them 'geeked out' they didn't have a care of the world.

Raven's mother was a violent alcoholic and her father was an absent figure in her life. Her mother is a defence attorney and has no shortage of money but she always hated Raven because she looks a lot like her father. So Raven practically lived at the Griffin house since she was 10, the day her mother had beaten her up and she ended up in the hospital. That day, Jake and Abby took her in, unofficially. Raven was like an older sister to both Madi and Clarke even though she was just 2 months older.

Clarke smiled at their antics while absently tapping a rhythm at the steering wheel. She saw the car speeding towards them a second too late, she hastily steered away but the other car rammed into the passenger side. 

Their car skidded onto the side walk and turned over a few times, coming to a stop after hitting a tree. Somewhere along the choas of screams and shouts, Clarke lost consciousness.

\--

Clarke opened her eyes and immediately regretted it as searing pain tore through her skull. She clenched her eyes shut and gritted her teeth to keep herself from screaming. She whimpered and a few tears rolled down her cheeks.

 _"Clarke, hey calm down. It's me Madi."_ Madi said softly as she hurriedly pressed the assistance button Abby left her with.

 _"Hey, it's okay. You'll be okay. It's just a major concussion, broken ribs and a fractured arm. You'll be just fine. I know it hurts but just breath. Okay?"_ she said, wiping the tears off Clarke's face and combing through her hairs in soothing motions.

_"W..a..te..r."_

_"Oh right, let me just."_ she said and bought a straw to Clarke's mouth.

She drank almost all of it before collapsing on the bed again. Her head was throbbing like a bitch, it hurt to breath and the cast on her dominant hand felt uncomfortable. She had no idea why she was in the hospital in the first place. She was just on her way to get ice crean with Jake and Raven. Wait, what about them?

 _"Dad and Raven?"_ she asked.

 _"They're both in surgery. You guys had an accident. A drunk guy rammed into your car. That was about 6 hours ago. Thank god you're okay. I was so scared Clarke."_ Madi said holding her hand tightly.

_"Mom?"_

_"She's overseeing their surgery."_

_"What about the driver?"_

_"He.... died on impact."_

_"Okay."_ Clarke said. A huge part of her felt like he deserved it but she immediately felt bad for thinking like that.

_"Okay. I'll be here if you need me. A nurse should be here to check on you."_

Clarke nodded slightly and closed her eyes hoping this was all a dream and when she wakes up everything will be back to normal. Her dad and Raven will be alright.

\--

When Clarke woke up again, a day later, she realized, it was infact not a dream. Her body still ached like hell and she was still in the hospital. Abby was snoozing off in a chair besides her bed.

 _"Mom?"_ she called out.

Abby's eyes shot open as she stared at Clarke in relief. Without speaking a word she did a quick check up of Clarke and slumped back in the chair, relieved. She got up again and brought a straw to Clarke's lips and she drank hungrily.

 _"You're okay, baby."_ she replied placing a soft kiss on her head.

_"Dad and Raven?"_

_"They both had a few surgeries. Your dad, he's, in a coma. We're not sure when or if he'll wake up. Raven, she'll be fine but, she fractured her spine and will have ti go through a lot of rehab if she ever wants to walk again. I'm sorry baby, that's the best we could do."_ she replied in what they fondly called her 'doctor voice' aka 'devoid of any emotion'. 

Abby was trying really hard not to break down in front of her injured daughter. Clarke already had too much to worry about, she can't add more burden on her. She had to be strong, for her husband and three kids.

 _"It's all my fault. I'm sorry."_ Clarke cried, her body wracking in sobs. Her entire body screamed in pain but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Her dad may never wake up again and her best friend will never walk the same. Compared to them, her injuries were nothing. It was all her fault. Her dad and best friend would've been just fine if she wasn't driving. She should've done something, anything.

 _"No, sweety. It is not your fault okay. You weren't the one who broke the rules. No one is blaming you."_ Abby said, sternly.

Clarke just nodded but couldn't shake away the guilt. She took a deep breath to calm herself but the tears won't stop. 

Abby's heart broke, watching Clarke cry. Clarke was stubborn just like her, nothing she say would ever change her mind. So all she can do is, stay strong for her family.

* * *

_PRESENT TIME_

Clarke's irritation has reached it's peak. Ever since she parted way with the brunette in front of the classroom, she's been literally everywhere, all her classes, whenever she goes into the bathroom and their freaking lockers are side by side.

The worst of it all, whenever they made eye contact Lexa would give her an annoyingly beautiful smile that made her heart skip a beat and not even try to make any conversation. She's so infuriating.

Clarke angrily stomped over to her lunch table which she shared with Octavia, Lincoln and Anya. Sometimes Madi sat with them too. Today, only Octavia and Anya sat at the table, with an empty seat between them for Lincoln.

 _"Where's Lincoln?"_ she asked taking a seat opposite Octavia.

 _"He'll be here soon with his cousin."_ she replied.

She saw Madi walk over with a blonde boy on her tail. Madi sat besides Anya and the boy took a seat across her, leaving a seat empty between him and Clarke.

 _"Guys, this is Aden Woods, he just joined today. You all don't him sitting with us from now on right?"_ she asked looking at the older girls.

Aden Woods and Lexa Woods. They are definitely siblings, the same smirk and the way they walk as if they own the room. And of course, the ridiculously good looks. Sandy blonde hairs and blue eyes he eas definitely going to grow up to be a lady-killer.

 _"Of course not. He's my baby cousin. He can always sit with us."_ Anya said.

 _"Aden you didn't tell me the Anya is your cousin."_ Madi accused.

 _"I didn't know you knew her."_ he replied sheepishly.

Anya just smiled at him. Not the 'I'm going to kill you later' or 'just fuck off' smile, but an actual, genuine smile.

 _"Oh wow, I've seen Anya smile, now i can proudly say, I've seen everything the world has to offer."_ Octavia muttered and Anya glared at her.

 _"Are you bullying my girlfriend again, sis?"_ Lincoln interrupted before Anya could say anything.

Octavia's face lit up as he leaned down to kiss her. He took his seat besides her with a smile on his face. Lincoln, despite his scary appearance was a softy. He cared so much about everyone and was just too good for this world.

 _"I see Aden is already here."_ Lexa said.

Clarke turned to her left to see Lexa sit beside her and frowned. Of course, Lexa would sit besides her. Her frown deepened as Lexa threw a smile her way.

 _"Hi, I'm Lexa."_ she said to Octavia.

 _"So you are Lexa. I'm Octavia, this dork's girlfriend. Lincoln talk's very highly if you."_ she said.

 _"I'm sure he's jusy over exaggerating everything. I'm not that special."_ she shook her head.

_Huh, how modest._

_"Nope. Everything i said is true about you heda. Don't you dare downplay yourself."_ Lincoln said.

Lexa just shrugged it off.

 _"Why did you call her heda?"_ Clarke asked.

 _"In our ...... tribe, the strongest warrior is given the title of heda. The commander."_ Lexa said and she looked, sad? angry? Shouldn't she be looking smug?

 _"So you're the strongest warrior? Out of how many?"_ she questioned further.

_"There's a lot. I think around 10,000."_

_"And your the strongest of them all?"_ Octavia asked looking at her in awe.

 _"She really is."_ Aden said. _"Anya you tell them."_

 _"Of course she is. She had a brilliant mentor."_ Anya smirked proudly.

Madi, Octavia and Clarke just stared at Lexa and she blushed a bit, despite being used to the attention of people. Maybe it was because of Clarke, not that she would ever say it out loud.

This took the conversation on the table in a new direction with Lincoln and Aden telling tales of Lexa with Anya and Lexa adding some stuff. Octavia and Madi were completely smitten by her. Even Clarke felt somewhat awed, though she would never show it on her face.

While Lexa was busy giving pointers on how to defeat someone twice your size, Clarke took a quick look at everyone's desert. Lincoln had a vanilla pudding, Octavia had exchanged it for his chocolate one earlier. Anya, Aden and Lexa had chocolate pudding and Madi had the vanilla one.

She can't exchange with Anya because she's too scary. Aden is just a kid and she'll feel bad if she asks from him. So that leaves Lexa. She took one look at Lexa, still talking to the others and slowly grabbed her pudding. She was just about to celebrate when someone caught her hand.

 _"You could've just asked."_ Lexa said, with an amused look.

_"And you would've just given it up?"_

_"For you? Of course."_ Clarke cursed herself for blushing at that. 

_"Fine. Can i have it?"_ she asked.

 _"What's the magic word?"_ Lexa raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Clarke glared at her. _Is she fucking serious right now?_ Lexa just looked at her expectantly.

 _"Please?"_ Clarke practically whispered.

 _"Hmm, the magic word is pacman but I'll let you have this."_ she replied laughing.

 _"Fuck you."_ Clarke mumbled.

_"Are you offering? Cuz I'm up for it, if it's you."_

Clarke's mind immediately fllied with images if Lexa kissing her, sucking at her neck. Her fingers entering her and Lexa moaning her name.

 _"Shut up."_ Clarke said and busied herself with her food, trying and failing to shake the images from her mind.

She couldn't stop the small smile from appearing on her face and she felt like a school girl with a crush. Shit, she is a school girl with a crush on the girl that saw her trying to kill herself. Her smile faltered at that and she quickly pushed any thought of her crush aside. She's too broken to be loved anyways.

From the other end of the table, Anya watched their interaction with a knowing smile. Lexa loves chocolate till death and would never give it up. _Interesting_.

Lexa, satisfied with the blush and small smile on the blonde's face went back to her food. She wanted to make the blonde happy, and she would do anything for her, even give up her favorite. She's never felt this way about anyone and quite frankly, it is a bit terrifying. But, Lexa had learned earlier in life to never let her fear stop her .

The table was filled with mindless chatter among the occupants. Clarke pushed her inner turmoil aside to engage with her friends. In the past 4 months, she's gotten pretty good at pretending that she wasn't dying on the inside.

 _"Hey princess."_ Clarke stiffened as she heard the familiar voice.

 _"Finn."_ she greeted him with a neutral expression.

Clarke and Finn dated for 6 months, he is pretty good looking, though Lexa is much more prettier and sexier than him, not to mention he never shared his food with her, even of he didn't like it and the way Lexa eyed the pudding, it was pretty clear she loved it too.

_Why did she just thought of Lexa?_

They recently broke up about a week ago. Finn was a total sweetheart at the beginning, but he showed his true colors after a few weeks. He is a manipulative, possessive asshole who doesn't care about anyone but himself. He just wanted Clarke as some sort of trophy because she was hot.

 _And now i sound like a narcissist_.

She finally broke up with him when she saw him with his tongue down some other girl's throat last week at a party and he had the audacity to say he thought she wouldn't be at this party. So she dumped him, infornt if the whole school.

Unsurprisingly, he refuse to accept the fact that she broke up with him, _fragile male ego_ and bothers her quite a bit. She was glad she never had sex with him, she was pretty sure he would be bad at it. For a second she though about green eyes and those long slender fingers again but shook them away.

 _Damn, hormones._

The worst of it all, she can't do anything. His father is the mayor of town and he's the star quarterback and captain of the football team. Messing with him would only add more to her piles of problem. 

_"I was wondering if you wanted to join me and my friends for lunch?"_ he asked with a flirtly smile.

 _"I don't want to."_ Clarke replied and turned away from him.

 _"Oh come on. How long are you going to keep this up?"_ he asked sounding irritated.

 _"How long is it going to take for you to understand,i don't want to be with you anymore."_ she replied.

 _"Why? Is there someone else?"_ he aksed.

_Is he fucking serious._

From the corner of her eye she saw Lincoln about to say something, but she shook her head. She didn't want him or anyone else to get it some kind of trouble.

 _"Yes. There is someone else."_ she said. If that's what it takes to get him off her back, so be it. 

_"What does he have that i don't?"_ he asked angrily.

_"Common sense and respect for women. Oh and not treating them like a object." also really pretty and considerate._

_"Look-"_ he grabbed her arm roughly and was about to say something but someone threw and apple on his face. It hit him on the bridge of his nose and he staggered back in pain.

 _"My bad, hand slipped."_ Lexa said, with a smug smile.

 _"You bitch."_ he growled and was going to hit her when Lincoln stood up and pushed him back.

 _"That's enough of you, Collins. Be a fucking man and back the fuck up when a woman rejects you instead of bothering her. She said she's not interested."_ he said pushing him further away from Clarke and the table.

 _"It's so hot when he curses."_ Octavia said, dreamily.

Finn threw on last glare at Lincoln and Lexa and angrily walked away towards his table. Lincoln sat back down and huffed angrily.

 _"Sorry Clarke, i know you said not to-"_ Lincoln began.

 _"Thanks."_ Clarke cut him off with a small smile. She shouldn't have dragged them in her problem. 

_How many more people are you going to bother?_

_"You had a pretty accurate aim for it being a slip."_ Clarke said shoving Lexa playfully.

 _"What can i say, exceptional talent."_ she replied and everyone laughed.

 _"So..."_ Octavia drawled out, staring at Clarke.

 _"What?"_

_"You said him 'there is someone' are you not going to tell us?"_ she asked with a sad pout.

 _"I just told it to get him off my back, O"_ she replied rolling her eyes. 

_"Right."_ she said, skeptically.

_"Seriously, O. If there is anyone you'll be the first to know. Okay?"_

_"Sure."_ Octavia shrugged but stared at the two for a few more seconds and shook her head.

Anyone with eyes could see the obvious attraction between the two. The way Lexa looks at Clarke when she thinks no one else is watching and the small smile on her face when Clarke said something.

For a few moments Clarke would look at Lexa with the same expression but it's like she forces herself to stop and her expression becomes gaurded once again. 

After the accident Octavia noticed Clarke not being the same. She laughs and jokes around all the same but she's hurting, her smile is not the same and when she laughs it's not, it doesn't feel the same. Octavia hates that she can't do anything about it. 

But, today after a really long time she saw Clarke genuinely smile, just for a second but it was there before it vanished again. Octavia knows Clarke won't let anyone in, she won't let herself be happy because she thinks she doesn't deserve it. She just hoped her best friend would stop hurting, until then she'll stay with her, cheering her on from the side lines.

 _"Lexa can i see your schedule."_ Octavia spoke up.

 _"Sure."_ Lexa handed her schedule to her and Octavia smiled mischievously.

 _"You have almost all your classes with Clarke!"_ she said, overly excited, _"So Clarke can take you around instead of Lincoln running half way across the school."_

Clarke glared at the schedule handed over to her. They really had almost all their classes together, and that's saying something because Clarke is in all advance classes. The only class they don't have together is music and art.

 _"Are you sure you aren't stalking me?"_ she asked.

 _"Maybe it's fate."_ Lexa said with a smirk.

_"Hmm, cocky."_

_"It's called confidence."_

_"You're insufferable."_ Clarke huffed. 

_"It's called being charming."_

_"Shut up."_ she said and stood up as the bell rang.

She extended her hand to Lexa who stared at it for a moment before grabbing it and standing beside her. Both couldn't stop thinking about how their hands fit so perfectly.

 _"See you later, guys."_ Clarke said and pulled Lexa along. 

Lexa smiled being pulled along the blonde. _It was fate indeed._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave kudos and comments, any feedback is appreciated :)  
> .  
> .  
> Next chapter will be a look at the 'supernatural elements'


	5. Fuck. My gay is showing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The supernatural world explained a bit...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy ~

Arcadia is a safe haven. No one really knows why or how but around 50 something years ago a barrier appeared all around Arcadia, covering most of the forest surrounding the small town. No evil creature can pass through the barrier, anything with even the smallest hint of evil cannot enter the town.

It is said to be the blessing of an angel but why would an angel do something like this? Expend so much of it's energy for a barrier around this town? No one knows, probably except the angel, if they're even alive now.

Some say the angel must be protecting some treasure but there's no treasure in Arcadia. Or maybe, the barrier is keeping something in. No one knows, at the end if the day it's just idle speculations. Anyone with any ill intentions towards the barrier - trying to dissect or research it - would be expelled and would not be able to come near it. In a way, that barrier is alive. It's got a mind if it's own.

Lexa and Aden are nightbloods - abomination of nature. They aren't supposed to be born, inter-species reproduction isn't exactly common. Their mother was a demon and their father a witch - their father doesn't know anything about their mother, neither does he care. In a very cliché way they were both a result of drunk unsafe sex because it's not like different species can reproduce. Unfortunately for their parents, they were one of the rare cases. 

Demons in general are labeled as mindless creatures driven by hunger, that can devour anything and everything that comes in their path. But that only applies for the lowest creatures. Most demons have some amount of intelligence, they're wicked and evil to the core, their only mission - wreck havoc.

Nightbloods on the other hand were frowned upon being the devil's spawn and all. They're killed on discovery or in worst case scenario made slaves - yeah slavery is a thing because 'nightbloods are the devil's spawn and need to be controlled' - they're kept alive like live stocks to be drained for their blood - it's black because of the half demon part - and body parts to be used in powerful spells and rituals. Hence, it's important to keep the secret. Only Lexa and Aden know the truth.

Despite all that Lexa and Aden loved their mother. She was beautiful, kind, caring and strong. In the early years she would stay with them for months or weeks, teaching them stuff (how to fight, which plants can be used for what, how to poison someone and make it seem like an accident - no one said she wasn't evil), cooking for them, getting them presents.

Their so-called evil demon of a mother was much more of a parent to them than their neglecting, alcoholic father. He never really showed any affection towards them or cared about them, all he did was lie around the house and drink the whole day. As they grew older their mother's visits became less frequent, but they never blamed her - it was for their safety after all. She still sent them gifts or letters every week without fail. 

After the attack, the Arcadian barrier was one of the main reasons Lexa chose Arcadia when she decided to leave Polis - their mother had given the brilliant idea to her. She wanted a safe place for Aden to grow, without worrying about being attacked - by anyone or anything. Lexa can't keep him safe anymore, not after what happened.

No one except Lexa and Aden know what exactly happened that night. Aden was unconscious for the most, but Lexa told him everything that happened, keeping it a secret would do more harm anyways. For the rest of the world, it was just an assassination attempt on the commander and her family - wouldn't be the first time.

Lexa was forced to participate in the conclave when she was just 11. When she won the conclave - killing all her opponents - she was given the title of 'The Commander'. It is supposed to be some huge honor but Lexa never wanted it, for her it was just a burden, a burden she will bear until her death. 

The commander - Heda, in their native language - is tasked with maintaining the peace between the 12 clans and various small covens. It was a stressful job for a 11 year old - listening and solving adult problems - but Lexa had always been mature for her age, life was never easy for her. She wasn't alone either, she had Indra, Gustus and Titus - the only people she could trust in the court and of course the secret advises from her mom.

Going to school, taking care of her younger brother and alcoholic father, managing the coalition while keeping the fact that she was a nightblood a secret, it wasn't easy at the beginning but she got used to it. If it wasn't for Aden maybe she would've given up long ago. He was everything to her.

After the attack she realized, Polis was no longer safe for Aden and since she can no longer keep him safe, they had to leave, thankfully Indra and Gustus lived in Arcadia. It wasn't the first time she had been attacked - perks of being the commander - but it was the first time she almost died and so did Aden - their father did die. She would never risk Aden's life. 

It wasn't like she couldn't do the commander's work from home - Polis was barely two hours by car. If it was urgent she could even use the teleportation circle, although a convenient method, it used up too much energy.

_"What language is that?"_

_"Huh?"_ Lexa looked besides her to see Clarke staring at her notebook.

It's the last period of the day and the teacher gave them a worksheet to solve, which they've already done. With nothing else to do and 20 minutes till the end, Clarke had been doodling something on a page and Lexa was deep in thoughts.

 _"What language have you written that in?"_ Clarke asks again.

Lexa looks down at the piece of paper she was writing on. She had drawn the teleportation circle, with a few modifications to try because she was thinking of ways to make it more energy efficient. 

_"Oh, it's ..... the native language of our tribe,Trigedasleng."_ she replied.

Most spells and magic circles used were in Trig, there were the few in Latin too but they weren't powerful enough. 

_"Cool."_ Clarke replied awkwardly.

She didn't mean to ask the question. She was completely immersed in her sketching, trying - and failing - to sketch those sharp features of the girl sitting besides her, it just didn't feel right - nothing she tried could give justice to those features - but with the things she had right now that's the best she could do.

It's been months since she felt like drawing anything, ever since her dad's been in a coma and Raven's been hospitalized. It just doesn't feel right to be all happy and content when he's over there fighting for his life - at least she hopes he is fighting to come back to them.

She had looked over at Lexa to get a better grasp at the brunette's side profile when she noticed the words she was writing. They looked like some fancy words written in a perfect circle - how did she even write them like that? Clarke wasn't an expert in languages but that didn't look like any language she knew. The question just slipped before she could stop herself.

 _"How's the sketch of me you've been doing for the past 10 minutes going?"_ Lexa asked with a smirk.

Lexa is a nightblood, she's got demon blood in her veins - thanks to that she has exceptionally sharp reflexes and senses - she sensed Clarke looking over at her again and again until she noticed the sketch on her notebook. Clarke was really good at that.

 _"What ... No ... i wasn't sketching you."_ she replied defensively.

_"Sure. Whatever helps you sleep at night."_

_"Bold of you to assume i sleep at night."_ Clarke replied with a scoff. 

_"Then tell me Klarke, what do you do at night?"_ Lexa asked, voice an octave lower. 

Clarke swallowed audibly. Was Lexa flirting with her? Or did she meant for it to be a joke? Why the fuck did her name sound so sexy from Lexa's mouth? Why was she so turned on right now? There’s no way someone like Lexa likes her ..... right?

 _"Oh you know just the usual teenage stuff."_ she replied nervously, staring stubbornly at the ground.

 _"I wouldn't know about the usual teenage stuff Klarke. Why don't you enlighten me?"_ Lexa was serious, she did not know what the usual teenage did, she didn't exactly had the liberty for that. 

_She's doing this on purpose isn't she? Saying my name like that in that weird turning-on way and with all the weird maybe-flirting thing._

_"You're infuriating."_ Clarke huffed and angrily stabbed at her eraser. She wasn't sure who exactly she was mad at.

 _"It's part of the charm."_ Lexa smirked at her. She could hear Clarke's heart beat faster and it was too easy to rile her up.

As the bell rang Clarke hurriedly packed her stuff, all she wanted to do was get away from Lexa. But, alas, she was supposed to lead her to the parking lot to Lincoln. That was the only reason she was waiting for the brunette. There was no other reason. 

_I don't even like her stupid face._

_"Let's go. Lincoln must be waiting for you in the parking lot."_ Clarke said stuffing her stuff in her locker.

 _"Actually could you show me the way to the gym first? Lincoln told ne about the basketball tryouts and i just wanted to stop by and talk to the coach."_ she always did love playing basketball with Lincoln whenever they met.

_"Yeah. Sure. No problem."_

Clarke dutifully waited outside the gym as Lexa went in and talked to the coach about the tryouts. She could totally picture Lexa in the basketball uniform expertly dribbling the ball jumping up to dunk it with her shirt ridding up her stomach showing off her -

_No! Bad Clarke. Bad._

_"Okay I'm done let's go."_ Lexa said stepping out of the gym.

Clarke looked away from Lexa, hoping to god Lexa couldn't see the blush which was definitely there on her face. 

_Damn teenage hormones._

_"Lexa?"_ someone called out from behind them. 

Both the girls turned around to see Luna Bloom standing in the hallways, looking at Lexa with a surprised expression. Clarke and Luna were friends - kind of - Luna was 2 year older than her, but still in the sane grade because she joined school late or something. 

Luna is dating Raven, they've been together for almost 6 months now, she's been extremely helpful and loving towards Raven even through the accident - very unlike how Finn treated Clarke - and Clarke is grateful to her for that even though she is a bit jealous. 

_"Luna?"_ Lexa said looking equally as surprised.

To say Lexa and Luna knew each other was an understatement. They are half-sisters. Luna like Lexa and Aden is a nightblood, they have the same mother and Luna is 2 years older than Lexa. She hates Lexa and Aden because of some reason only she knows - although Lexa has a pretty good guess. The last time Lexa saw Luna was during the conclave, before she fled and went under hiding.

 _"I heard what happened. Are you and Aden okay?"_ Luna asked with uncharacteristic softness.

She's always been extremely rude and hateful towards Lexa and Aden. This is the first time she said or did anything remotely non-hostile towards Lexa.

 _"Why do you care?"_ Lexa replied not bothering to hide the edge in her voice. 

Clarke just looked between the two confused. They definitely had some kind if history and not the good kind. The tension in the air was kind of - totally - suffocating.

 _"Can we talk? Alone?"_ Luna said looking at Clarke.

_"What if i don't want to?"_

_"Lexa. Please."_ she pleaded.

Lexa was surprised for the third time in the past 5 minutes. Luna looked so sincere and apologetic, she couldn't find it in herself to be mad. She sighed, she's always wanted to be close to Luna as a kid, but having those hopes squashed as a kid, she was a bit hesitant. If Luna decided to harm her in any way, Lexa wouldn't be able to protect herself.

 _"Clarke can you please tell Lincoln and Anya to go ahead first. I'll find a way to get back."_ Lexa spoke softly to Clarke.

_"Yeah, sure. Is everything okay?"_

_"Yeah. it's fine."_

_"Clarke please tell Rae I won't be visiting today, I'll call her later."_ Luna shouted to Clarke as she walked away.

Clarke couldn't help but think about the tense atmosphere back then and the way they looked at each other with so much longing. 

_Why do i feel ........ jealous? That can't be right._

Must be Raven, she's dating Luna and the way Luna looked at Lexa was worrying her because of Raven and Luna. That must be it. 

_Yeah. That's it. Nothing else._

_"Where's my sister?"_ Aden's voice cut through her thoughts. She didn't even realize she had already reached her destination. Five faces looked at her questioningly.

 _"Don't tell me you forgot her?"_ Octavia jumped in _. "That's so lame, Griff."_

_"What? No. She told me to tell you guys to go ahead. She'll find her way back."_

_"Why?"_ Anya spoke from the driver's seat.

 _"She was talking to Luna."_ telling them about the weird tension between them was not Clarke's decision.

 _"Luna? Do they know each other?"_ Lincoln asked.

Clarke shrugged in reply. 

_"Yeah. We kind of know her."_ Aden spoke up. _"We met at the conclave."_

Lincoln and Anya nodded as if that made sense, whereas, Ocatvia, Clarke and Madi were just as confused as ever. 

_"Well, none if my business. Get in Griff, I'll drop you at the hospital. I can't come today, gotta have dinner with the folks."_ Octavia said starting the car.

_No! Dammit O. Now how will i know what that meant. You're supposed to be eternally curious_

_"I'll leave dinner for you."_ Madi said from the back seat.

Clarke sighed and got into the car. Everyone said good bye to everyone and the two cars went their own way. Looks like it's going to be just Clarke and Raven today.

Clarke has always been a frequent visitor to hospitals. When she was younger, she would follow her mum around the hospital because there was no one else to watch her. Later, she would bring home made food for her mother when she would stay way too late at the hospital because Abby Griffin does not like hospital food.

But, for the past few months she frequents the hospital to see her dad and best friend, Raven Reyes. Her dad is still in a coma although her mom did say that his chances of waking up are high, Clarke hasn't let herself have any false hope. The higher you climb, the harder the fall.

Raven is fine - well as fine as one can be after an accident like that - but she has to get physical therapy to be able to move around properly again and her mother refuses to let Raven go until she's capable enough to look after herself. 

Clarke says her good byes and walks into the hospital, smiling at the workers who know her - which is basically everyone. She walks straight towards Raven's room, she always visits her first. Sometimes she can't even step into her dad's room. 

_"Clarkey!"_ Raven says in a suspiciously high pitch when Clarke enters.

 _"What are you hiding?"_ she asks narrowing her eyes.

 _"N...nothing?"_ Raven gives her an innocent smile.

Clarke just glares at her leaning over the closed door.

 _"I wasn't doing anything wrong."_ she mutters.

_"Rae you and the world have very different definitions of right and wrong."_

Raven is a technical genius and is always getting in trouble for doing 'nothing wrong' like hacking into the local police database to test her latest invention or messing with the school computers to find dirt on the bullies.

 _"I was just tryingtohackintomedairstogettheirlatestkneebraceprototypes."_ she says.

 _"What?"_ Clarke did not understand anything at all. 

_"I was just hacking into med airs to get their latest knee brace prototype."_

_"Rae!! Why would you do that? That's literally a multi million company. What is they caught you?"_

_"They won't. Plus i got what i was looking for! See."_ she showed her the tablet she was previously hiding.

 _"Why the hell would you need to hack into some company for that? Don't you already have one?"_ Clarke frowns.

_"Yeah but this one is more advance model."_

_"I swear to god Rae I will not get you out of jail."_ she scolded her, sitting on the foot of the bed.

 _"Then don't. Luna would do it anyways."_ Raven stuck out her tongue.

_"That reminds me Luna and O don't be coming."_

_"Everything okay?"_ Luna never misses even a day of visit unless it's an emergency.

_"Yeah, i think so. O's got dinner with her parents. Luna ..... i don't know she wanted to talk to the new girl, Lincoln's cousin Lexa."_

_"Do you know why?"_ she asks chewing her lips. Luna would never cheat on her or anything but she can't help thinking like that, who would want a cripple anyways.

 _"I don't know. Luna said she would call later."_ Clarke shrugged.

_"Okay. Tell me about this Lexa."_

_"She's got these long brown hairs and green eyes, almost looks like a forest if you stare hard enough and she looks really pretty. A bit cocky but the way Lincoln and Anya praise her she must be something. But she's pretty fucking annoying most of the time. And she's got a younger brother, Aden. He's really sweet. And Lexa is some sort of commander? It's like strongest warrior in their tribe or something, Lincoln said. Sounds pretty surreal but you know how Anya is always brutally honest. So it couldn't possibly be a lie"_ Clarke finished her rant, she's wanted to rant about Lexa to someone for a while now.

 _"Careful Griff, your gay is showing."_ Raven smirked at her.

 _"You told me to tell you about her!"_ deflecting the statement.

 _"Yeah but not those deets are damn."_ she said fanning herself.

 _"First of all, who even says deets?!"_ Clarke said scowling at her best friend, think about what Raven said.

Has she been thinking about the pretty brunette since last night? Yes. Has said pretty brunette been extremely charming towards her and made her blush? Yes. So what was the problem?

_Oh right. The fact that I'm a broken mess of a person and Lexa deserves better than that. I was going to kill myself for god's sake!_

_"And?"_ Raven prompts when it looks like Clarke isn't going to continue.

 _"Fuck. My gay is showing."_ she sighs burying her head in her hands. 

Raven gasps pleasantly surprised. She did not expect Clarke to agree. Usually she would deflect and deny until her last breath.

 _"I mean she's just attractive, it's just her pretty face nothing else."_ Clarke said more to herself than Raven.

_"Oh come on Griff. Ask her out on a date at least. You need some fun in your life."_

_"I will do no such thing Rae. And i have plenty of fun in my life."_ Clarke scowled at her. 

_I don't deserve all the fun and happiness anyways._

Raven sighs, of course it wouldn't be that easy. Clarke-denial-Griffin is definitely the worst Griffin Raven has ever dealt with. But that's fine, she'll be out if here in two days, it's still a bit awkward to walk but she can at least be home now.

 _"Oooo, i almost forgot to tell you! The gods have had mercy on my poor soul and mama G finally agreed to letting me go home! I may be allowed to go to school from next week if my test results are good enough but finally home sweet home!"_ Raven squealed, overly excited about finally being free from the hospital.

Clarke jumped at the news equally as excited as Raven. She hugged her tightly swaying them both back and forth.

 _"It's about time. The house has been so lonely without you."_ she whispers into her hairs.

 _"Are you crying?"_ Raven asked tightening her grip on Clarke.

 _"I'm just so happy for you. I may loose my dad, i don't know what i would've done if i lost you or if you hated me because of the accident. I'm sorry."_ she hides her face deeper into Raven's hair.

 _"Clarke look at me."_ Raven said, gently pushing Clarke back so they are face tk face but Clarke avoids eye contact.

_"Look at me Clarke, please."_

When Clarke finally looked at Raven, she was looking at her with a soft expression that just made her want to cry more, she didn't deserve any of this. 

_"Look, I'm going to say this once and I'll say this a thousand times more if it does not go through your thick skull. The accident, it was NOT your fault. YOU did NOT drink and drive. YOU did NOT break the traffic rules. What you did was what anyone in your situation would've done. It was just that an accident. It was not your fault and if anyone says otherwise i will personally blow them up. But you'll have to get me out if jail."_

_"Okay."_ she said, her throat ached from how tight it felt and her voice was hoarse. She sniffed and wiped off the tears.

She buried her face in Raven's neck again, for the the first time in the past 4 months it felt like maybe things would get better.

But things never really go her way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated :)  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> twitter - @terraknives


	6. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Luna talk....
> 
> TW : some torture at the end, it's not too graphic but letting you guys know..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy ~  
> .  
> .  
> This chapter is kinda really important, so pay attention ;)  
> .  
> .  
> I don't really have an schedule but I'll try to post as often as possible :)

  
Lexa and Luna stood there for a few minutes after Clarke went in an awkward silence. Lexa was just taking stock of the older girl, she hadn't seen her in 5 years - she looked much better than she did back then. 

Back then she looked more like a shriveled up raisin because of not getting enough food, there were scars and bruises littered all over her body and she just looked so sad. Despite all that, she was still stronger than an average kid her age.

Now, she looked pretty healthy, there were no visible scars or bruises in her body, she even looks a bit happy and for the first time she was not glaring at Lexa - she wasn't even looking at Lexa. 

Lexa finally cleared her throat putting Luna out of her misery, _"Where to?"_

 _"Umm..... My place? It's safe and just 5 minute walk from here. No prying eyes or ears."_ Luna replied looking at Lexa hopefully.

_"Sure. Lead the way."_

Luna gave a curt nod and walked towards the exit, looking over her shoulder to make sure Lexa was following. If she were in Lexa's place, she wouldn't give herself a chance. 

Lexa was a bit annoyed by how Luna kept looking over her shoulders every 30 seconds. She was a woman of her word, Luna should be well aware if that. But Lexa, mercifully kept her mouth shut.

Luna's birth was an accident - just like every other nightblood - but she was one of the unlucky ones where the other parent did not want them. Although her mother did try her best but she couldn't really do much. Luna spent her childhood jumping from one foster house to another, some where at least kind in the beginning until they showed their true color.

She wasn't an easy kid and being starved, beaten and abused did not do her any favors. Although life was hard - understatement of the decade - she couldn't even kill herself, she was much too stubborn to just give up.

Whenever she saw Aden or Lexa she felt jealous and cheated, why did they get to have a better life than her? So she took out all her anger on the siblings, even though it wasn't their fault. It's not like she knew, life wasn't easy for them either.

When she was selected to participate in the conclave, it was like a new chance at life for her. If she became the commander at least she wouldn't have to live such a pathetic life. But when she found out her second match was with Lexa - one of them would have to die for the other to live - she hesitated. She hated Lexa but she couldn't kill her and she didn't want to die either. So she ran.

She ran away from Polis and never went back to her foster home. She would rather die than go back to that place. She roamed in some forest, somewhere in some state, hunting for food and water. It wasn't that hard. That's how her mother - Vivian - found her, living her life in the wilderness, like an animal.

Vivian took Luna to get her cleaned up because 'that's no way for a child to live'. She got Luna nicely fed and checked up to make sure she wasn't sick from the wilderness, but Vivian couldn't stay too long. So she did the next best thing she could think of.

Vivian sent Luna to Arcadia. Luna didn't want to go because people everywhere are the same. But Arcadia proved her wrong. Her assigned foster parents were actually nice (they were threatened to treat her good by Vivian but she doesn't know that) and the kids at school weren't nosy - they just completely ignored her.

Until she met Raven. The fiery Latino quickly took a liking to the outcast despite Luna pushing her away at every chance. Begrudgingly, she accepted Raven and in turn the rest of her friends. Raven changed her view towards the world, showed her to appreciate the beauty underneath the pain. If it wasn't for Raven, she wouldn't be here, trying to make things better with Lexa because Lexa deserves better.

She quietly unlocked the door to her apartment - Vivian brought it for her as soon as she was old enough - and ushered Lexa in. Lexa walked straight towards the couch in the living room and sat down, taking a good look at her surroundings - marking up all the escape routes if things go south.

 _"Do you want anything?"_ Luna asked politely.

 _"No. Let's just get this over with. I have things to do."_ Lexa lied coldly, she had nothing planned. She would not get her hopes up just to get them crushed.

 _"Cool. Okay. So...... ummm I don't know where to start."_ Luna has been thinking about this for a while now, but actually sitting here, finally having the chance she wanted her mind is totally blank.

_"Why don't we start with why you want to talk?"_

_"Yeah. Okay. I...... wanted to apologize. For the stuff I said and did. In general the way I behaved with you and Aden. You guys never deserved to be treated like that. I'm not trying to excuse my actions because they were wrong, regardless of what I thought back then, but I…… back then, I was just so angry, at the world, at everyone just because I was so miserable. And I just took all that anger out on you because, no offense, but you were easy targets. At the conclave I realized I couldn't kill you. I just couldn't do it, you had a life, you were happy and I couldn't take that away from you. But, I didn't want to die either so i ran away. And now that I'm older and a bit wiser i just feel like I owe you..... no I have to apologize to you. So I'm sorry, for everything."_

Lexa was silent for what felt like hours but it was probably seconds. She doesn't know what to say. All she wants to do is hug her and forgive her because at the end of the day, she's family. But can she trust her? 

_"What did you think would happen if I forgive you?"_ she spoke finally. She wanted to understand where Luna was coming from, what her motives were, because if anything she's good at, it's diplomacy.

_"I honestly don't know. I didn't even expect you to forgive me at all. I mean I almost sold you two out for fuck's sake. You could've been killed or something even worse could've happened! I wouldn't forgive myself if I were you! I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry......"_

Lexa remained silent, her face betraying none of her thoughts and emotions.

 _"..... and I just.... at the end of the day you and Aden are my only family in this world..... and I just wanted that I guess. But if you don't ever want to talk to me again, that's fine too..... I mean I get it."_ Luna finished fidgeting with her thumb ring. She couldn't meet Lexa's eyes, too scared of what she would see.

 _"Okay."_ Lexa said.

" _Okay?"_

 _"Yeah. Okay. I forgive you and I'm sure Aden would too."_ she replied 

_"Not that I'm ungrateful or anything....... but why?"_

_"It's like you said, you could've sold us out...... but you didn't. You could've easily killed me at the conclave and lived lavishly as Heda..... but you didn't. So I forgive you for everything....."_ she paused slightly, hesitating with her next words. _"....... and it's like you said you are family. And we've gotta have each other's back, right?"_

Luna just looked at her with a blank look in her face. She blinked a few times, trying to absorb the words Lexa just said. She forgives her. She considered her as family.

 _"Yeah. We've gotta have each others back."_ Luna repeated.

Both of then sat silently, processing the recent events. What did it mean for them now? What would they tell others? Were they sisters - ???? - now? 

_"So does that mean you'll have to call me your big sister now?"_ Luna smirked.

 _"We're in the same grade."_ Lexa scoffed. There's no way she would - she wants to - but nope. 

_"What will we tell other's?"_

_"The truth. You're my half-sister."_ Lexa shrugged.

_"Yeah. Okay. Cool. I should talk to Aden too. Can you give me his number?"_

_"Sure."_

Luna slid her unlocked phone towards Lexa who saved her and Aden's number in the phone and handed it back to her. Their finger's brushed just for a moment and Luna jerked her hand back, the phone clattering on the table.

 _" Dude, what the fuck?!"_ she stared at Lexa in horror and shock.

Lexa just looked at her confused. Luna stood up and walked over to Lexa who involuntarily moved away, her hand reflexively going to the dagger she always had on her.

 _"What the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you feel so...... Why can’t I feel anything from you?"_ she asked kneeling in front of Lexa.

Lexa froze. She had almost forgotten the main issue at hand. And now Luna knows.

 _"Lexa? What happened? I thought you were just concealing your presence, but i can't feel you at all. Even though I'm touching you?"_ Luna asked confused.

 _"I can't......"_ she choked out.

Lexa's heart was beating a mile per second trying to pump blood all over her body properly and she couldn't breath. They just reconnected - they hated each other earlier though - and now Luna knows that Lexa is utterly powerless against her.

 _"Lexa! Breathe. Just relax, okay? You're safe with me. I won't ever hurt you. Whatever happened we'll figure it out. Okay?"_

_Get a grip on yourself Lexa._

Lexa took a few deep breaths to calm herself. Panicking right now won't so anyone any good at all. She needs to stay calm to get through this.

_"I....."_

_"It's okay take your time."_ Luna said, sitting besides Lexa.

 _"The attack, it...... it was a reaper, four reapers to be exact......"_ Lexa said.

Luna gasped silently, feeling a shiver run down her back just by hearing the name.

Reapers. The worst kind of monsters. Those things, are every kid's worst nightmare. Reapers are not natural creatures, they're the worst abomination to be ever created by whoever created them. They're blood thirsty, reckless creatures driven by hunger. They usually appear in the dark, the bright rays of the sun too harsh for them.

They're resemble humans in a way, just really tall and wide - they're huge. Their strength enough to rival that of 10 elephants, their keen sense of smell keeps nothing hidden for long. Just one scratch from their claws could split you into two. The only flaw - they're slow and can't stay too long in the sun.

No one unfortunate enough to cross paths with a reaper ever lived to tell the tale - although their gruesome remains do tell a lot. Lexa might even be the first one to ever have lived.

 _"...... they were horrible and terrifying, it just hated me so much, I just……. I could feel the hatred rolling if it…… It was just so terrifying. I killed four of them but, I was drained and Aden, he was out cold, that monster threw him across the room, he hit his head somewhere...... and I didn't think I could've killed the last one. So I took Aden and ran but it caught up to us. We fought, well I mostly ran and dodged, until sunrise and then it ran away. I don't know when, how or even who but during that time someone or something must've injected me with something, but I can't use magic anymore. It's like it's there inside me….. but somewhere locked away, like a blockade and it just feels so fucking empty, like someone carved a hole in my very soul."_

Luna just sat there, stunned. Not being able to feel or use magic is the worse thing that could happen to a witch - a nightblood nonetheless – it must’ve been hell. It must've been so hard for Lexa to not be able to do something she's been doing basically since birth.

 _"Did any of the reaper bite you?"_ she asked.

_"Yeah. A lot. I don't know, there were too many cuts and bruises to differentiate but yeah I think it did."_

_"It must’ve been the bite. The reaper's bite did something to your magic."_

_"Yeah. I think so too. I tired to forcefully reach my powers once and even Aden tried, but it's was just so much pain, like having your entire body operated on without anesthesia, not even having the luxury to pass out."_ Lexa shivered at the memory. 

Not being able to use or feel magic is like not being able to breath. She's tried everything she could think of but nothing seems to work. Forcing herself to unlock the metaphorical cage, caused her body to burn and thrash and just so much pain. 

_"Who else knows?"_

_"Aden, mom and you, now.No one else can know. The moment they know the commander is weak, the coalition will break and war will break out again. I don't think we can stand World War 3."_ Lexa sighed.

No one would know until she tells them, it's not like normal witches can sense the magic inside someone, only nightbloods can.

 _"Okay. Mom doesn't know what to do?"_ Luna asked.

Their mother – Vivian - is an amazing person. She knows so many things that sometimes it's almost unbelievable that she's so knowledgeable. But, she's been alive for hundreds of years so it's only obvious to know a lot.

 _"No. She's looking for a cure or something but nothing yet. Me and Aden have been doing our own research but nothing."_ Lexa sighs again. 

She's been doing that a lot now a days. Everything is messed up and nothing seems to be going her way. At least she's safe here, but who knows for how long. It's not like she can stay holed up forever.

_"So that's why you came to Arcadia. The mystic library and the barrier."_

Since Arcadia is a place, safe from evil, most of the precious, mystic texts have been stored in the Arcadian library. That's another reason why Lexa came here. They're the oldest texts known to man kind, surely they must have something, right?

_"Yeah and since I can't keep Aden safe anymore so I had to get out of Polis."_

_"It's okay. Now you have me too."_ Luna smiles at her reassuringly.

 _"If anything happens to me, promise me, you'll take care of Aden."_ Luna is the only person who can possibly rival Lexa at full strength.

 _"I will, little sis. I will."_ she says and very well plans to follow through her words.

 _"Great. I need to go now. It's late. I'll let Aden know."_ Lexa says standing up, she just needed a few minutes to absorb all this before facing peoples

_"Right."_

They walk up to the door and stand for a second, wondering about the next move. Luna mutters _'fuck it'_ under her breathe and pulls Lexa in a much needed hug. She melts in the sisterly hug for a few seconds before parting. 

_"Take care."_ she says. 

_"You too."_ Luna replies with a smile 

Just like that Lexa walks away, feeling lighter than she has in the past month. She has finally made up with her half-sister and things for once seem to be getting better.

* * *

  
_"Vivian. Why don't you go ahead and tell us what you found."_ The lord of hell orders his youngest daughter.

 _"Yes, my lord."_ Vivian got up from her seat at the end of the conference table and stood at the head, besides her father.

 _"The existence of the half-angel has been confirmed."_ she said.

Every one of her sibling sitting on the table burst into whispers and questions thrown her way, but nothing was understandable in the chaos.

 _"Silence."_ the lord commanded, immediately everyone shut up.

 _"Are you completely sure,dear?"_ he asked Vivian. 

_"Yes, father. The spawn of the angel Jacob, is indeed alive. It was not killed in the attack, we were falsely lead to believe that. I have sent you all the information I've obtained, you may check yourself."_ she replied respectfully.

In true honesty, she felt bad for the half angel kid - the one of it's kind as of now - they must be around Lexa's age by now. But, Vivian is a survivor and she will do anything to survive. Even send a kid to it's probable death and definite torture. She's gone soft ever since Luna.

 _"Very well. I need you all to find that creature and bring it to me. At any cost."_ he said and walked away. 

Vivian sighed and slipped away before anyone could stop her. She had other stuff to do than idle chit chat with her siblings. There are 20 of them, surely they can manage without one - well two.

She walked into her palace, smiling at the guards and maids scurrying about. It wasn't that big, but still too much for just one person. 

Vivian was the softest and most loved princess in hell, a pacifistic if you will. She absolutely despised violence, but sometimes violence is the only solution – she learned that at an early age.

She walked into her bedroom, going straight towards the secret door in the far end of her room and typed in the code. She wrinkled her nose at the awful smell that greeted her. Well, it's not like she can get someone to thoroughly clean this place up.

 _"Greetings, my dear older brother. I hope you are well."_ she said to the limp body of her older brother hanging in a cell, but then again every brother is older than her.

He merely opened his eyes to look at her, his body having no strength left to move. He's been in this place for the past one week being tortured by creative ideas. He would've been rather proud of his littlest sister if they weren't used on him.

 _"You know, if you would just tell me what I want to know, I'll let you go."_ she said sweetly.

 _"You know I can't do that. I'm bound by an oath. You know we can't break an oath."_ He replied meekly.

 _"Then you're going to suffer until you tell me. I don't fucking care okay? Break the oath if you have to. I. NEED. MY. FUCKING. ANSWERS."_ she growled at him, each syllabus followed by a whip and handful of salt.

 _"I'm sorry. Please."_ he whimpered, writhing in pain, the salt burning his wounds.

 _"You should've thought about that before harming my daughter."_ she snarled.

 _"I didn't know! I swear I didn't."_ he pleaded. He really didn't know the commander of the witches was his sister's daughter or else he would've never even dreamed of hurting her.

 _"Oh I know, dear brother. But my poor baby is hurting so much and it's all your fault. So someone must be punished for that don't you think?"_ she replied in her usual sweet voice but her words spitting poison.

Her brother, Dante is the creator of reapers - those filthy mongrels. The saliva of a reaper is capable of creating a blockage of magic, trying to force the blockade only results in pain. Only Dante knows the secret to the reapers although he is bound by an oath to not tell anyone else.

An oath is a huge deal in the supernatural world and not to be taken lightly. Breaking and oath is a crime punishable by heaven - although the punishments may vary - not even a devil is immune to it.

But, Vivian will do anything for her three kids. Even if she has to go against her own family, it's not like they actually care for her. She's only alive because she's valuable, as soon as she slips up or loose her value, she'll end up in the pits of hell to be tortured for an eternity - just like her twin brother.

So, for Vivian her kids will always come first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated :)  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> twitter - @terra knives


	7. Do I Look Like A Raccoon To You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a filler chapter with cute Clexa and the delinquents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy ~  
> .  
> .  
> Notice how it's been 7 chapters and no plot advancement yet

Clarke walked back to her house after spending hours with Raven, telling her everything that happened at school that day, talking about random stuff and doing homework. 

_("..... and Finn grabbed my arm roughly and Lexa threw an apple at him. It hit him right between his eyes and.... and she said that her hand slipped! Rae it was so hilarious. Finn was so mad, at the end Lincoln had to step in." Clarke finished accounting the lunch break._

_"Oh My God! I have to meet this Lexa. She seems fun." Raven laughed. "I can't believe that douche, I'm so glad I left his asshole pack..... er group"_

_"Yeah me too, Rae. I don't know what i would've done without you.")_

Raven would be coming back home in two days and Clarke couldn't be happier. At least one person who's life she hadn't ruined. Raven would have to wear a knee brace for the rest of her life, but at least she would be alive and happy. Unlike Jake.

She was smiling on the way home when she heard a distressed mewl. Her head snapped upwards, towards the sound. She squinted to see clearly between the branches, when another mewl sounded. She spotted a cat stuck on a pretty high branch.

_"How did you even get there?"_

She looked around to see if she could call someone for help, but the neighborhood was empty, it was almost time for dinner after all. With a sigh she dropped her bag and stretched her muscles a bit, it's been a while since she's done any exercise.

 _"Hang on there buddy."_ she called out and got a small mewl in response.

It was a huge maple tree probably older than Clarke, like everything else in this town. It's always been there, for as long as she could remember. She's walked this route so many times - from the hospital to home - she could just walk it blind-folded.

_Blind folds. Ropes. Lexa._

She blushed at the images her mind procured. She shook her head violently to rid herself on those images and focused on the task at hand - finding a good enough way to climb that high. 

She's always loved nature, it always brought her a sense of peace and belonging. As a kid she would often run into the forest and just sit and talk to the animals. She was such a frequent visitor that sometimes the squirrels would give her nuts as presents. Once a raccoon gave her a shiny necklace too, turns out it stole that neclace from Octavia. 

Since she would always end up in the forest, her dad taught her to climb trees, in case she ever saw a dangerous animal. She never told him, but, she once met a wolf. She was 13 and it was a full moon night, she had snuch into the forest because she felt restless. There she was a grey wolf - it wasn't much older - it was quite short, must've been young. 

Despite that she felt like she knew it - it was weird because that was the first time she saw a wolf. The wolf didn't attack her, it just nudged her out of the forest and ran back in. But that never stopped her from going into the woods.

Those were good times.

_"Clarke? What are you doing?"_

_Oh great. Now I'm starting to hear Lexa's voice too. Damn you Lexa. Get out of my head._

_"Clarke?"_

She turned around with a frown, almost certain to find nothing and the voice just being a figment of her imagination. So she was pretty surprised to see Lexa actually standing there.

_"Lexa? What are you doing here? Aren't you staying with Lincoln? The way to his house isn't from here."_

Lexa blushed slightly at that, just the tip of her ears covered in a bright pink shade. The rest of her face was devoid of any blush - a stoic mask.

Lexa had trained herself from a young age to not show any emotion on her face, which was pretty usefull when she became Heda. Although she could never completely stop her blush.

She didn't actually know what she was doing here. After talking to Luna she needed to clear her mind before going back, so she decided to take a short walk. Unconsciously, her feet lead her here - to Clarke.

 _"Umm.... I was just walking around, clearing my head."_ she relied shyly.

 _"Oh. Okay. You're not lost are you?"_ Clarke asked, Lexa was behaving a bit shy which was weird. Ever since she's met Lexa, the girl has been breathing confidence.

 _"No. I've already memorized the entire map of Arcadia, better safe than sorry, you know."_ it was true, she and Aden has memorized all shortcuts and secret paths so they could escape easily if ever needed. 

_"Wow. Cool."_

_"Yeah. So what were you doing before I came?"_ she asked.

 _"Oh, right! There's a kitten stuck up the tree, I was just looking for a way to climb up properly."_ she replied looking up at the kitten, it was pretty silent.

 _"Oh. Let me, I'm pretty good at that."_ Lexa said, dropping her bag besides Clarke's.

 _"Are you implying I can't do it, Lexa?"_ Clarke asked almost teasingly - almost - she hates how everyone always thinks of her as this stupid fragile blonde.

 _"Oh, I don't doubt your ability for a second, all I'm saying is I'm definitely better. I practically lived in a tree house until I was like 11."_ she said.

_"What? Why?"_

_"Tribal house. It was pretty fun, not gonna lie."_ she replied with a smirk.

 _"Wow. I wanna hear more if it."_ Clarke said before she could stop herself.

 _"Sure. I would love to tell you all about it...... like to, i would like to."_ Lexa spoke hurriedly turning away to hide her blush.

Both of them blushed furiously at that.

Lexa began climbing up the tree, wondering how the hell did such a small kitten climb do high and where it's mother was?

 _"I find it really wierd how cats can climb trees but they can't climb down. I mean, girl just get down how you got up, you'll land on all four feet anyways."_ Clarke spoke from down.

 _"Maybe they get scared of the height. I mean, even if i knew I would land on my feet, I would be scared to fall."_ Lexa shrugged, one hand reaching for the kitten.

 _"Hey, don't worry. I'll get you down safely and then you can go your merry way. Okay?"_ Lexa cooed softly at the kitten mewling in protest at being grabbed.

 _"Good girl, just hold onto my shirt."_ she cooed, safely tucking the small creature inside her jacket.

 _"Did you get her?"_ Clarke aksed.

 _"Yeah. I'm coming down now."_ Lexa said and began her descent.

Clarke wasn't even looking up the tree because all she could see was Lexa's ass and it felt wrong to just stare at her like that - although the view surely was nice. She only turned around when she heard Lexa landing softly on the ground.

 _"Here we are as promised."_ Lexa said to the kitten clinging to her shirt, it's nails digging into her chest just a bit shy of drawing blood.

 _"Let me, i bet I'm more experienced at dealing with animals than you are."_ Clarke said walking closer towards Lexa, regretting it already.

She was too close. Clarke could smell the scent of trees and forest on Lexa, in that moment she just wanted to close the remaing distance and take a deel breathe of the earthy smell.

_"Yeah, mostly animals are scared of me. This one is too little to understand, I guess."_

Lexa's voice broke through the Lexa-induced haze in Clarke's mind. She inwardly cursed herself for being so gay for pretty girls.

 _"What! Why?"_ Clarke asked as she gently pried the kitten from Lexa's chest.

Lexa's breath hitched when Clarke's fingers brushed her boobs slightly while extracting the kitten. She hoped Clarke didn't heard it, but from the blush on her face, Clarke clearly did.

 _"I don't know...... I guess...... I just have a scary aura."_ Lexa shrugged.

Most animals have a sixth sense or something. It must sense her big bad scary demon side, so they usually hiss and run away from her. It stopped bothering her a while ago, even if all she wanted to do was play with the puppy but it's mother would drag the puppy far away from her in fear.

 _"Huh. Weird. You don't look scary at all. You're more like a cute raccoon."_ Clarke said, cradling her kitten in her arms, checking for any injuries.

 _"I'll get to the cute part later. But, raccoon??? Do I look like a raccoon to you?"_ Lexa said clutching her chest as if in pain.

 _"What?! They're cute! Sue me."_ Clarke defended.

Lexa groaned in reply as she buried her face in her hands, hiding her smile. Clarke thinks she's cute, like a raccoon but still cute. That has to count for something, right?

_God what will she think if she see's me in warpaint._

_"You're impossible. A raccoon! Seriously Clarke? Couldn't you say something like a panther or something?"_

_"Sorry, you're just...... raccoon."_ Clarke shrugged, laughing at Lexa's antics.

Who knew the brunette would be so dramatic.

She set the kitten down after deeming it healthy enough to be on it's own. It rubbed itself between her legs as thanks, purring softly. The kitten just looked at Lexa, gave a small mewl and ran away.

 _"Well that was awkward."_ Clarke said looking at the retreating kitten.

 _"Told you."_ Lexa shrugged, _"I'll walk you home, it's pretty late."_

 _"What about you?"_ she asked as they both grabbed their respective bags.

 _"I'm the commander, remember? I can hadle myself."_ Lexa grinned at her.

 _"Okay, commander. Take me home."_ Clarke said.

_That sounded less sexual in my head._

_"As you wish, my lady."_ Lexa bowed dramtically.

 _"So what am I, the princess?"_ Clarke asked,

Finn used to call her princess. So did the rest of her friends, but after Finn showed his douche side, they all abandoned that nickname.

 _"Hmm. I'll be the Commander of the ground and you be the Sky Queen."_ Lexa replied, picking up on the hint of sadness at the name 'princess'.

She was rewarded with Clarke's laughter, it was like music to her ears, probably the best sound she's ever heard.

 _"Soooo. You and Luna?"_ Clarke asked, tryjng to not sound jealous.

 _"It's complicated."_ Lexa replied, _"We're.... half sisters."_

 _"Ohhhhh......"_ Clarke said hiding the grin on her face, they aren't ex-lovers or anything.

 _"I hadn't seen her in five years, I thought she was dead and s_ _he just to hate me and Aden until a while ago. So she wanted to apologize. We're trying for a new start."_ Lexa explained.

 _"That's nice. Luna was..... pretty sad and lonely until she met the storm known as Raven. She was always alone and closed off until Raven sort of took her in."_ Clarke laughed at the memory of a young Raven dragging a annoyed Luna around with her.

 _"I'm glad she had you guys. Life, wasn't easy for her."_ Lexa smiled.

 _"She's nice. Ummm, this is my stop."_ Clarke said feeling a bit sad to leave Lexa.

_"Good night, Klarke."_

_"Good night, Lexa."_ Clarke leaned in and kissed her cheek, leaving a stunned Lexa as she hurried inside.

Lexa turned around in a daze, caressing the cheek Clarke just kissed. With a smile on her face she turned around and walked home. 

_Yeah, this is good._

* * *

_**The junior guys and gals** _ _**(9:30pm)** _

_**TeddyBear added Commander to the group** _

_**TeddyBear :** Guys, this is my cousin Lexa, she's in the same grade as us. Introduce yourselves._

_**ShortBlake :** Hi, Lexa! This is Octavia._

_**EmoKid** **:** Hi, this is Murphy, we haven't met yet, but I'm the smartest of these guys._

_**Genius :** Excuse me! I'm the genius. _

_**Genius :** Hi, this is Raven, btw. Clarke talked a lot about you today._

_**Griffin :** Rae! You traitor._

_**Griffin :** This is Clarke, if you couldn't tell btw._

_**Commander :** Are there a lot of Griffin in junior year, Clarke?_

_**Genius :** And she's sassy too!_

_**Griffin :** Hahaha. No. I'm the only one. _

_**Griffin :** Rae, you bloody traitor._

_**Genius :** Love you too Griffin._

_**ComputerGuy :** Hi, this is Monty. I'm the second smartest after Raven of course._

_**Genius :** Damn right!!_

_**Stoner:** Hi, I'm Jasper. If you need to get wasted, I'm your guy._

_**TheSaneOne :** Hi, I'm Harper, Monty's girlfriend._

_**Mori :** Hi, this is Emori, I'm tasked with keeping Murphy in check._

**_ShortBlake :_ ** _Thank god for that._

**_EmoKid :_ ** _Rude._

_**Mermaid :** Hey, this is Luna._

_**Commander :** Hi everyone._

_**Commander :** Mermaid? Really? How original, Lu._

_**Mermaid :** I was bullied, don't blame me._

_**Commander :** Someone bullied you?!! You are the biggest bully I know._

_**Mermaid :** It was Raven. I can't say no to her, sue me._

_**Commander :** Woah. Have you.... have you been tamed?_

**_Mermaid :_ ** _Shut up._

_**Genius :** Woah what is happening right now? Do you guys know each other??? Babe???_

_**Mermaid :** She's my half sister._

_**Commander :** We have the same mother._

_**Genius :** You have a half sister?!_

_**TeddyBear :** You have a half sister?_

_**Commander :** I thought she was dead._

_**Mermaid :** I hated her until a while ago._

_**EmoKid :** Wow._

_**ComputerGuy :** Wow._

_**TheSaneOne :** Wow._

_**ShortBlake :** Totally expected that from Luna._

_**Mori :** Wow._

_**Stoner :** Talk about family drama._

_**Genius :** Clarkey, why aren't you more surprised?_

_**Griffin :** I kind of found out two hours ago._

_**Commander :** I told her when we met._

_**ShortBlake :** OMG! You guys met after school?? Was it a date??_

_**Griffin :** Haha. No. I was rescuing a kitten, Lexa helped._

_**Commander :** And then I walked her home._

_**Genius :** AnD ThEn ShE wAlKeD HeR _ _HoMe?! Wow._

_**Griffin :** ......_

_**Commander :** ......_

_**ShortBlake:** ....._

_**EmoKid :** Wow. That was overkill Rae._

_**Mori :** Yeah._

_**Genius :** Wow you guys are boring._

_**Commander :** Well, this had been fun, but i have stuff to do. Good night. _

_**TheSaneOne :** Raven, you scared her away._

_**TeddyBear :** She actually has a lot of stuff to do, guys._

_**Mermaid :** Not even Raven can scare Lexa away._

_**Genius :** Wow, she's already got two people defending her._

_**Genius :** ANYWAYS_

_**Genius :** Good news for y'all - I'll be discharged from the hospital in two days and maybe back to school next week !!!!!_

_**ShortBlake :** OH MY GOD FINALLY !!!_

_**EmoKid :** How is that good news for me?_

_**Genius :** Rude._

_**TheSaneOne :** Congrats Rae!!_

_**Stoner :** Welcome back, in advance._

_**Mori :** Congrats Rae._

_**Genius :** Thanks guys! I can't wait to be b_ _ack._

_**Griffin :** Yeah, we all missed you at school._

_**EmoKid :** Talk about yourself._

_**Mori :** Murphy._

_**EmoKid :** But I'm glad you'll be out if the hospital._

_**ShortBlake :** Whipped_

_**Griffin :** Whipped_

_**TheSaneOne :** Whipped_

_**Stoner :** Ha, whipped_

_**EmoKid :** ......_

_**Mermaid :** Don't you guys have any work to do?_

_**Genius :** Nope. _

_**Griffin :** Actually yes we all have work to be submitted tomorrow._

_**Mori :** Yes, we do._

_**EmoKid :** Yeah. Bye._

_**Stoner :** Ugh._

_**ComputerGuy :** Bye._

_**Genius :** I think O is already gone._

_**TeddyBear :** Yeah, she's got an early m_ _orning. Bye, guys._

_**TheSaneOne :** See you all tomorrow._

* * *

_**Mermaid & Commander** _ **_(10_ _:30pm)_**

_**Commander :** Hey, can you tell me all the non-humans in school? Just to be safe you know._

_**Mermaid :** _ _Yeah, sure. There's only one vampire, Marcus Kane, the english teacher. The principal Jaha, is a witch but he's not in any coven. The school nurse, Jackson he's an elf. Raven is a werewolf. Finn and everyone who follows him are also mutts. Anya, Lincoln, Hope, Gaia, Ontari, Echo, Emori, Roan are witches. Anyone else is just human._

 **_Commander :_ ** _What about Clarke? Are you sure she's human?_

 **_Mermaid :_ ** _Yeah. Why?_

 **_Commander :_ ** _I don't know, when I'm around her, it's just this gut feeling._

 **_Mermaid :_ ** _You mean butterflies??_

 **_Commander :_ ** _What? No. I know what butterflies are. It's just this feeling as if she's not from this earth._

 ** _Mermaid :_** _Are you sure that's not just you being extremely gay for her?_

 **_Commander :_ ** _........_

 **_Commander :_ ** _I mean that too, but this is different. Can you just check once more? I would do it myself but..._

 **_Mermaid :_ ** _Sure, I'll recheck._

_**Commander :** Thanks, good night. _

_**Mermaid :** _ _Good night, Heda._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated :)


	8. Take it easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No Clexa in this chapter, but there's a lot of SeaMechanic....... and if you squint a little you can see plot advancement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy ~

To say Raven was excited was putting it lightly, she was ecstatic. It was Thursday, arguably the best Thursday of her life because today was the day she will finally be able to go back home, away from the hospital. Her pick-up wagon consisting of Clarke, Madi, Octavia and Luna would be arriving soon. 

After a lot of convincing and good test results, Abby had finally agreed to let her go home, but only if Raven promises to take it easy on her legs.

_("Of course, Mama G, easy is like, my middle name." Raven gave her a cheeky grin._

_"I'm serious Rae, if i hear from Clarke or Madi or Luna, anyone really that you have not been taking it easy, i will put you back in the hospital where i can keep an eye in you." Abby said, leveling her with a mom glare, "And don't think for a second they won't tell me. I have already given them the instructions. I know today is a full moon, but you have to be careful, if it hurts at all just let me know."_

_"I swear I'll take it easy and let you know if it hurts too much, plus, you know I'll be fine in my wolf form, probably, anyways i just wanna go home." Raven whined.)_

As she waited, she thought back to the day Luna came to visit her after the accident for the first time, the doctors had said, she was lucky to have even survived - that it was a miracle - and she may never walk again. She had never felt worse than on that day.

So, she would really take it easy on herself, having her body give up on her bad enough that she couldn't even shift during the full moon was something she never wanted to go through, ever. She wouldn't wish that pain - physical or emotional but mostly emotional - on anyone.

That brings her on the second best thing about today. Today is a full moon day, after 4 months of not being able to shift because her body was too broke, she'll finally be able to run - well limp, really - around on all fours. 

It was a lot better option than being tied to the hospital bed feeling antsy all over. Luna did try to keep her mind off it all by talking about everything and nothing and a lot of making out - because she was still a patient and sadly no sex for a patient - but it didn't really work much. The lullaby she sang did bring some comfort though. 

So she waited impatiently on her bed - all her stuff already packed up waiting besides her - for her girlfriend, best friend and sisters to pick her up. Her hands fidgeting excitedly.

She had already said goodbye to all the friends she made in the hospital, most of the kids and old people that stayed at the hospital for long durations. She was a peoples person and being holed up in the hospital had her bored. She dropped by Jake's room earlier too, he was going to wake up soon, she could feel it. 

He was always a loving father figure to her, more than her absent dad could ever be. He trusted her to keep both Clarke and Madi safe and she would do about anything for her family.

_"Are you excited for tonight?"_ Luna asked as she entered the room.

Raven flung herself into her arms, already knowing Luna would catch her - she always did.

_"Oh My God, yes! I can't wait for the full moon and the sweet release after 4 long fucking months."_ she squealed in her ears.

_"Could've worded it better, but okay."_ Luna shook her head.

_"Stop complaining, you love it."_

_"Yeah, i do. Come on, they're waiting for you outside."_ Luna said as she supported Raven with one arm and flung her backpacks on another.

The first two months after the accident were the absolute worse for Raven. Being a free-spirited, eternally restless person confined to a bed and not being able to move much and knowing you may never walk again was hard. She threw tantrums a lot, didn't ate properly and often skipped her medicines and therapies because it's not like they'll make any difference.

Luna took most of the burnt of Raven's tantrums. No one would ever want a cripple, it won't be long until Luna realized she could do much better than a cripple and break Raven's heart and leave her, so she pushed Luna away first. But, Luna always stayed, holding the younger girl, whispering assurance and promises of never leaving.

Luna would drop by every day, trying all kinds of healing spells on Raven, in hopes that one of them would be strong enough to reverse spinal damage, but she already knew the answer. She did them in secret, not wanting to demoralize her girl any further, but Raven knew - she never told Luna though. 

Luna's persistence and an extra harsh lecture from Octavia had Raven want to at least try to get better. She started taking her health more seriously, eating properly, taking medicines on time and attending all her therapy sessions. And the result - 2 months later, she was finally going home.

Raven walked out of her room to see Madi and Clarke patiently waiting outside, they were thoughtful enough to give the two girlfriends some time alone. Madi saw her first and flung herself into her arms. Raven staggered back a bit, balanced by Luna.

_"Sorry. I was just so excited."_ Madi apologized sheepishly stepping away from her.

_"Me too, baby griff, me too."_ Raven said messing her hair.

_"Octavia's waiting outside with the car."_ Clarke said gently hugging her.

_"Then let's go! What are we waiting for?"_ Raven said pulling at Luna's hand wrapped around her.

_"Take it easy babe."_ Luna said slowing their pace. 

_"Fine. Mom."_ Raven mocked.

_"If my mom looked at me like that, I would call the police."_ Clarke laughed.

_"Yeah, sometimes Luna looks at Raven like she wants to eat her or something."_ Madi said shaking her head.

_"Well she sur-"_ Clarke covered Raven's mouth before she could complete the sentence.

_"She meant it in an innocent way, leave it at that."_ Clarke glared at Raven.

_"What? Don't tell me that was a innuendo too? What's wrong with you guys?"_ Madi huffed as she ran ahead towards the car.

_Why does everything with them have to be a sexual innuendo with them?_

_"I'm so proud of her."_ Clarke said, wiping imaginary tears from her eyes.

_"At least someone wasn't corrupted by Raven."_ Luna laughed as Raven elbowed her.

Before Raven could reply another body slammed into her, Luna - how is she so strong - once again stopped her from falling over.

_"Fuck. Sorry, i was too excited. You're going to be back, bitch!"_ Octavia exclaimed.

_"Yes I am!"_ Raven replied.

It was tough to say who was more excited - Raven or Octavia. Both Luna and Clarke smiled fondly at the two girls.

_"Get in the car already. I swear you guys are more like kids than me. We're blocking the way for other cars!"_ Madi said.

Everyone else laughed as they filled into the car, with Madi riding shot gun and Raven sandwiched between Luna and Clarke at the backseat.

Raven had an iron grip on Luna's hand. It was the first time she was sitting in a car since the accident, she knew O's a brilliant driver, but then again, so was Clarke. Accidents happen all the time and no one can really control them, but that's what makes them worse.

The drive home was thankfully smooth and without any disturbance. The 5 minute drive spent with Madi and Octavia arguing over the music, at the end there was no music played because the drive was too short anyways.

Raven was the first on to walk inside the Griffin household. She took a deep breath, letting the familiar scent of home wash over her. Luna and Clarke watched her from the entry way as she took in the house - Octavia and Madi getting her backpacks.

_"It's so good to be home."_ Raven said as she collapsed on the familiar couch - they've spent hours on this couch, huddled up while watching a scary movie with Madi snuggled up between Clarke and Raven. 

_"We'll drop your stuff in your room."_ Octavia and Madi ran upstairs.

_"Happy, my little wolf?"_ Luna asked as she sat besides Raven.

Clarke busied herself in the kitchen to prepare snacks and drinks for everyone.

_"Very."_ Raven replied kissing Luna.

_"Woah guys, there's a baby in this room."_ Octavia said covering Madi's eyes.

_"Sorry, Mads just got a little too excited."_ Raven said tucking herself into Luna's side.

_"Ugh i guess I'll let it go once in a while."_ Madi replied with a smile as she and Octavia sat on the othet end of the couch.

_"Well, there you go."_ Clarke came in holding a tray of juices - orange for Madi, Octavia & herself and Mango for Luna & Raven - and snacks.

A chorus of thanks greeted her as she settled herself in the middle of the two pairs.

_"To Raven."_ Octavia cheered.

_"To Raven."_ the others repeated.

They spent the rest of the evening huddled together on the couch, watching the trashy rom-coms Raven loves and talking about everything and nothing, until it was time for Octavia to go home.

Madi and Clarke retreated into their respective rooms, leaving Luna and Raven cuddled up on the couch. Luna ran her fingers through Raven's hairs and Raven buried herself further in her side with a content sigh, letting the smell of the ocean wash over her.

How Luna always smell like the ocean - salty and watery - was something Raven could never figure out. Luna did say something about being born in the ocean but that doesn't make sense!

_"Okay, I can feel it. Let's go."_ Raven said suddenly standing up as she felt the urge to shift take over her, the moon was out anyways.

_"Okay. And remember-"_

_"Take it easy, yes I know."_ Raven cut Luna off, pulling her towards the backdoor that leads to the woods.

They walked into the woods, arm in arm, although Luna carried most of Raven's weight. She was worried about Raven. She hadn't been able to shift completely on the past full moons. It had broke her heart to see Raven so broken - physically and emotionally. 

Her body wasn't completely healed yet and there was a chance her body would reject the shift halfway, like it had earlier. None of this would've happened, only if she was strong enough to completely heal Raven. The only person who could've possibly done it was Lexa and now, she couldn't do anything at all.

_"Okay, I think we're pretty far."_ Raven said as she stopped in a small clearing.

She began undressing, not wanting to ruin her clothes or the brace - that shit was precious specially after her little modifications.

Luna took a seat under a nearby tree as Raven undressed, just enjoying the show. Despite what Raven might say, the surgery scars don't make her look ugly. In fact, they make her look more bad ass and hot.

She looked like an absolute - naked - goddess standing under the only spot where the moonlight shone on her perfectly. The light only highlighting her perfect features.

_"Enjoying the show?"_ Raven asked as she stripped the last of her clothings, tossing it on the pile near her.

_"Sure am."_ Luna replied as she closed her eyes, not wanting to see the next part.

Raven took a deep breath, letting the moonlight wash over her. The scent of the forest mixed with Luna's oceany smell was definitely the best in the whole world.

Luna clenched her hands harder, her naild digging in her palm, as the sound of bones breaking & rearranging and Raven's painful groans reached her ears. Why does it have to sound so painful? She will never get used to it.

She finally opened her eyes when the sounds stopped, only to be greeted by the most magnificent brown wolf she's ever seen - she's purely biased - standing just where Raven was minutes ago. 

The wolf - Raven - stood there for a moment, just soaking up the various sounds and smells invading her senses. Raven walked around a bit wobbly before getting the hang of it, she felt like how she did the first time. As she was able of walking a bit more steadily. She trotted over to Luna with a slight limp in her walk.

_"Does it hurt too much?"_ Luna asked petting her head gently, scratching behind her ears where she knows Raven loves.

Raven shook her head and nuzzled into Luna's chest. She smiled as Luna giggled at the sensation of her wet nose touching her bare skin. Raven licked her face a bit before turning around and vanishing into the woods.

_"Don't forget to take it easy!"_ Luna shouted as she folded Raven's discarded clothes and placed them neatly under the tree.

With a smile she walked back to the Griffin household, careful to leave the back door unlocked for Raven to enter when she returned in the morning.

She walked towards Raven's room silently to not wake the two probably-sleeping Griffins. She stripped out of her clothes, grabbed one of Raven's baggy shirt and slipped under the covers.

* * *

Luna woke up to someone - Raven - gently shaking her awake, which was pretty weird. Usually Raven just silently slips in the bed to not wake Luna. Something must be wrong.

_"What's wrong? Does it hurt a lot? Do you need your medicines?"_ she asked sleepily

_"Hurts like a mother fucking bitch."_ Raven groaned, _"But that's not important right now."_

_"What? Why? What happened? Is there something else wrong with you?"_ Luna asked as she grabbed Raven's medicines and water off the side table and handed them to her.

Rsven smiled gratefully at her girlfriend and popped three of the pills, drowing them with water. She was supposed to have only one, but this pain warranted a three. 

_"It's not me........ it's the barrier."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments and kudos, makes me feel better about my shitty writing :)


	9. This is my dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa Moments...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy ~

Lexa looked around the woods with a frown. She knew these woods, they were the ones back in Polis near her house. But why was she here? She couldn't remember, ber memory was a bit hazy.

Instead of walking around she sat down on the forest floor, maybe she was waiting for someone? But who would that be? Titus? He's too much of a prude to meet in the woods. Meet me in the woods makes it sound like she's upto no good.

_"Lexa? What are you doing here?"_

Lexa's head snapped towards the sound. There's no way in hell she could be here, infact she shouldn't be here. But sure enough the blonde goddess stood a few feet away from Lexa with a matching frown.

_"Klarke? What are you doing here?"_

_"I don't know."_ Clarke answered as she sat besides Lexa, their shoulders almost touching.

 _"I think this is a dream. Why are you in my dream Klarke?"_ Lexa asked, realizing there's no way she's back in Polis - with Clarke.

If she ever took Clarke to Polis she would show her the beauty of Polis - the view from her tower, the delicious foods - not somewhere in the woods where it might be dangerous for Clarke.

 _"Makes sense, this could be a dream. But this is my dream."_ Clarke said.

 _"No, Klarke. This is clearly my dream. This is the forest back in Polis where i grew up. There's no way you would know it"_ Lexa explained.

Clarke took in her surroundings for the first time - she hadn't botheres to look around once she saw Lexa sitting on the forest floor - it was indeed not somewhere she was familiar with. But if this is a dream what does it matter.

 _"Whatever who cares, it's a dream anyways. Why would you dream about me though?"_ Clarke asked resting her head Lexa's shoulder.

 _"Dreams are directly related to our subconscious, I've been thinking about you a lot."_ Lexa said running her hands through Clarke's hair - she did have really soft hairs.

_If only we could have a reality like this_

_"Why?"_ Clarke asked as she played with Lexa's hand not currently running through her hairs.

 _"You are special, Klark."_ Lexa replied truthfully.

 _"How? I'm just a broken girl, there are a lot like that around."_ Clarke said sadly.

 _"I don't know. It's just a feeling, I guess."_ Lexa sighed.

There's something about Clarke that just draws her in, something special. She just didn't know what, yet. Hopefully she would find out soon. 

_"Lexa?"_ Clarke said softly.

Lexa hummed in responses.

 _"I think about you a lot too."_ Clarke whispered, her voice almost inaudible.

Before Lexa could reply or react to the confession, a loud roar cut through the silent forest. She knew that sound, it haunted her - still haunts her - and it could only mean trouble. The reaper.

 _"We need to run, Clarke. We can't let it come close."_ Lexa said trying to stand up but Clarke held her firmly in place.

 _"Don't worry, it can't come near us. I'll protect you."_ Clarke said as she pulled Lexa towards.

Just before their lips could meet, Lexa woke up with a jolt. She looked around anxiously waiting for a reaper to show itself and sighed when nothing jumped from the dark. She frowned at whatever woke her up, couldn't it have waited just a minute, until after......

She blushed at the memory of the dream. Why would she dream of Clarke like that? _Because you have feelings for her, idiot._ She sighed and collapsed back on the bed. She could still feel the ghost of Clarke's lips almost on hers.

The dream was too real to be just a dream. She was sure of one thing, it was definitely her dream. How did Clarke enter her dream? What exactly is Clarke? Was it just a normal dream or was it just her over thinking it?

_What are you Clarke? And what are you doing to me?_

Her phone buzzed at the side table and she grabbed it. So this is what woke her up. She picked it up without looking at the name. Whoever calling her twice at 5am better have something important to say.

_"Hello?"_

_"Lexa, it's Luna."_

_"What's wrong?"_ she asked, feeling a bit more awake, Luna wouldn't call her for no reason this early.

 _"Why did you just assume something is wrong?"_ Luna asked, thinking of proper words to break this news to Lexa.

 _"You called me twice, before 6am and I know for a fact that you don't wake up until 7."_ Lexa said.

The past two days since she's made up with Luna, she's learned a lot of things about her. Lexa, Luna and Aden would be often found talking, catching up on the years they missed. It's surprising how nicely they get along after years of animosity. Lexa would never say this to anyone but, she always wanted a big sister and Luna fit right in, Aden is just glad that her sister has someone besides him and Luna finally has someone to call family.

Lexa has even gotten a bit closer with Clarke too. It was inevitable really, they have all their classes together so plenty of time and opportunities to talk. The fact that they're doing all the group projects together just sped things up. Although both parties have been a bit reserved - Clarke because she doesn't want to get close to Lexa, people close to her always suffer and Lexa because she can't tell Clarke the truth about herself.

 _"Fair. There is actually trouble. It's the barrier, we think it's weakening."_ Luna said trying to ease the news on Lexa but there was no easier way to tell someone that the only thing protecting them from probable death is now unable to do so.

 _"Are you sure?"_ Lexa asked calmly.

_"Yeah. Last night was full moon and Rae was in the woods, she saw some demons."_

_"Is she sure they weren't summons?"_

Sometimes people summon demons for various reasons, could be an accident or they might need the demon for something - the result is always bad anyways - demons aren't supposed to be controlled. They're chaotic and unpredictable most of the times.

 _"Yeah, I'm sure. The summons, they smell different more human-y, but the one's i saw last night were definitely not summons. So i checked the barrier, but it was fine I think it might be breached from somewhere or maybe it's flickering. Those demons were pretty low one's so I took care if them."_ Raven spoke from the other side. 

Lexa could hear Luna scolding Raven for being reckless because she's injured and shouldn't have messed with demons. She gave them a minute before she spoke again.

 _"Has this ever happened before?"_ Lexa asked. 

_"Not in the 16 years I've lived here."_ Raven replied.

 _"Okay. I'll see something about it._ " Lexa sighed, why can't things go her way for once.

If there's anything wrong with the barrier, her and Aden's lives are in danger. One of the reaper already has their scents and it won't stop hunting them until they're dead. The only thing between them and the repaer is the barrier. If Lexa could still use magic, she wouldn't be that worried but now, she's powerless against a reaper.

 _"Lexa, I just got you back, i can't loose you. Aden still needs you, even the coalition can't survive without you. Please take care of yourself. Don't do anything reckless"_ Luna said softly.

 _"I know."_ Lexa said.

Aden would be fine without her, he's got people around him - Anya, Lincoln, Luna - who can keep him safe. But the coalition, she's the only thing standing in the way of Nia and war. If a war breaks out now, it might very well be the end of man kind.

Lexa hung up on Luna and threw her phone across the room, finding some solace as the device shattered into pieces. Why was the universe so against her? All she wanted were a few more months until she could find a solution to her magic problem - the three nightbloods have been researching relentlessly - and now the only thing that felt safe is failing.

 _"Lex? What's wrong?"_ Aden asked from outside her door.

 _"Come in. We've got trouble."_ she said taking a deeo breathe to calm herself.

Aden stepped in, closing the door behind him. He was already awake when a crashing sound from Lexa's room had him worried about her. Not being able to use magic has her angry and restless. She's snapped at people too often and her usual polite filter is all but gone.

 _"What happened?"_ he asked sitting on the bed besides her.

Lexa wrapped her arms around her younger brother and sighed.

_"The barrier may be weakening. If that is true, there's nothing stopping the reapers from conming after us. You need to be careful buddy."_

_"What about you?"_ he asked.

 _"I'll be fine Aden. Let's just hope Luna and Raven are wrong."_ Lexa sighed again.

* * *

Clarke had decided to avoid Lexa as much as possible - which was pretty impossible considering they had almost all classes together - because everytime she saw Lexa she couldn't help but be reminded of the dream where she almost kissed her - it was a weird dream, dream Lexa was pretty adamant that it was her dream but people can't just walk into someone else's dream, right?

But today, that doesn't seem to be a problem for Clarke at all. Lexa has been spaced out in all the classes until now - usually she's a lot more flirty but today there has not been any flirty comment at all and as much as Clarke claimed to hate it, she didn't. Lexa's just been staring out every window, into the forst looking deep in thought. At times she'll flinch suddenly and look really worried for a second before going back to spacing out.

 _"Okay, what's wrong with you?"_ Clarke whispered to her in their english class - since Mr. Kane was busy and they had a sub - she was sick of seeing Lexa so spaced and edgy.

 _"I'm fine, Klarke."_ Lexa replied without looking at her, burning a hole in her notebook.

 _"Yeah and I am the president of UK."_ Clarke scoffed, she didn't believe Lexa for a second.

 _"Really, Clarke, I'm fine."_ Lexa sighed as she finally looked at Clarke.

 _"What's in the woods?"_ Clarke changed tactics.

 _"Nothing."_ Lexa replied a bit too quickly.

 _"Fine, if you're not going to tell me."_ Clarke huffed and went back to doodling.

 _"I wish i could, but i can't tell you Clarke."_ Lexa explained.

 _"Okay. Are you coming to the party at Emori's house?"_ Clarke asked, the brunette was too stubborn and there was no way Clarke could get that information out of her sober.

 _"She invited me but I'm not sure if i should go."_ Lexa said, she wasn't really in a party mood.

 _"You should come, it'll be fun."_ Clarke said.

She wasn't going to go to the party because she wanted to keep Raven company at home but Luna forced her because it's her girlfriend duty to keep Raven company and Clarke should enjoy herself a bit.

 _"Will you be there?"_ Lexa asked.

_"Yeah."_

_"Then I'll be there."_ Lexa smiled at Clarke, the first real smile since this morning.

 _"Great."_ Clarke squeezed her hand. 

Lexa relaxed at the touch. She's noticed this the past few days, Clarke has this effect on her - she makes her feel relaxed just with a few words or touch. It's nice, works better than stupid meditation.

 _"Lexa?"_ Clarke called out as the class ended.

Lexa just hummed in response as she packed up her stuff.

 _"I'll protect you."_ she said and walked away, leaving a stunned Lexa in her wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments and kudos, makes me feel better about my shitty writing :)


	10. And she's even a romantic!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens at Emori's party.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW : Implied/reference to rape/non-con, Implied/reference to drugs and underage drinking  
> .  
> .  
> hope you enjoy ~

Lincoln, Anya, Lexa and Aden piled up in two cars - Lincoln and Aden in one, Lexa and Anya in another. Lincoln would drive Aden to his friend, Cage's house for a sleepover and pick up Clarke and Octavia for Emori's party. Anya and Lexa would directly go to the party.

Lexa had decided to dress up a bit - not because Clarke would be there - in a black flared skirt that reached just above her knee - which she had never worn but brought it as a dare from Anya - with a white button up and black suspenders. She even put on some makeup.

It was actually her first ever real highschool party because she's never really had time for that in Polis, with everyone knowing her as heda, she couldn't exactly party. But here, she could be just Lexa.

 _"Let me take a picture of you to send Titus."_ Anya said as she started the car.

 _"Oh my god, he'll have a heart attack."_ Lexa laughed. With all his conservative crap he definitely would not like for the heda to dress like this.

 _"I don't get his problem, you look so hot like this, you should flaunt it."_ Anya always complained about Titus's rigid ways.

 _"Heda is a position of command, i couldn't go around looking like an average school girl in Polis because everyone knew me as heda over there, so i had to dress like that."_ Lexa said. 

_"Ugh, no commander talk. Today, you're just Lexa Woods, a 16 year old useless lesbian who's finally going to ask out the dumb bisexual she's been crushing after."_ Anya declared.

 _"Wha..... I'm not...... I don't have a crush...... and I'm not asking anyone out."_ Lexa stuttered.

 _"Yes, you are. All you need is a little liquid courage."_ Anya grinned mischievously at her.

Anya pulled out a bottle of vodka from the backseat and handed it to Lexa.

 _"Drink up, little cus."_ Anya said.

Lexa looked at the vodka and then at Anya. She had two choices - say no and bear Anya sulking the whole time - or - fuck it and get wasted.

She choose the second one.

 _"Yeah! That's my girl."_ Anya cheered as Lexa drowned the entire bottle.

Lexa could hold her liquor pretty good. She's had to drink with people as the commander and with everyone wanting to have a toast - and get her drunk so she would spill something she shouldn't - she thanks her alcoholic father for this ability. 

She had never been actually drunk and today seemed like a perfect day to get shit faced.

When the reached the party, the entire driveway was lined with cars and the noise could be heard at least a mile away. Lexa winced as the loud music greeted her when she got out of the car - sometimes having heightened senses is hard.

 _"Let's go."_ Anya pulled her along into the house.

The first thing Lexa noticed was the too loud music - it wad hurting her ears a bit - and the second was the overwhelming scent of alcohol. It made her dizzy for a second before she got her bearings. 

_"How do you like the smell of cheap booze Lexie?"_ Anya laughed as Lexa crinkled her nose.

She's more used to drinking high quality expensive booze because - only the best for heda - when you have to currg favor someone you give them super expensive booze.

Anya dragged her towards the bar where Lincoln stood with Octavia and Clarke. Lexa's heart skipped a beat when she saw Clarke - like it always does. Clarke wore a light blue shirt and dark blue jeans with a jacket thrown over. She had done some light makeup after Raven bugged her to.

Clarke had been waiting for Lexa, she hoped Lexa would've have worn something that was not a jean and she was not disappointed. Lexa looked hot in those clothes - too hot for it to be legal - but then again, Clarke was biased.

 _"You look.......wow."_ Clarke said.

 _"You look wow too...... but you look good in everything."_ Lexa said, _"I'm sorry I'm a bit drunk and you look so pretty."_

 _"Don't worry, it's cute."_ Clarke grinned at her.

 _"Wanna sit somewhere?"_ Lexa asked as Octavia, Lincoln and Anya disappeared into the crowd.

 _"Sure."_ Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand and a drink as she spotted a clean looking sofa at the corner.

 _"Emori's party are wild in the best way possible."_ Clarke said as she sat closer than necessary to Lexa.

 _"I've never been to a party like this before."_ Lexa admitted nervously.

 _"Really? Next thing you're gonna tell me you're a virgin."_ Clarke laughed but Lexa didn't because it was the truth.

 _"Wait really??! I thought girls and guys alike would be throwing themselves at you. I mean look at you. Hot, sexy and cute. You're like the whole deal, Lex!"_ Clarke said despite herself being a virgin - she was definitely drunk but who cares when Lexa is blushing like that.

 _"They do throw themselves at me, but i guess I've been waiting for the right person to come along."_ Lexa replied.

 _"And she's even a romantic!"_ Clarke laughed as she took a sip of her drink, only to realize, it's empty.

 _"I'm gonna grab us a drink. Stay here I'll be right back."_ Clarke got up and walked over to the bar.

 _"Hey, doya mind if i sit here?"_ someone asked Lexa as soon as Clarke was out of sight.

 _"Yeah sure."_ she replied as she saw who it was, Roan Queen - Nia Queen's son - they had never seen each other so he probably didn't know her.

 _"Hey, can you just pretend to flirt with me."_ he whispered to her.

 _"Why?"_ she asked.

 _"My friends dared me to, but they don't know that I'm pretty fucking gay and i know for a fact you're into Clarke Griffin. Heh, i don't even know your name but the way you two look at each other is so obvious."_ he laughed obviously drunk.

 _"Lexa Woods."_ she said as she laughed along with him.

 _"Roan Queen. Fuck. I actually told you that, I'm too drunk. I'm sorrg for bothering you. Don't tell anyone, my mother might actually kill me."_ he said anxiously.

 _"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."_ she smiled. 

Yeah, if Nia Queen knew her son is gay and would not produce a heir for her, she would definitely kill him - after forcing him to produce an heir.

 _"But seriously dude, i think even a half blind person could see the lingering looks between you both."_ Roan chuckled, _"Finn was so pissed, it's hilarious."_

Lexa just grinned back at him. So she wasn't imagining it if even if a practical stranger could see it. She looked over the bar as the crowd cleared a bit, but therw was no Clarke in sight.

 _"She went to get drinks like 10 minutes ago."_ she said.

 _"Lexa, on the stairs."_ Roan pointed with a frown.

She looked at the stairs and crushed her cup at the pure anger she felt at the scene. Finn and two other guys were dragging a clearly out of it Clarke up the stairs, into the rooms section - she had enough knowledge to know what exactly happened up there.

Before Lexa even realized what she was doing, she was on her feet, pushing through the crowd to reach the stairs as fast as possible. She shoved everyone in her way aside, leaving Roan scrambling behind her.

 _"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"_ she growled at the three guys.

They immediately stopped and turned around, the other two guys looking scared but Finn just looked annoyed. As Lexa got a closer look at Clarke, she could clearly see, Clarke wasn't completely conscious.

 _"Mind your own business bitch."_ Finn growled.

 _"You drugged her! You fucking assholes."_ she punched Finn and he staggered back holding a bloody nose and the guys holding Clarke let her go.

She caught Clarke before she hit the ground and pulled her against herself. Lexa wrapped and arm around Clarke's waist to steady her and glared at Finn over her shoulders.

Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa mumbling something incoherent as she breathed out puffs of warm air at Lexa's ear. Lexa would've been flustered over it if she wasn't so pissed.

 _"You bitch, she's mine."_ Finn said and tried to grab Clarke.

Lexa reacted before she could think, the excessive amount of strong alcohol she drank clearly messing with her brain functioning so she missed her aim.

She was aiming for his knee but she miscalculated, her strength and the momentum of the kick and ended up hitting him in the groin - really hard. Since she's a nightblood who trains daily, she's really strong - so it must've hurt really fucking bad - she would feel a bit guilty if he wasn't such a dick.

 _"Damnn."_ Roan commented as he saw the scene in front of him.

Clarke was latched onto Lexa, clearly out if it. The two lackies had ran away as soon as they saw everything going downhill and Finn was writhing on the ground in pain, clutching his groin as he cursed. 

_"Roan, I'll be leaving with Clarke now, can you see that Finn doesn't follow us and don't tell about this incident to anyone."_ Lexa said

 _"Sure, boss."_ Roan saluted her with a grin and kneeled besides Finn to check up on him.

Lexa felt immediately sobered and she balanced and began walking towards the car. She left Finn to Roan and half carried, half dragged Clarke towards the car. No one even noticed them, everyone was too drunk. She strapped Clarke in the passenger seat without much struggle and was about to start driving when someone knocked at her window.

 _"What happened? Are you two okay?"_ Emori asked concerned - she had seen Lexa and Clarke leaving and decided ti check up on them. 

_"Ummm, Finn drugged Clarke so I'm taking her home."_ Lexa replied with a scowl.

 _"He did what?!"_ Emori frowned, Finn's a douche but she never thought he would do something like that.

 _"Yeah, I'm glad i found or in time or else...."_ Lexa trailed off, not even wanting to think what might have happened.

 _"I'm sorry, heda, i know this was your first proper highschool party and you couldn't enjoy it. I shouldn't have invited him."_ Emori felt responsible because it was her party.

 _"It's fine, i really did enjoy myself before all this happened. Just don't tell anyone else, I'm not sure if Clarke would want to. I'll be going now."_ Lexa smiled at the girl. 

_"Okay. Bye. Take care."_ Emori waved at her as Lexa pulled out of the parking.

She was halfway home when she remembered that she and Anya rode together. So she called Anya.

 _"Lexie? Why are you calling me?"_ Anya asked.

 _"I'm going home first with Clarke. You'll have to hitch a ride with Linc and O."_ Lexa said.

 _"Woah! Are you guys gonna?"_ Anya asked, excited.

 _"No. Ummm....... don't tell anyone this, I don't if Clarke would want everyone to know but Finn drugged Clarke so I'm taking her home."_ Lexa replied.

_"That motherfucking son of a bitch! Please tell me you beat the shit out of him."_

_"No, but i broke his nose and hit him in the balls, if that makes you feel better."_ Lexa laughed at Anya's reaction.

 _"Not enough. But okay, I'll wait until Clarke says something and then I'll beat the shit out of him."_ Anya grumbled.

 _"Sure, bye."_ Lexa smiled.

_"Byee."_

Lexa sighed. She just wanted to enjoy a simple night with her friends, getting drunk and playing cheesy party games. She wantes to talk to Clarke more and maybe kiss her - that dream had her wanting more - but Finn had to go ahead and spoil her plans.

Her blood boiled at the thought of what might've happened if it wasn't for her. How could someone even think of doing something like that to someone so sweet and kind like Clarke? She deserves so much more. 

_"Lex...."_ Clarke whined.

 _"Yes, Klarke?"_ she asked, keeping one eye on the road.

 _"It's hot...... hurts."_ she whined as she tried shrugging off her jacket.

Lexa looked at Clarke for a second with a frown. Aphrodisiac, Finn gave her an aphrodisiac. She should've hit him more and harder.

 _"Lexaaaa."_ Clarke said as she got stuck in her jacket.

 _"Klarke, just a minute, we're almost there."_ Lexa hurriedly parked the car in the driveway.

She helped a pouting Clarke out of the jacket. Clarke smiled dopily at her as she was finally free of the jacket and seatbelt. Clarke slumped over Lexa as she stepped out of the car.

Lexa blushed at their proximity. She could feel Clarke's lips hovering over her pulse point and it made her heart beat faster. Clarke licked at her neck and Lexa shuddered.

_Lexa, focus! She's not herself right now. Stop being a creep!_

Lexa shook her head and dragged them both towards the front door and hurriedly unlocked it - the keys slipping from her hand as Clarke kept kissing and sucking at her neck - it took all of Lexa's effort to not moan loudly.

 _"Lex."_ Clarke moaned as Lexa pushed her away from herself and onto the bed.

Lexa was a blushing mess and her heart rate was dangerously high. If Clarke got too close to her, she's afraid she might loose control and do something they'll both regret. She could feel the arousal pool in her stomach from Clarke's previous actions.

 _"Don't you want me?"_ Clarke asked with tears in her eyes.

_It's the drugs talking Lexa. Focus!_

_"Not like this. Not when you won't even remember it tomorrow."_ Lexa replied, _"I'll be right back."_

Lexa ran downstairs and out in the backyard where Aden had planted his little garden in a corner - she had helped him carry all his plants from Polis. She's never been glader that her little brother is a botany nerd and keeps talking about it at every chance he gets. She listens to him most of the time because he's so passionate about it, so it's kinda hard to ignore.

He once told her about some plant with a weird complicated name that she didn't bother listening that can counter the effects of aphrodisiac if it's juiced but straight away eating it might be harmful. Lexa quickly spotted the plant - she thanked her photographic memory - and went back to the kitchen.

She took out a small glass and crushed the plants between her palms until half the glass was filled with it's juices. It smelled really bad, she didn't even want to think about the taste. Poor Clarke.

 _"Klarke, wake up."_ Lexa shook Clarke awake from her slumber.

 _"No."_ Clarke whined breathlessly.

 _"Klarke, you need to drink this and change into something more comfortable."_ Lexa tried.

Clarke sat up and glared at Lexa for a while, she angrily took the glass from her and drank it completely without even looking at it.

 _"Ewww."_ she cried and glared at Lexa, _"You meany."_

 _"It'll help."_ Lexa bit her lips to stop the laugh from escaping at Clarke's adorable reaction. 

_"Your so bad. Why would you make me drink that."_ she groaned trying to rub that taste off her tongue.

_"Okayyy, how about I'll make you pancakes in the morning?"_

_"Choco-chip?"_ Clarke asked.

 _"Sure."_ Lexa smiled at her.

Clarke beamed at Lexa. 

_"Here you can wear my hoodie and these sleep shorts. Your clothes look pretty uncomfortable to sleep in."_ Lexa grabbed her clothes and handed them over to Clarke.

Clarke just stared at the clothes in her hands and then at Lexa sleepily. She shook her head to stay awake a bit more and began undressing.

Lexa respectfully walked away from her, into the bathroom to change herself. There's no way she's sleeping in her own room, so Anya's room it is.

When she walks back into her room to see Clarke's clothes thrown on the floor and her fast asleep in Lexa's hoodie. Lexa walks over to her and looks at her for a moment, she looks peaceful - and cute in her clothes. 

Lexa tucked Clarke in the covers properly, it's a chilly night - with it being especially cold near the woods - and places a kiss on her forehead. 

_"Good night, Klarke."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments and kudos, makes me feel better about my shitty writing and provides much needed motivation to write more :)


	11. Do You Sleep With A Knife Under Your Pillow?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the party...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy ~

Clarke woke up with a pounding headache and some weird disgusting taste on her lips. She groaned loudly burrowing herself in the covers - _why do they smell like Lexa?_ \- and clutched her head tightly, willing the headache away. She didn't even drink that much.

_"Here."_ someone - Lexa, she realizes - says.

_"What are you doing in my room?"_ she asked with a frown from under the covers.

_"This is my room, Klarke."_ Lexa replied. 

Clarke slowly opens her eyes, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness. She sat up agonizingly slowly, sure enough, it's not her room. The room has a very Lexa vibe to it - with a neatly study table in one corner with a stack of thick books placed on it - almost everything in the room is made out of wood - every piece of decoration and why are there so may candles? How does it smell so good?

_"Why am I in your room?"_ she asked.

Lexa handed her two pills and a glass of water which Clarke took wordlessly with a grateful smile. It's kind of unnerving how much she trusts the brunette, they haven't even known each other that long.

_"What do you remember about last night?"_ Lexa asked.

_"I went to get us drink and then Finn started to talk to me and...... i think he was taking me somewhere??? Then i heard you and....... what happened? I don't think i drank enough to black out."_ Clarke frowned, she doesn't black out like ever.

_"Finn drugged you. Aphrodisiac."_ Lexa replied apologetically.

Clarke stared at Lexa in disbelief - waiting for Lexa to start laughing and tell her she just got shit faced like everyone else does - but Lexa just looked at her apologetically.

_"You must be mistaken, Lexa. He's an asshole but he won't go that far. Me dumping him just hurt his ego a bit. He wouldn't do something like that to me."_ Clarke shook her head, trying to convince herself because that sounded exactly something he would do.

_"I'm sorry."_ Lexa said simply.

_"No. He wouldn't. I mean sure he turned out to be a piece a shit but he wouldn't go that far to......"_ Clarke didn't even want to finish the thought.

_"I'm sorry."_ Lexa said again as she wrapped Clarke in a hug.

Clarke buried her face in the crook of Lexa's neck, as a few tears made their way down her cheeks. She wasn't conscious enough last night but the feeling of dread about what might've happened to her terrified her. She tightened her hold around Lexa's neck, needing - wanting - something - Lexa - to ground her.

_"I'm sorry, he almost did that to. But, i wouldn't have let anything happen to you. You'll always be safe under my protection."_ Lexa whispered. 

Clarke just nodded, not trusting her voice to not break. She doesn't even want to think about what might have happened last night if Lexa wasn't there with her. Finn would have-

_"Chocolate chip pancakes?"_ Lexa asked, trying to make the blonde feel better.

Clarke pushed Lexa away slightly to look at her. Lexa smiled and gently wiped the tears off Clarke's cheeks as her arms were still wrapped around the brunette. If she leaned in just a bit, she could even kiss Clarke.

_"They're my favorite."_ Clarke said, they're her comfort food.

_"You told me last night."_ Lexa smiled.

_"Oh God, i didn't do anything embarrassing did i?"_ Clarke groaned.

Lexa blushed at the memory of last night - the way Clarke had moaned her name, Clarke sucking and kissing her neck and Clarke asking her why she didn't want her - she shook her head out of those memories. She didn't know whether to feel sad or glad that the blonde didn't leave any mark on her neck.

_"Oh god! I totally did. Let's never talk about it."_

_"I don't know Clarke, you-"_ Clarke clamped her hand on Lexa's mouth.

_"Nope."_ she said.

Lexa licked the palm of her hand and Clarke retracted it with a squeal. Lexa laughed as Clarke glared at her, feeling much better than a few minutes ago. She could get used to this. 

_"Freshen up a bit, the bathroom is through that door and then come get breakfast, I'll go wake the rest."_ Lexa said as she streched a bit and walked towards the door.

_"Rest?"_ Clarke asked.

_"Yeah, Linc, Anya and O crashed here."_ she replied, _"Only Anya knows and Emori and Roan, they were there, but don't worry they won't tell anyone unless you want to."_

_"Okay. Thanks. I don't think i want anyone to know, the Collins basically control the town and i just don't want any more trouble. I just....... i just want to forget about all this."_ Clarke said with a sad smile. 

Clarke sighed and fell back on her bed. She buried her face in Lexa's pillow and took a deep breath - letting the scent calm her. She finally stood up and walked towards the bathroom door.

She entered the bathroom to see a small note and a blue toothbrush kept on the sink.

_I had an extra if you want to use :)_   
_~ L_

She smiled at the quickly sprawled writing and Lexa's thoughtfulness. She took a look at herself in the mirror. She felt better than she's had in months despite the bags under her eyes and the exhaustion on her face. Maybe, letting someone - Lexa - in wouldn't be so bad.

_So that you can hurt her too?_

She frowned at the voice in her head which sounded too much like Finn. After last night there's no way in hell she's gonna listen to anything he or the annoying stuff his voice says to her. He's crossed a line last night.

Although she can't really take this matter with an adult because technically they were all underage and drinking. She couldn't get everyone in trouble just because of herself. Plus, complaining to any authority would be useless, they won't so anything against the Collins.

She brushed her teeth and washed her face, opting to stay in the clothes she already wore. The hoodie was unbelievably soft and smelled like Lexa, which was a bonus. The sleep shorts wers lengthy enough to not show her scars. 

She trudged down the stairs to find Octavia, Lincoln and Anya yawning and bleary eyed sitting at the kitchen counter with their heads hung low - they must've got real hammered last night - while Lexa worked them up some breakfast.

She could get used to this, waking up daily to find Lexa in the kitchen, making breakfast - minus the other three but she could make an exception some times - she would wrap her arms around Lexa and sleepily kiss her.

She smiled at the little day dream and sat besides Octavia, waiting for breakfast. The other three nodded at her - surely treating their hangovers - and she grinned back at them. Thankfully she didn't feel too hungover, just a slight headache and a weird taste on her tongue which she easily ignored.

_"Ugh why are you so cheery?"_ Octavia groaned, massaging her head.

Anya looked at Clarke with concerned eyes, 'I'm okay' she mouthed back at her and Anya just nodded. Despite her cold, bitchy exterior Anya cares a lot about her people and Clarke was just glad to be one of them.

_"Shouldn't have partied too hard."_ Clarke shrugged.

_"Just wait until you hear what these idiots did last night."_ Lexa glared at the three of them for a moment and turned back to the stove.

_"We said we're sorry Lex."_ Lincoln said.

_"You two are doing my chores for a month."_ she glared them down.

For the first time Clarke saw Anya look a bit afraid? The usual fiery blonde looked genuinely sorry and scared of Lexa. They sure did respect her a lot.

_"That's not fair, why only us? What about Octavia?"_ Anya said. 

_"Hey!"_ Octavia protested.

_"She'll be my gym partner for a week."_ Lexa smiled mischievously.

_"Good luck, O. You're gonna need it."_ Anya grinned. 

_"I'll miss you, babe."_ Lincoln said wiping imaginary-tears.

_"It's not like she'll kill me."_ Octavia said and looked at Lexa moving around the kitchen and then at the solemn reaction on the two siblings, _"right?"_

_"What did they do?"_ Clarke asked as Lexa placed a stack of four pancakes in front of her.

She grabbed the bottle of syrup and poured a generous amount on top of it. Anya stared at the dripping syrup with barely disguised disgust.

_"Hey! Don't judge."_ Clarke said.

Lincoln and Octavia had matching stacks of 10 pancakes in front of them. It's really a marvel how Octavia can fit so much in that small body - she eats almost as much as Lincoln - but she works out a lot and a girl needs all the energy she can get.

_"They decided it was too hard to just open the gate and walk in so they jumped the fence. And Octavia cut her arm on something while these two just laughed as she bled out. If that wasn't enough, they decided not to use the front door and broke into the house through Anya's window and i was sleeping there. I almost stabbed Octavia."_ Lexa said as she sat across from Clarke with her breakfast.

_"Do you sleep with a knife under your pillow or something?"_ Clarke asked.

_"I always have at least one blade on me at all times."_ Lexa shrugged as Clarke gaped at her.

_"Even at school?"_ Octavia asked.

_"Yeah. Do wanna see my collection?"_ Lexa asked.

_"Yes!"_ Octavia shrieked excitedly, she did have an obsession with blades.

_"You'll love it, babe."_ Lincoln smiled at his girlfriend and his cousin getting along so well. 

Lexa had never had friends at least not real ones, the only reason people ever approached her in Polis was to curry favor. Arcadia was like a breath of fresh air from Polis, with all the people she could actually consider friend - Octavia, Clarke, Echo, Murphy, Emori and the others.

_"I still can't believe you guys were laughing while i was bleeding all over the poor plants."_ Octavia shook her head.

_"It's not like you were gonna bleed to death."_ Anya scoffed.

_"In my defense i was very drunk. I don't even remember."_ Lincoln replied.

_"Thanks for bandaging me up Lexa. You're my true savior."_ O smiled at her.

_"I'm pretty sure it was Octavia's idea, she's a reckless drunk."_ Clarke said.

_"I'm not!"_ Octavia protested.

_"Remember that time we got drunk last winter and you decided it was a good idea to swim in the lake. Everyone except you and Luna got sick the next day."_ Clarke smiled at the memory, _"All of us got grounded for a week. Even Luna! And she doesn't even live with any of our parents."_

_"It's not my fault you guys have weak immune systems and it's not like i forced you guys."_ she shrugged.

_"Did you guys heard, last night at the party someone kicked Finn in the balls and broke his nose? Wow cruel, what did he do now. He even had to be hospitalized."_ Lincoln said as he read through the various group chats he was a part of.

Lexa choked on her breakfast and Clarke eyed her suspiciously.

_"It was you wasn't it?"_ she asked.

_"I swear it was an accident. I didn't mean to hit that hard but i was drunk and my aim was off, I was just going incapacitate him. I underestimated my strength."_ Lexa defended, afraid of Clarke being angry at her because she might've just injuried him gravely if he was hospitalized after all he used to be someone she cared about or maybe still cares about - but she couldn't find an ounce of regret in herself.

_"Well, he deserved it."_ Clarke shrugged.

_"What did be do?"_ O aksed.

_"He drugged me."_ Clarke replied. 

Lincoln and Octavia stared at her in shock, paused mid-bite while Anya just frowned even more. Octavia banged her fist on the table angrily while Lincoln angrily scrolled through the chats.

_"That mother fucking asshole! I'm gonna break his fucking kneecaps the next time I see him!"_ Octavia aggressively stabbed her pancake.

_"Babe, breathe. Not the food."_ Lincoln said.

_"Ugh, right, the food didn't do anything."_ Octavia softly stabbes the pancake, _"I know his fragile male ego got hurt when Clarke dumped him in front of the whole school but still you can't do that. Just...."_ Octavia groaned in frustration. 

_"They're saying be might never he able to have kids."_ Lincoln said amused, still reading off the chats.

_"I mean, i didn't hit him that hard."_ Lexa said but Anya had the 'oh really' look on her face, _"i think?"_

Anya smirked across the counter. After the phone call from Lexa she had found Roan helping Finn in his car. She wanted to so badly break his bones but he looked pretty pathetic so she just settled for kneeing him in the stomach.

He should be lucky they weren't back in trikru territory or else he would be in huge trouble - forcing yourself on anyone is a grave crime and the usual punishment is death by 100 whips - it doesn't matter if they were drunk or out of it, the punishment is the same, even if it was a woman.

_"Let's not talk about him."_ Clarke said and the other's nodded in agreement.

_"I bet Raven and Luna enjoyed last night."_ Octavia snickered.

_"I'm sure they did, I was surprised those horn dogs could keep their hands to themselves for so long."_ Anya laughed.

_"Ugh that's my sister you're talking about."_ Clarke and Lexa said at the same time.

_"Jinx."_ Clarke said.

Lexa just looked at her questioningly.

_"Don't tell me you don't know about jinx."_ Clarke gasped dramatically.

_"Is it something I should know?"_ Lexa asked.

_"What cave have you been living in."_ Octavia laughed at the dumb founded expression on Lexa's face.

_"It was a forest actually."_

_"Stay with us and you'll learn a lot of things."_ Octavia grinned at her.

Lexa had responsibilities bigger than herself and she could not abandon them, even if she had the chance to, she wouldn't because she's never been good at running from responsibilities and problems. 

Her father's death had been an excuse to be free of that responsibility, if only for a little while - 6 months. She's already used up one month to recover and now she has to find a solution of the magic problem because it's only so long until someone realized she actually can't use magic and it's not just an 'honor the dead' thing.

_I wish i could stay here forever._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments and kudos, makes me feel better about my shitty writing and provides much needed motivation to write more :)


	12. Not How I Imagined Meeting You Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some PLOT for y'all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy ~

Jake opened his eyes for yet another day of torture. They’ve been going at it for a long time, it’s probably been months since the accident – when you’re trapped in a nightmare, there’s no real way of knowing how much time has passed, everyday is pretty much the same, expect the torturer changes everyday.

They would torture him with innovative and creative ideas to get the information of his daughter out of him. But he’s too stubborn to give up and that just infuriates the demons. It’s kind of fun to see them angry because he doesn’t cry out in pain or beg for mercy.

_“Not how i imagined meeting you again.”_

His eyes snapped open at the familiar voice. He saw her standing few feet away - from his broke, battered body – with a sympathetic smile on her face. It’s been about 800 years since he last saw her – they were kids back then, ignorant of the world. They didn’t care that one was an angel and another a demon – they were just two lost souls enjoying the illusion of freedom.

 _“So you did imagine meeting me again, Vivian.”_ He smriked.

 _“You never change, you rascal."_ she laughed, _"This reminds me of the first time i saw you, all bloodied after fighting a demon.”_ She chucled at the memory.

 _“What can i say, demons love me.”_ He grinned.

 _“They sure do, tainted one.”_ she smiled, looking at the torture chamber with barely suppressed disgust – seeing a room this dirty is a nightmare for a clean freak, they should atleast clean it after they're done.

 _“Why are you here?”_ he asked when it became clear that she had to intentions of getting her hands dirty.

 _“I came to thank you,”_ she said, _“for taking care of my daughter.”_

 _“You have a daughter? What do you mean taking care of her?”_ he asked, confused. He would've heard about it if she had any kids - he's got a good information network.

 _“Two actually and a son, but you only know Luna.”_ She smirked at his shocked expression.

_“Luna is your daughter?!”_

_“Yeah, she told me about these two girls Raven and Clarke. She really loves Ra_ _ven and Clarke sounded like a nice girl."_ She smiled innocently at him as if they were just two people talking about their kids.

His face paled at the implication. Vivian knew about his daughter – his daughter who is currently wanted by the lord of hell who happens to be her birth father and also her king whose orders she can absolutely not disobey - unless she wants to be sent into the depths of hell to be tortured for all of eternity.

 _“I’ve know for what 3 years now. You really need to do a better job at keeping her hidden."_ she says, idly checking her nails.

He gritted his teeth. No one was supposed to find out; he made sure of that – no angel, no demon, and no other creature. If anyone knew, his daughter’s life would be in grave danger – everyone would want her for themselves. 

Half-angels are extremely rare. The last time one was born was 2500 years ago; unfortunately it didn’t survive past the age of 5 and was wanted by so many other creatures, in the end it was hunted down so that the half-angel wouldn’t fall into the hands of a demon. That’s why Jake had kept it secret from everyone – he even choose the path of a fallen angel to keep her a secret.

Vivian had known it ever since Luna told her about a Jake Griffin and his family in a letter when she first settled in Arcadia. She knew without a doubt it was the angel Jacob and his daughter - who was said to be dead. She didn't told anyone about that piece of information - and she never would've - until she was tasked to the investigation. It was either tell the truth or die.

_“Now you have two choices here, either i help you escape from this nightmare........ or I keep the information about your daughter safe. Choose.”_

_“Why would you do that?”_ he asked sceptically.

 _“There's a reason why we were called - still are by some - the tainted ones."_ she replied.

Jake and Vivian were both called the tainted ones when they were younger, because Jake was a bit too evil to be an angel and Vivian was too kind to be a devil. They still are the same, but they've learned to hide their true natures well - it was between changing yourself or death and no one really wants to die.

 _“If you tell everyone about my daughter you’ll be awarded with the highest order of your kind, so why?”_ he needed to know.

_“I have 3 kids, Jacob and I would do anything or them so I get where you’re coming from. So this is an offer, parent-to-parent. And you know better than anyone how much I hate 'him'. Why would i ever do anything for him.”_

_"So you're helping me to spite him."_ he asked.

 _"Sort of."_ she shrugged.

She was here because she pitied him - and she needs something from him - after the attack on Lexa, she was so pissed she still has her brother locked up undergoing torture until he tells her what she wants. She almost lost Lexa and she would never wish that on any parent. Plus, her father needed the half-angel for something secret that even she - the best information broker - didn't know. There's no way she's going to help him until she knows why.

 _“Fine. Keep my daughter safe. Please. I'll think of another way out of here."_ He said pleadingly.

 _“I have a condition.”_ She said.

 _"Thought you were doing this for the goodness of your heart?"_ he raised an eyebrow.

He's always been good at reading people - that's how he's survived this long - but Vivian always confuses him. She's a wierd one, but in a way she's the only one who truly gets him.

 _"There's a war brewing Jacob, and I'll be on the opposite side of my kids. So i need you to take care of them, make sure they don't go dying, okay?"_ she said sincerely.

 _"Sure,but if you haven't noticed, I'm kinda trapped in a devil's nightmare."_ he deadpanned.

 _"You'll wake up soon."_ she said and vanished.

Jake frowned as he stared at his own blood drippong down the wall in front of him. These were some shocking turn of events, but he knew he could trust Vivian. Just like him, she hates the world they are born in, but because her world is crueler than his she can't run away like he did.

* * *

Octavia dropped Clarke home after breakfast with the Woods. She walked in at 11am expecting the house to be empty as Madi would be out with some of her friends and Raven is still at Luna's - definitely catching up on the lost months - even though they spent most of their free time together in the hospital.

She hadn’t bothered changing out of Lexa’s clothes – Lexa didn’t mind if the blush on her face was any indication. It was surprisingly easy for Lexa to blush. Even though she kept her face as stoich as possible, the tip of her ears always gave her away.

Ever since the accident – since Jake was admitted – Abby hadn’t been home much. She would spend most of her time in the hospital. She took on extra shifts and was almost never home. Clarke hadn’t seen her mother in almost a week.

 _“Clarke, where were you?”_ Abby stood in the kitchen.

 _“Why do you even care.”_ Clarke replied and walked towards the stair.

 _“Clarke.”_ Abby said sternly.

 _“No. You don’t get to Clarke me! Dad is in the hospital but I feel like I’ve lost both my parents. I haven’t seen you in a week mom. A week! And then now you’re suddenly concerned about where i was? Do you even know what is going on in mine and Madi’s life anymore? Do you know that Madi got into the basketball team even though she’s a freshman? Do you even care anymore? You’re not the only one who’s sad about dad being in a coma mom! You're not the only one who's hurting! You don’t get monopoly over the grief!”_ she said with tears streaming down her face as she glared at her mother from across the kitchen counter.

Abby walked over to her daughter and wraps her arms around her. Clarke struggled for a moment before falling into her arms, clutching her jacket tightly as she sobbed. She had missed her mom’s hugs, her soothing voice and the way Abby could always calm her down. 

_“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”_ Abby said rubbing her back.

 _“I miss you.”_ Clarke’s voice cracked as she spoke.

 _“I know. I’m sorry. I need to go now, but i promise I'll be home for dinner.”_ Abby said.

Clarke nods and moves away from the embrace. She watches Abby leave and turns around to walk back to her room. She locks the door of her room and flops on the bed. She came home feeling light hearted and a bit happy, but now her heart feels heavy.

She didn’t mean to blow up on her mother and say those hurtful things but things couldn’t go on like that. Abby can’t just ignore their existence and damage her relationship with Clarke and Madi – and then just comeback after Jake returns like everything is fine, it doesn’t work that way. Madi doesn't say but Abby ignoring her hurts her.

She pushed herself up and walks to the bathroom, grabbing the box cutter from her table on the way. She sits on the edge of the bath tub - ridding herself od the shorts - she pushed the sleeves of Lexa’s black hoodie up, not wanting to get any blood on it.

She grazed her fingers over the old cuts, lingering over the latest one – 5 days ago. It had started 2 months after the accident. That day had been a particularly bad day for her in school because of Finn. He had said something hurtful to Octavia and forced Clarke to choose between him and O – and like an absolute fool, she had chosen him, the hurt look on Octavia's face when Clarke had grabbed her wrist, broke her heart. 

That day she locked herself in her room and her eyes fell on the box cutter she had in her drawer while he was looking for her headache meds. She had cut herself for the first time and it had brought a sense of relief to her, almost as if she was bleeding the pain out. She deserved to hurt like everyone else she had hurt and watching her blood drip down was oddly satisfying.

Just as the blade was about to touch her skin, her phone rang and buzzed in the hoodie’s pocket. She fumbled to take out the offending object. It was an unknown number. She picked it up with a frown.

_“Hello?”_

_“Hi, Klarke. This is Lexa. I got your number from Lincoln, i hope you don’t mind?”_ Lexa said hesitantly.

 _“Oh, Lexa! I was going to give you my number anyways. So why did you call?”_ Clarke said as she abandoned the blade in her drawer and flopped on the bed.

 _“Maybe i just wanted to hear your voice.”_ Clarke's breath hitched as she blushed at Lexa’s words.

 _“You left your clothes from the party in my room.”_ Lexa chucled as she heard Clarke’s breath hitch.

 _“Oh."_ Clarke said dumbly.

 _"Oh? Do you not want them back? As cute as you looked in my hoodie, i do want it back, Klarke."_ Lexa said, she didn't really want it back - it looked better on Clarke anyways.

 _"Huh, so you think I'm cute."_ Clarke said.

_"I don't think, i know you are."_

_Dammit Lexa! Stop being so charming._

_"What if i don't want to give it back?"_ Clarke challenged.

 _"Then you'll have to take me on a date."_ Lexa blurted.

 _"Are you asking me to ask you on a date? Shouldn't it be the other way around?"_ Clarke teased.

 _"I'm new to the town, i don't know the good stuff around."_ Lexa huffed.

 _"Hmmmm, tempting offer."_ Clarke wanted to sceam yes, she just wanted to tease Lexa a bit.

 _"Well is you're so opposed to the idea....."_ Lexa trailed off, fully aware that Clarke was just teasing her.

 _"Lexa Woods, would you like to go on a date with me?"_ Clarke asked.

 _"Why, i thought you would never ask, Miss Griffin."_ Lexa grinned.

 _"I hope you have a car to pick me up, tomorrow afternoon. I don't drive."_ she said with a hint of sadness - everytime she tries to drive, she panics as the accident flashes through her mind.

 _"We're going such a weird way about this, aren't we?"_ Lexa laughed. 

_"Normal is boring anyways."_ Clarke shrugged, _"Get ready for the best day of your life tomorrow Lexa Woods."_

_"I look forward to it Clarke Griffin."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave comments and kudos, makes me feel better about my shitty writing and provides much needed motivation to write more :)


	13. Why can't the universe just give me a break?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa date ?????? Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy ~

_"Lexa, for the last time, you look fucking amazing."_ Anya groaned.

Lexa came in her room around 9 in the morning worrying about how she has a date with Clarke at 12 but no good clothes to wear - which was true considering how most of her clothes were boring.

She's been changing and re-changing clothes for the past 2 hours because she can't decide what looks better, which is annoying for Anya because she looks good in everything!

 _"I just don't want her to be disappointed."_ Lexa grumbled.

 _"You could wear a garbage bag and she would still not be disappointed."_ Anya rolled her eyes. 

It's ridiculous really. Clarke and Lexa have been skirting around each other for a week now - the lingering touches and not-so-secretive gazes they think no one notices - even a blind person could seen the tension between the two.

Moments like these make it hard to believe that Lexa is the commander of the 12 clans who's words are absolute - someone not to be messed with. But it also makes Anya feel a bit sad because Lexa will never really be able to enjoy freedom and life like she wants to. Anya swore she would make these 6 months of freedom, the best of her life.

 _"Lexa, you should leave now. Rae just texted me."_ Anya said checking her phone, turns out Clarke is as freaked out as Lexa.

_Damn idiots._

Lexa looked at herself in the full body mirror one last - probably not the last - time. Clarke had told her it wasn't anything fancy and just to wear something comfy, but Lexa still wanted to do her best - she didn't want to half-ass this - Clarke deserves so much better.

She had borrowed Anya's clothes because her's were pretty boring and plain. She wore a white button up with a black blazer-jacket over it - even though she didn't get cold - and a black slightly riped jeans. Anya had done her makeup light with just some mascara and eyeliner. It was kind of ridiculous how nervous she was about this date, but then again it's Clarke.

 _"Are you having second thoughts?"_ Anya asked.

 _"I just, Ahn what if what happened to Costia happens again? And I'll be back in Polis in 6 months, what about that? I don't...... i don't want her to get hurt. We live in two different worlds....... and if she gets involved with me, she'll get involved in the worst of our world."_ Lexa sighed, running her hands through her hairs.

Costia was - is - her first love and she payed for that. They were friends since childhood which soon blossomed into something more. But after Lexa became Heda at 12, Costia's life was in constant danger. 

Two years ago, Costia was abducted by Lexa's enemies. She never found proof but she knew it was Azgeda, they're the only ones who dare to go against her. Azgeda is the vampire tribe in the coalition, they mostly stay up in the far north. The leader of Azgeda - Nia Queen - has her eyes set on Lexa's position for as long as she could remember.

Costia was turned against her will - her blood wasn't compatible enough to stabilize her mind - she became a rogue over powered by her hunger to even know what she was doing, wiped out an entire village by herself - she was forced to the point of no return.

The sweet, innocent Costia who would think twice before hurting anyone - who had a bright future ahead of her - became a monster, all because she loved Lexa. So Lexa did what Costia would've wanted her to, she hunted her down and put her out of her misery. 

_To be commander is to be alone._

Clarke made her forget about the rule and that terrified her. It terrified her that, she would fall in love and lose it all over again. Losing Costia broke her. She can't do it again. Her people need her - they need the commander - not a weak teenage girl with a broken heart - not someone who could be broken.

 _"Lexa....."_ Anya had no idea what to say to the young girl in front of her.

 _"I really like her Ahn."_ she sighed.

 _"You won't be the first commander to have someone."_ Anya said softly.

The previous commander was married to an elf. After his death, his wife decided to stay in Polis as an ambassador - to keep the peace between the elfs and other species. Lexa never interacted with her beyond the commander and an ambassador.

Lexa sighed again. She wished, not for the first time, thag she was just a normal teenage troubled over homework and her crush instead of keeping the peace between thousands of lives.

 _"I'm leaving."_ Lexa said.

 _"Take good care of my baby or else i will kill you."_ Anya said handing Lexa the keys to her mustang.

They would have this conversation again later. Lexa Kom Trikru might be the commander Anya serves, but Lexa Woods was her 16 years old cousin with the burden of the entire world on her shoulders and Anya would do her best to help her.

_"Yeah, i know."_

_"No sex in my car."_ Anya warned.

 _"Jeez Ahn! It's just a date!"_ Lexa ran out before Anya could say anything else.

She glanced at herself once again - definitely not the last time - as she sat in the car. She took a deep breathe and started the car as Anya opened the garage. Million thoughts running through her mind. But for now, she would concentrate on what mattered - Clarke. 

She drove slowly through the town as she wasn't in a hurry considering she left way earlier than needed to. Arcadia was a pretty place to live, with mountains and rivers and secret spots hidden among them. 

Lexa had an affinity to nature - thanks to her father's lineage. She felt the most at peace among the forest surrounded by the quiet noise. She prefered the natural beauty of Arcadia unlike the concrete jungle in Polis.

Her thoughts drifted towards the day - night? - when she first saw Clarke. They had yet to talk about what happened and Lexa had no doubt Clarke would shut down as soon as the topic would rise. 

Lexa's train of thought was interrupted when she saw Murphy stumble out of the woods. He looked dishelved and he was clutching his head looking around bewildered. 

She stopped the car and observed him for a moment - something was really wrong with him. He vanished back in the woods before she could call him out. She looked at the time, she had 10 minutes to pick Clarke from her house - enough time to check out what's wrong with Murphy.

She parked the car and locked it, carefully pocketing the key - she had no doubt Anya would kill her if something happened to the car. She jogged towards the area of the woods she saw Murphy vanish into.

 _"Murphy?"_ she called out.

She frowned when she got no response. She took a deep breath and concentrated on the sounds around her - the squirrels running around, the birds singing, cars, people talking somewhere behind her and Murphy groaning. She took off in that direction.

 _"Murphy?"_ she called softly seeing him leaning heavily over a tree, a few feet away from her.

He turned around and snarled at her. His face was deathly pale and there was dried blood on his neck, though there was no visible wound. His eyes were red-tinged and unfocused - unlike his usual warm blue eyes.

He lunged at her with in-human speed and strength, sending her crashing into a tree - she hoped the loud crack was the tree and not her bone. He pinned her down and attacked her neck. She grabbed the back of his head and pulled his face away from her neck, before he could bite down on it.

 _"What the hell?!"_ she growled and threw him off her.

Murphy landed on the ground with a feral growl. Before he could react, Lexa pinned him down with his hands behind his back, twisted in a slightly painful manner as she didn't want to hurt him much. 

_"Stop struggling!"_ she said, if he didn't stop she might have to actually hurt him.

Murphy sensed the threat and danger in her voice,even in his bewildered state, he knew she was much stronger than him. His head was a mess and so were all his senses. The sun was too bright, everything was way too loud and someone was currently pinning him to the ground. He had no idea what was happening.

 _"I need you to calm down Murphy."_ Lexa said gently.

 _"Lexa?"_ he said, confused.

_Why is Lexa here? Where is here exactly? Why does she have me pinned down? Why does she smell so appetizing? What the hell? Why did i just thought that?_

_"I'm going to let you go now. But if you make any sudden move i will knock you out. Don't try me."_ she warned.

Lexa slowly loosened her hold on Murphy and stood up, stepping back enough to let him stand. Murphy slowly sat up, wiping the dirt and leaves from his face.

 _"Did you have to throw me face first in the dirt?!"_ he frowned.

Lexa sighed in relief as his eyes turned back to their usual color. 

_"You didn't exactly give me a choice."_ she huffed.

 _"What is happening to me? Everything is just so messy and i..... I'm so hungry and thirsty and you smell so tasty. Why the hell did i just think that?!"_ he rambled.

 _"Hey, don't panic okay? I'll help you. We'll figure it out."_ Lexa said.

She had already figured out what was happening but there's no way easy way to tell Murphy. There's no hand book that says how-do-i-tell-my-friend-he-might-be-turning-into-a-vampire. She can't just say 'Oh you probably drank vampire blood and got killed and came back to life as a vampire!'.

Seeing him like this made her think of Costia. Was she terrified when she woke up? Or was she too far gone to realize anything at all? The latter sounds better, she wouldn't have suffered much. The fact that Murphy looked a bit like her didn't help Lexa focus on the issue at hand. 

_"Yeah. Okay. Okay. So what now?"_ he asked.

 _"Ummmm....... let me just make a phone call."_ she said. 

Lexa took her phone out, not turning away from Murphy - who knows what he might do - transitioning vampires tend to be unpredictable. She dialed Clarke's number, not wanting her to think she got stood up for the date.

 _"Hi."_ Clarke greeted.

 _"Hey, Klarke."_ Lexa said hesitantly, she had no idea what to say without hurting the blonde.

 _"Are you canceling the date?"_ Clarke blurted, _"I mean i would get it if you did. I'm too broken anyways, you probably know that better than anyone. Fuck, our first meeting was proof enough of that-"_

 _"Klarke."_ Lexa cut-off Clarke's rambling, _"I'm not canceling the date. I just have to do something really urgently and will be a bit late. Just that. I really don't want to cancel this date. Okay?"_

 _"Oh. Ok. I'll be waiting then. See you soon."_ Clarke hung up hurriedly.

 _"Well that wasn't surprising at all."_ Murphy commented, having heard the entire conversation.

 _"Let's go."_ Lexa dismissed the comment as she offered Murphy her hand to stand up.

 _"Where?"_ he asked as he dusted his clothes off, glad he wore a black shirt.

_"Do you know where Mr. Kane lives?"_

_"Yeah. But why?"_

_"He'll explain everything."_ she said and nudged Murphy to walk after fixing his jacket's collar to hide his neck.

Marcus Kane was the only vampire in town as far as she knew. He's been around for the past 200 years, surely he would know how to handle a transitioning vampire without causing him to lose his mind. Thankfully it didn't look like Murphy was losing his mind or fully transitioned yet. Whi knew how long he had. So she kept a careful eye on him - any sign of him going crazy again, she could easily knock him out.

He frowned, but walked anyways. Lexa didn't seem like she was going to say anything more. Mr. Kane's house was about 15 minutes by foot from here. So instead if going crazy with the loud noises and way too bright sun, he spoke again.

_"Clarke is hurting a lot you know."_

_"I do."_ she sighed.

_"Please don't make it worse. I don't think she can take it."_

_"I won't."_ she smiled at him.

Lexa was a interesting person. She looked really serious most of the times, but didn't know many basic things. Sometimes it seemed like she grew up in a totally different life - which was probably true. She had most of the students wrapped around her fingers and she didn't even knew that.

 _"So where are you taking her?"_ he asked.

_"I'm not. She is."_

_"Wait, she asked?!"_ Murphy asked, shocked. 

_"No. I did. Kind of."_ Lexa chuckled at Murphy's confusion.

_"This is not making any sense."_

_"I asked her to ask me out on a date because i don't know what's good around here."_

_"Well, sorry for intruding on your date with whatever the hell is going on with me. The last thing i remember is returning from Emori's house."_ Murphy looked at the ground feeling confused and irritated.

 _"Hey, it's fine."_ Lexa smiled at him, not remembering was common while transitioning.

 _"Okay, we're here. Now what?"_ he said as they stood in the shade of a tree in Mr. Kane's backyard.

 _"Now we knock."_ Lexa strode towards the door and curtly knocked three times.

The door opened two minutes later to reveal an annoyed Marcus Kane - interrupted mid nap. The weekends are the only times he gets to sleep during the day and he hates when interrupted.

 _"Commander?"_ he said surprised and schooled his feature to not look as annoyed as he felt. She may be younger than her but he has no doubt she was stronger.

 _"Marcus."_ she greeted and beckoned Murphy forward.

Murphy shuffled forwards looking between the two confused - Marcus looked almost afraid of Lexa. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Why did he call her commander?

Marcus looked over at Murphy. His eyes widened when he heard no heartbeat from the other boy and smelled the dried blood on his neck covered by the collar of his jacket. He quickly ushered the two inside.

 _"How did this happen?"_ he asked as he lead the two into the living room.

 _"I have a million questions, a pounding headache and I'm really hungry so can someone please explain what the fuck is going on before i loose my mind?"_ Murphy said as he paced the room anxiously.

 _"You probably have more experience than me with his situation."_ Lexa said.

 _"Right. Murphy you're transitioning into a vampire."_ Marcus said bluntly.

Murphy froze and stared at Marcus and then at Lexa - waiting for them to laugh it off and just tell him he's down with some bug - but they had the most serious expressions in their faces.

 _"What? Are you guys out of your minds? I swear to god if this is a joke!"_ he shouted.

 _"Murphy calm down. Don't make me hurt you."_ Lexa warned again.

 _"Fuck you! What the fuck do you mean by transitioning into a vampire? What the fuck man?! Not cool."_ he exclaimed and resumed his anxious pacing.

 _"Someone must've turned you maybe about 2 hours ago. Do you remember anything?"_ Marcus asked, unfazed by his outburst.

 _"What?! I don't....... no what? What the hell man...... i can't..... it's."_ Murphy's eyes reddened again and he dashed towards the door.

Before he could even reach the door Marcus grabbed him by the cuff of his shirt and dodged the vase Murphy flung at him. Lexa ran behind them, catching the vase before it could hit the ground.

 _"Oh thank god! That's 300 years old."_ Marcus sighed in relief.

 _"Let me go!"_ Murphy growled.

Marcus pulled a struggling Murphy inside. Lexa followed them both as Marcus dragged him through the living room into another room. 

_"Commander-"_

_"Just call me Lexa please."_

_"Okay. Lexa can you just remove this carpet and open the trapdoor."_ he would do it himself but that meant letting Murphy go and who knows what damage he might do in his confused fury.

_"Sure."_

Lexa stepped ahead of them and moved the carpet aside to reveal a trapdoor. She pulled it open easily and stepped aside to let Marcus in first.

Marcus stepped into the dark, not really needing any exterior light source to navigate. Vampires were skilled hunters, specially in the dark afterall.

Lexa followed them down. Since she was half demon, she had pretty good senses - she could definitely rival a vampire or werewolf in matters of sight, smell and hearing - infact she was better than them.

Marcus reached the bottom first and switched the light on, surprised to see Lexa already behind him. 

Lexa looked around the moderately big room. Why the basement was accessed by a hidden trapdoor was something she couldn't figure out - until she saw the 4 jail cells with heavy chains, cuffs and huge bars and locks - no wonder it was hidden. The entire place looked well cleaned and taken care of.

 _"What are you going to do with him?"_ she asked skeptically.

 _"Give him a while to cool down first. Then he'll have to make a decision - become a fully fledged vampire or die."_ Marcus flung Murphy in one of the cell.

 _"Let me the fuck out!"_ Murphy screamed, wildly pulling at the restraints.

Lexa nodded and waited silently as Marcus tied up Murphy with the chains and cuffs. He locked the cell and ushered Lexa out of the basement. He started speaking before Lexa could ask anything.

 _"This house belonged to a hunter. He had his entire basement filled with creatures he had caught. One day he made the mistake of capturing me."_ Marcus explained, he did not want to get in the bad graces of Lexa.

 _"I see. Do you have any idea who might've done this to him?"_ Lexa asked.

 _"As far as i know, I'm the only vampire in Arcadia."_ Marcus replied handing her a glass of water, _"Whoever did this did it in purpose. It wasn't an accident."_

 _"I'll handle it, just take good care of Murphy."_ Lexa said in slightly threatening tone.

 _"Yeah, I'll handle Murphy, you look like you have somewhere to be."_ Marcus smiled at her despite the threat.

 _"Yeah. Let me know if you find anything."_ she awkwardly waved at him and walked back to her car.

She sighed, running a hand through her hair in frustration. She had an idea who might've been behind this, but she prayed to whatever god existed she was wrong or else things might get messy.

She called up Anya.

 _"Why are you calling me during your date?"_ Anya said.

_"I haven't gone to her yet-"_

_"Why? Don't tell me you chickened out? That's so lame."_ Anya laughed.

 _"Anya."_ Lexa said in her commander voice.

Anya immediately sobered up.

_"There's a vampire on the loose. I need you, Lincoln and Aden to investigate it anf capture them."_

_"Sha, heda."_ Anya replied all signs of previous playfulness gone.

_"Let the others know to be careful. We don't know their intentions. Can't be anything good from what they've done."_

_"We'll handle it. Enjoy your date."_ Anya replied.

Lexa hung up on her as she reached the car. She checked herself in the side mirror once more to make sure she didn't have any dirt or blood on her. She groaned loudly and banged her head against the steering.

_Why can't the universe just give me a break?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honesty Murphy gives me vamp vibes idky  
> .  
> .  
> leave comments and kudos, makes me feel better about my shitty writing and provides much needed motivation to write more :)


	14. You're Not Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy ~

Clarke was dying.

She was pretty sure about that - or at least maybe she had developed some kind of heart condition - she'll have to talk to her mother about it, maybe get herself checked when she goes to see her dad next time.

Not being able to sleep at night wasn't anything new for Clarke, but the night before the date was different. She couldn't sleep not because of nightmares and the emptiness, but because her heart won't stop beating a mile per second - it's probably a heart condition, dying young doesn't sound so bad.

Despite the hour - maybe two - of sleep she got, she woke up in the morning feeling more alive than she had in months. The weather outside was perfectly splendid - bright and sunny - just like how she was feeling.

Raven was just as surprised as Clarke - maybe more so - when she saw Clarke making breakfast while singing, it was a rare sight ever since the accident - Raven wasn't at home but Madi was. She would have to thank her sister-in-law for this.

 _"Excited for the date?"_ Raven said as she collapsed on the kitchen counter, her leg didn't hurt as much right now but it was tiring.

 _"Yeah."_ Clarke replied with a grin.

It was really hard, for Raven to not make any smart ass comment, she didn't want to risk jinxing it or making Clarke mkre anxious than she already was. _"Where are you taking her?"_ she asked instead.

_"She's really into everything nature. So I've packed us a nice picnic at the lake."_

_"Pulling all stops huh."_

_"I really like her Rae."_ Clarke said as she placed double waffles in front of Raven.

 _"I can see that much."_ Raven said between bites, _"she's got the entire school hooked on her. I bet people are going to be so jealous if you."_

Clarke just looked at her with confusion etched on every feature. She's been in school and not noticed anything like that - admittedly her focus was only on one person.

 _"Oh My God! Don't tell me you didn't notice anything!"_ Raven laughed, _"Let me guess, you were too gay for Lexa to notice around you?"_

Clarke glared at Raven, trying - and failing - to hide her blush.

 _"How do you even know? You weren't even at school?!"_ Clarke feels dumb for even asking that question.

Raven is probably the most social person she knows. Everyone knows Raven - she's friends with everyone, except probably Finn and his gang. Raven always knows everything that happens.

 _"I'm a god, i see all, i know all."_ Raven shrugged.

Breakfast was a usually Raven's time to chatter, but today Clarke had too much nervous-excited energy to shut up - she wasn't a morning person, but this morning was just perfectly splendid. The two talked about everything and nothing for almost an hour until Clarke ran up to get ready - it was already 10.

* * *

_**Genius & Cheekbones (10:03 am)** _

_**Genius :**_ _Oh my God! What has Lexa done to my Clarke??!! She's so bright today!_

_**Cheekbones :** Lexa isn't faring any better. She's finding 'the perfect outfit' since an hour. I've never seen her this nervous._

_**Genius :** They grow up so fast *cries in spanish*_

_**Cheekbones :** *rolls eyes in english*_

_**Genius :** Don't pretend like you're immune to Lexa's charm. I've heard all about it from O. I would love to see it myself._

_**Cheekbones :** She just a kid with the world on her shoulders, it's the least i can do._

_**Genius :** Won't it be dangerous for Clarke? With Lexa being the commander and all??_

_**Cheekbones :** Lexa can handle it. _

_**Genius :** If you say so, i don't want her to get hurt._

_**Cheekbones :** Me and you both kid._

_**Genius :** You're just a year older than me!_

_**Cheekbones :** And you're mental age is 5, what's your point?_

_**Genius :** Fuck off, Grandma!_

* * *

_"Damn Griff!"_ Raven whistled as Clarke finally showed her face after she was done 'getting ready'.

 _"Is it good enough?"_ she asked nervously.

 _"Good enough? Girl, if Lexa doesn't bone you, I just might."_ Raven laughed.

 _"Luna would kill me."_ Clarke shook her head. 

_Raven and her damn sexual humor._

Since it was going to be just a nice, peaceful picnic, Clarke opted to wear just a simple grey sweater with black sweat pants and boots. Just a nice simple, casual outfit - with light makeup.

 _"Is it too casual? Should i do something more?"_ she asked.

_"Nah. This is just fine."_

_"Okay. She'll should be here soon, it's almost 12."_ Clarke checked her watch for the hundredth time in and hour.

 _"I asked Luna, she said it's the perfect idea. Lexa loves all the nature shit but she lived in Polis, there wasn't much forest or even a decent lake there. She would love it."_ Raven assured her.

 _"I hope so."_ Clarke sighed.

She jumped slightly when her phone rang and hastily grabbed it off the coffee table - it's Lexa.

 _"Hi."_ she greeted.

 _"Hey, Klarke."_ Lexa sounded a bit hesitant?

_Is she having second thoughts? Did she realize I'm not worth it? That I'm too broken to be loved?_

_"Are you canceling the date?"_ Clarke blurted, _"I mean i would get it if you did. I'm too broken anyways, you probably know that better than anyone. Fuck, our first meeting was proof enough of that-"_

 _"Klarke."_ Lexa cut-off Clarke's rambling, _"I'm not canceling the date. I just have to do something really urgently and will be a bit late. Just that. I really don't want to cancel this date. Okay?"_

 _"Oh. Ok. I'll be waiting then. See you soon."_ Clarke hung up hurriedly, not wanting to hear anything more in case Lexa changed her mind.

 _"Clarke? What's wrong?"_ Raven asked.

She had went to the bathroom for just a minute when she heard Clarke talking with someone on the phone - despite her sharp hearing she blocked out the voices, wanting to give Clarke proper privacy. She came back to a bewildered Clarke just staring at her phone.

 _"It was Lexa, she'll be a bit late, said she has to do something urgently."_ Clarke replied, biting her lip.

 _"Oh. I'm sure she'll be rushing to finish whatever it is. She would be a fool to miss out on you anyways."_ Raven assured her.

 _"What could it be? Do you think she's in some sort of trouble?"_ Clarke asked.

 _"I'm sure she'll handle whatever it is."_ Raven assured her.

Since Lexa is the commander, it could be anything - nothing good if she has to handle it during her vacation - Raven just prayed everything's fine. Arcadia has always been a peaceful town, thanks to the barrier but there's no telling what might happen now that there's something going on with the barrier.

 _"Why don't we watch something to pass time? I'll even let you choose."_ Raven said.

 _"Oh thank god! I can't watch another one you your science shows without losing my mind."_ Clarke grabbed the remote from her.

 _"Whatever."_ Raven huffed.

The two sat and watched some documentary about life of pandas in the wild, with Raven giving absurd comments - mainly to distract Clarke - it was working. Clarke forgot all about the date and Lexa until someone knocked on the door.

 _"I think it's her."_ she said.

 _"What are you waiting for? Go!"_ Raven pushed Clarke off the couch.

Clarke took a deep breath as she ran a hand through her hair to smoothen them and walked towards the front door. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest and she's pretty sure Lexa could hear it across the door - she's not wrong.

 _"Hi."_ she said breathlessly.

 _"Hi."_ Lexa smiled and handed her a bouquet.

Clarke took the flowers, blushing slightly as she took Lexa in with hungry eyes. She looked perfect - the white button up with the first two buttons open were tempting, the jacket and the slightly ripped jeans - she looked hot. 

_"You look really pretty."_ Lexa said.

 _"And you look really hot."_ Clarke blurted.

Lexa blushed and Clarke did too - she did not mean to be so upfront but Lexa just brings out this flustered side of her, she's never felt like this with Finn. 

Inside the house, Raven covered her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud and ruining their moment - Clarke would murder her, Lexa would definitely help hide the body - and knowing who Lexa is, it wouldn't even be a problem.

 _"Let me just grab some stuff."_ Clarke said and hurried inside, putting the flowers in a vase for now.

She grabbed the picnic basket and banket, and checked herself once again to make sure she looked good enough. She said a hasty goodbye to Raven and followed Lexa to the car.

Lexa - ever the chivalrous one - grabbed the basket and blanket from Clarke, depositing it in the backs eat before opening the door for Clarke.

 _"Thanks."_ Clarke said feeling more and more flustered.

_How can someone be so perfect?_

_"So where to?"_ Lexa asked as she pulled out of the driveway.

 _"Just go straight, I'll tell you went to turn."_ Clarke replied.

 _"Out of all the ways to go we just had to go straight huh."_ Lexa said.

Clarke burst into laughter at Lexa's terrible joke - it wasn't even that funny - and adorable annoyed expression she had. Lexa grinned back at her - she's not used to joking, so she was just glad she could make Clarke laugh - that sound is music to her ears.

 _"Why were you late?"_ Clarke asked.

 _"Oh, that. I had to help someone on the way."_ Lexa replied.

_"Are they okay?"_

_"I hope so."_

Clarke hummed in response, looking out the window. She grew up in Arcadia her whole life, but still can't get enough of the beautiful view. 

_"It's beautiful isn't it?"_ she said. 

_"It is."_ Lexa said staring at the soft content expression on Clarke's face. 

It took Clarke a while to figure out Lexa wasn't talking about the view. By now, the blush on her face had become permanent.

The two just existed in comfortable silence - they had talked a lot in the past week about everything and nothing at all - Lexa loved listening to Clarke talk, the rasp in her voice and the way her eyes shine when she's talking passionately is her favorite sight.

Clarke had only dated twice before Lexa - with a senior Niylah - it wasn't anything serious between them but it was nice - and Finn - it wasn't exactly nice, she felt more like an object than a person. She was not really comfortable in these two relationships, it always felt like she had to change herself or talk more, smile more to be acceptable around them. But with Lexa it was different, she could be herself with out needing to act like something she was not. It was nice - better than nice actually.

 _"Is this it?"_ Lexa asked as they stopped near the lake.

 _"Yeah. I know you like nature and all that, so I thought you would like to come to the lake. I've got a secret spot in the back, the view from there is awesome. You would love it!"_ Clarke gushed.

 _"Since you chose it, I'm sure I'll love it."_ Lexa beamed.

Lexa grabbed their stuff and followed Clarke. Clarke chatted on about the history of the town, how it was founded and where to find the fun stuff in town - everything one needs to know to enjoy themselves. Lexa was just content listening to Clarke.

Lexa layed the blanket at the spot Clarke had chosen. It overlooked the entire lake and was pretty hidden from general view. They sat together under the shade of a huge mango tree, enjoyjng their surroundings and the company.

 _"Sorry, I'm boring you, aren't i?"_ Clarke said when she realized Lexa wasn't talking at all.

 _"What? No! Not at all. It's just, i like hearing your voice. And when you talk about something you're interested in your face kind of sparkles. It's cute."_ Lexa gave her a lopsided-smiled.

 _"Oh."_ Clarke breathed, too shocked to say anything else. No one has ever said that to her.

 _"Yeah. Plus i don't really have much to talk about" - because i can't tell you all the things i do have to talk about -"So I'm just good listening to you. Plus the things you say are actually interesting. I mean I've been here for a little over a month and no one bothered telling me there's a lake."_ Lexa shrugged.

 _"It's fine, there's a lot of good spots in Arcadia. You'll love it here."_ Clarke grinned.

 _"Why don't you take me to another one, next time?"_ Lexa asked hopefully.

_"Next time?"_

_"Yeah........ unless you dont want to?"_ Lexa backtracked quickly - she didn't want to force anything on Clarke.

 _"No!"_ Clarke said loudly, _"I mean, I would love to."_ she said softly.

 _"Great."_ Lexa smiled.

 _"Yeah."_ Clarke smiled back.

 _"Are people allowed to swim here?"_ Lexa asked.

_"It's cold now, but during the summers, yeah."_

_"My body runs hot."_ Lexa shrugged.

 _"It sure does."_ Clarke muttered.

 _"Did you make all this yourself? It's really good."_ Lexa asked taking another bite of her sandwich.

 _"Yeah. Me and my dad are the only ones in my house that can make proper food."_ Clarke said with a sad smile.

 _"I can't cook, it's mainly because i don't usually need to."_ back in Polis there were servants to do all the menial tasks, _"But for what it's worth, I can manage myself in the wild."_

_"Like hunt animals and stuff?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"What are you? A cave women?"_ Clarke laughed.

 _"I grew up in a tribe Klarke, we used to hunt to survive."_ Lexa said.

 _"Okay. Not cave women then._ " Clarke pretended to think, _"Mowgli, then. Were you by chance raised by wolves?"_

Lexa almost choked on the sandwich she was eating. Clarke wasn't exactly wrong - since her father didn't really care and her mother couldn't be there, she spent most of her time before commander with a pack of werewolves until she had to move to Polis. Even after she became the commander, she's kept in contact with them - although secretly, she didn't want to put them in any danger.

 _"Oh My God! You don't about Mowgli."_ Clarke said because Lexa looked a bit lost.

 _"I'm afraid i don't."_ Lexa said sheepishly.

She had no idea about who Mowgli was supposed to be. As the commander she didn't really get the chance to spend leisurely time watching random tv. She spent most of her free time training the kids or reading.

 _"This is unacceptable."_ Clarke said seriously.

_What kind of person does not know The Jungle Book?_

_"We're having a movie marathon, day after tomorrow, you absolutely need to watch the classics atleasy."_ Clarke said determinedly.

 _"We are?"_ Lexa aksed.

 _"Yep. My house, Rae and Madi won't be home, so it'll be just the two of us._ Clarke said.

 _"So it will be just you and me. Alone. Without supervision."_ Lexa repeated.

Clarke blushed when she realized what she had said. 

_"Geez! Not like that, not that I'm opposed to it, but for now we'll just netflix and chill."_ Clarke said.

 _"Netflix and Chill?"_ Lexa had heard enough from Luna to know what it meant at least.

 _"You know what i meant."_ Clarke huffed, hiding her face.

 _"I'm sorry, I'll stop teasing you now."_ Lexa laughed.

Clarke shook her head and buried herslef further in her knees from the sheer mortification of what she had being implying. Lexa would surely think of her as a loose kind of girl now. 

_"Klarke can you move your knees. They're kind of hiding my view._ " Lexa said softly when Clarke had to intentions of looking up.

 _"That was so corny, Lex!"_ Clarke said as she looked up to see Lexa grinning at her.

 _"It worked didn't it."_ Lexa shrugged.

Clarke laughed again and laid down, looking up at the bright sky. It was a beautiful day indeed. They spent a few minutes - or maybe it was an hour, who cares, they were just content in each other's company - just peacefully existing, until Lexa spoke again.

 _"Clarke....."_ Lexa began hesitantly - she wasn't sure how to bring this up, _"About the night at the cliff, i think we should talk about it."_

Clarke sat up instantly, but avoided eye contact with Lexa. She had hoped Lexa would forget about it - it was a futile hope really - or they could just never talk about it again.

 _"I lost someone special to me a year and a half ago."_ Lexa began, _"I loved her and losing her broke me, badly. So if we're going to do this, you and me, I need to know that you won't try something like that ever again."_

 _"Did she....."_ Clarke let her question trail off.

 _"No."_ Lexa said.

Lexa hooked her middle finger under Clarke's chin and gently turned her face so they could see each other. Lexa caressed her face with one hand while the other rubbed soothingly on the back of her palm.

 _"Talk to me Clarke."_ she said softly.

The amount of care and softness in Lexa's voice and the understanding look on her face was enough to break down all of Clarke's defenses.

 _"I'm sorry. I didn't, I didn't mean to. You were right, i didn't want to die. I don't want to, but I'm so exhausted, i didn't, know what else to do. It's everything is just so exhausting and i feel so much of everything and sometimes I'm not even sure where I'm feeling it. It's like other's emotions are affecting me and it's always been like this for me. I've always been sensitive to other's but my dad always helped me with it and now he's not here and he might never be and i just. don't. know."_ Clarke said with tears stinging her eyes.

Somewhere along her long rant, she had gravitated closer towards Lexa or maybe Lexa moved closer. When she opened her eyes again, her face was so much closer. Clarke's eyes flitted towards Lexa's lips and she leaned in slowly.

Lexa felt a shiver through her body when their lips finally met in a slow, soft kiss. Clarke sighed softly against her lips and wrapped her arms around Lexa's neck to pull her closer. Lexa whimpered when Clarke softly bit her lower lip.

When they pulled back for air, Lexa smiled softly at Clarke and wipes her tears with the pad of her thumb. Clarke leaned into the touch as she rested her forehead against Lexa's sternum.

 _"I won't. I don't want to."_ Clarke said.

_"You're not alone Clarke."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys like it, I'm not too sure this date was satisfactory enough, but i tried my best to make is good :)  
> .  
> so let me know in the comments :)


	15. Heart Attack Sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not much Clexa, but there's a bit SeaMechanic...
> 
> Also, PLOT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if this requires a TW but there's depiction of heart attack in the chapter
> 
> Hope you enjoy ~

_"Okay. So best case scenario, the blockage is successfully removed and worst case scenario, you die of a heart attack."_ Luna said.

 _"But, I've made this healing potion, it's super effective. So you won't die, but it's going to hurt a lot."_ Aden added.

 _"It's not like there's any other choice."_ Lexa sighed, already resigned to her fate.

 _"This is the last resort. If this doesn't work, we're officially out of options."_ Luna said as she read through a list of things they had tried earlier - a bunch of spells and potions.

The three siblings were holed up in the restricted section of Arcadia library, which is completely related to magic. Since, Lexa is the commander she got the three of them easy entry - one look at Lexa's blood red band can get her easy entry everywhere. They've been researching and trying various methods for almost a week now. They've been using various spells to read through as many books as they can because Lexa's condition is a ticking time bomb, the sooner they find a solution the better.

After skimming through hundreds of books in the library and trying any and every relevant spell or potion they could find to remove the blockage, they're left with only one last option - their last resort. It's a dangerous potion which might even cause death, but they have no other option.

Thankfully Aden is an extraordinary brewer and was able to complete it on the third try in just two days - since the ingredients were rare, they didn't have many chances to screw up.

 _"I still think we should've gotten it brewed from an expert."_ Aden said.

 _"First of all, you're an expert, uncertified but still and expert, i don't know anyone better than you. Second of all, have some faith in yourself. Third of all, we can't let this get out in any way."_ Luna said for the hundredth time.

 _"Okay, let's do this."_ Lexa grabbed the vial of thick black ominous looking liquid and gulped nervously.

 _"Bottoms up."_ she said before downing it in one gulp.

Lexa banged the vial on the table, accidentally shattering it into pieces as the burning liquid made it's way down her throat. She could vividly feel it slowly dissolving in her blood cells and making it's way to the root of the problem - her heart.

The heart is the source of magical energy for every creature - if you crush or destroy their heart in any way, they will die because there will be no magic flowing through their vein, that is, nothing keeping them alive.

Witches produce a significantly large amount of magical energy and can chanel this energy outside their bodies, hence preforming spells.

During a full moon, the magical energy in the body of a werewolf is enhanced and they chanel that excess energy to shift as their human bodies are not built to sustain large amount of magical energy - some with exceptional control over it can resist the shift or shift anytime they want. 

Vampires don't die unless their hearts are crushed because of the same reason - since they're body is technically dead, it can stand the repercussions of having too much magical energy and can be resurrected again and again - that is until the source is destroyed.

No one ever attacked by a reaper survives because a reaper's bite contains a poison that destroys the heart. But, since Lexa is part demon, instead of destroying her heart, the poison corrupted it - her heart still beats and produces magic, but it is no longer able to release that energy. 

The poison has formed a blockage around her heart, stopping the outer flow of energy, instead sucking it all up. The only reason she's alive is because she's the strongest witch alive with an abnormally large amount of magical energy and the flame, which is keeping the poison from advancing any further.

 _"Hey, Lex. Look at me. How do you feel?"_ Luna asked as Lexa crumbled the side of a table with her bare hands.

 _"Burns."_ Lexa gritted out, clenching her fists even more.

 _"Okay we did not plan for it burning your insides. Shit. Fuck. Aden get some iced water."_ Luna said and Aden took off quickly.

 _"Fuck there's nothing here to cool you down."_ Luna grumbled as she looked around their spot in the library, _"Damn it, why is it burning? The liquid was pretty cold."_

Lexa doubled over in pain clutching her chest. She groaned and cursed as her heart throbbed violently in her chest - it almost felt like it would burst out of it's confines and she's pretty sure her rib just cracked.

 _"Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Lexa! Hey! Drink this. Now."_ Luna handed her a pink vial.

Lexa grabbed it with trembling hands and with Luna's help, drank it down. But, the pain did not reside, not yet. She screamed loudly - thankfully Luna had put up a silencing spell around their area. 

_"Dammit! Don't die on me commander."_ Luna said frantically, as she cradled Lexa.

 _"Did you give her the potion?"_ Aden asked worriedly as he placed the bottle of iced water on a table.

_"Yeah. But it's not working yet."_

Lexa's body went deathly still for a moment. Aden and Luna paled as tears welled up in their eyes - it wasn't supposed to be like this, none of their contingency plans worked. Lexa can't die like this - it wasn't supposed to happen.

 _"Not dead yet."_ Lexa croaked.

 _"Fucking hell! You scared us."_ Luna cried and pulled Lexa in a tight hug.

 _"Let her breath."_ Aden sighed in relief.

Lexa sat up with her back to a table as trembles racked her body and her heart beat irratically, it had came close to stopping for a second, but thankfully it didn't.

 _"I'm okay."_ she said.

 _"Yeah right and I'm the Queen of England."_ Aden muttered.

 _"Let's get you back to my place, I'll take a look at you once we're there."_ Luna said.

 _"I can't stand yet._ " Lexa clenched her hands tightly to stop them from shaking but to no avail.

 _"Teleport?"_ Aden asked.

 _"Too weak for that."_ Lexa shook her head, _"It'll take me a while to get my bearings."_

 _"Yeah, no shit."_ Luna rolled her eyes.

 _"I think i cracked a rib or two."_ she groaned.

 _"Okay so that was our best bet. Now what? We literally looked through everything here."_ Luna said.

 _"I don't know, okay."_ Lexa snapped, _"As long as people don't know I'll be fine."_

 _"How long do you think you can keep this a secret? They'll find out sooner or later."_ Luna said.

_"Then let it be later."_

_"Let's not argue okay? Lexa is right, we can't do anything. But what about mom? She's been looking for something too, so why don't we tell her what all we found out so she can use our notes to find some solution."_ Aden suggested.

 _"If she found something she would've let us know."_ Luna argued.

 _"It's out of our hands now, Luna."_ Lexa sighed, she was too drained to have this conversation.

 _"So what? You're just going to sit and wait for someone to find out and try to kill you? Nia is literally at your throat."_ She scoffed, _"It would've been fine if you weren't the commander, but that won't happen. Who the hell even thought it was a good idea to put kids agianst each other and force them to rule the world until they die."_

 _"Maybe because the flame will kill it's host if it's an adult and it only works on kids younger than 16."_ Aden added helpfully.

 _"Well, no offense, but the flame is a little bitch. I don't get the 'worthy of it' shit at all. You need a host and we're giving you one, why do you have to be so fucking choosy?"_ Luna grumbled.

 _"Because in the wrong hand it can become a weapon of destruction, so it has to test it's host."_ Lexa rolled her eyes.

The flame is not exactly a flame, that's just what it's called. It is believed that it used to be a part of an angel who gifted it to the world. The commander - the possesser of the flame - is the one true leader of the world, just as the angel said.

Only those worthy of the flame may possess it. The aim of the conclave held after the commander's death is to find the next worthy person - kid because it's not compatible with adults as kids are easier to mold - to be choosen as the commander.

Lexa would never forget her ascension day. She wasn't sure if the flame would even accept her because she's part demon and doesn't that immediately make her not worthy? That day she truly understood that blood does not make you worthy, it's your heart and your soul that marks your worth. 

Lexa sighed and closed her eyes, she was exhausted - mentally, physically and emotionally. Taking this potion was reckless, but unfortunately it was the only option - at least she could say she tried. The rest is up to fate.

* * *

Lexa opened her eyes in an unfamiliar environment and panicked for a moment before the familiar voices of people bickering reached her.

She lifted herself slowly - wincing as her chest throbbed - to see Luna and Anya arguing about something. Her mind was too blurry to make out the words, but if had to guess - they were arguing about her.

 _"Take it easy, Lex."_ Lincoln said, sitting besides her.

He helped her sit comfortably on the bed, stuffing a few pillows behind her back to alleviate the pain a bit.

 _"What the hell were you thinking you fucking idiot?!"_ Anya growled angrily.

Lexa winced at her tone. She might be the big bad commander, but even she would prefer to not anger Anya - she's terrifying.

 _"I didn't tell her shit. She just burst into my home and started yelling."_ Luna explained.

 _"Can you ca_ _lm down, your emotions are all over the place."_ Aden sighed as he felt the floor trembled slightly.

Emotions and magic are closely related. Sometimes when a witch experiences extremely strong emotions - it could be happiness, anger, sadness, anything - or they lose control of their emotions, they tend to lash out, usually causing harm to their surroundings - things falling or exploding, an earthquake, etc.

 _"Explain."_ Anya growled as she towered over Lexa.

Lexa looked at the four people surrounding her and she couldn't help the feeling of warmth in her chest - these were the people who cared and loved Lexa as she was and not the commander - she couldn't be happier than in this moment.

 _"You little shit, why are you smiling?_ " Anya glared at her.

_"It's just, i just realized how lucky i am, to have you guys."_

_"If only people knew, how sappy their big bad commander was."_ Luna muttered.

 _"Whatever."_ Anya grumbled, although she felt a bit calmer now.

 _"The reason why me and Aden left Polis was, because we were attacked by reapers."_ Lexa saw Anya flinch.

No one except the three nightbloods knew the real reason of Lexa leaving Polis - not even Titus knew. She had used the excuse of her father's death to take a 6 month leave, leaving Titus in charge of her duties - he's extremely loyal to the flame afterall.

 _"I was bit, many times in fact. The poison in the reaper's bite made me unable to use magic, which is why I'm here. The reapers won't stop hunting me until I'm dead now that they have my scent and they can't really get in here, so it gives me some time to find a solution to this problem."_ Lexa ran a shaky hand through her hairs, the memories of that night still haunt her, _"But since there's some problem with the barrier, we've had to speed up the search. That's why me and Aden have not been around much, we've been spending every free moment researching in the library. Nothing's worked so far."_

Anya and Lincoln just looked at Lexa, their faces devoid of any emotion. They had known something was wrong when Lexa decided to stay with them in Arcadia, but they didn't know the extent of the problem.

 _"Why didn't you tell us earlier?"_ Lincoln asked.

 _"I didn't to worry you. I though..... i thought we would've found something by now, because the Arcadia library has so many ancient records, surely there must be something."_ Lexa laughed bitterly, _"We tore through the entire place, but nothing worked."_

 _"This is not good."_ Anya muttered, _"Nia is planning something. The vampire you sent us to catch was Azgeda, he killed himself before we could stop him."_

 _"He turned John Murphy. I have no idea what else he must've done."_ Lexa said.

 _"Is he okay? Did he...."_ Lincoln let the question trail off.

 _"He's at Mr. Kane's place. I'll talk to him tomorrow after school and let you know."_ Lexa assured.

 _"What do we do now? The library is useless. There's nothing there, i can't believe we spent so much time reading through all those books for nothing."_ Luna grumbled.

 _"It wasn't completely useless."_ Aden argued, _"I learnt so much about potions and plants."_

_"All i learned was useless history, the war between heaven and hell, origin stories, blah, blah. Who cares about that"_

_"History is never useless."_ Lexa chided.

 _"I know someone who can help. Maybe."_ Anya said, _"We can't trust him, but he owes me."_

_"Who?"_

_"Russell Lightbourne."_ Anya said.

The other four looked at her with various degrees of shock on their face. Russel Lightbourne is one of the five original vampires, no one knows where he is or if he's even alive anymore. No one's seen or heard from him in 500 years.

 _"I helped him a while ago. I can't tell you the details because he swore me to secrecy, but anyways, he owes me. I'll leave tomorrow to talk to him. He lives somewhere in the Himalayas."_ Anya said as she paced the small room, already forming a plan, _"I need all details of the situation, don't leave anything out. I should be back in a week, it probably won't even take that long."_

 _"Are you sure? I can't ask you to do that. He's a dangerous guy."_ Lexa said.

 _"Lexa, you're my people and i always take care of my people."_ Anya assured.

 _"I'll go with you."_ Luna said, _"Trust me you'll need me. I'm good with traps."_

 _"But it's Raven's first day back after the accident."_ Lexa frowned - Luna was so excited to be there for her tomorrow, but if she goes with Anya, she won't be able to.

 _"It's fine, Anya will need my help, something tells me she doesn't have much patience."_ Luna snickered, _"And i know for a fact that guy is the god of traps. I would love to meet him, maybe get a pointer or two."_

 _"See, the library was not as useless as you thought."_ Aden said cheekily.

 _"Don't get so cheeky with me, mister."_ Luna flicked him forehead.

 _"Yeah, you're right. I'm good with traps but they suck, i would rather let you deal with all of them."_ Anya shrugged.

 _"I will-"_ Lexa began.

 _"No."_ Anya and Luna said in unison.

 _"Fine. Thank you, both of you._ " Lexa smiled.

 _"Anything for you."_ Anya ruffled her hair.

Anya and Aden left to go back home while Luna left to talk to Raven. Lincoln and Lexa chatted some more before the exhaustion of the day caught up to Lexa as her eyes began to droop. Lincoln sat near Lexa reading a book, not wanting to leave her alone until she's recovered enough to protect herself - Lexa had Aden's potion and her nightblood abilities, so she should be fine after a nap and some food. 

Lexa smiled at Lincoln. Despite how the day started, everything turned out to be good - well, as good as it can be. She felt safe and happy here surrounded by people who love her. Tituts always drilled her about how 'love is weakness' but in this moment, he couldn't be any more wrong.

 _"Heart attack sucks."_ Lexa muttered as she slipped into unconsciousness.

* * *

_"Raven's in her room."_ Clarke said as she opened the door, _"Everything okay?"_

 _"Yeah, i just have to leave for a week tomorrow so i came to say goodbye."_ Luna answered, _"I wanted to be there for her tomorrow but this is urgent. Take care of her yeah?"_

 _"Oh, of course, ummmm, is Lexa okay? She didn't reply to my messages."_ Clarke asked.

 _"Oh, yeah, she's fine. Just something came up, she'll call you up in a while."_ Luna stated.

_"Oh. Okay."_

Luna left as soon as she could, she could not tell Clarke that her girlfriend just had a heart attack and is currently reeling from it - Lexa would kill her if she slipped up. 

_"Hey, babe. What's up?"_ Raven asked worriedly.

She had got a text from Luna telling 'she wanted to talk' and there's only one type of 'talk' she could think about - why else would Luna text her at 10 in the evening.

" _I have to leave tomorrow morning with Anya and I'll be back in probably a week, so I just wanted to let you know. I'm sorry, i know tomorrow is your first day back to school and i won't be there."_ Luna apologized as she slid next to Raven on the bed and kissed her.

 _"Can you tell me why?"_ Raven asked snuggled against her.

_"We're going to look for someone, but i can't tell you more than that. Sorry but it's better if you don't know."_

_"Is it dangerous?"_ Raven asked, she already knew it had something to do with Lexa.

 _"No. No really."_ Luna lied, it was a bit dangerous but no use worrying Raven, _"I_ _want you to know, i love you and if this wasn't so important, i would be there for you tomorrow, okay? I'm going to miss you."_

 _"I know, i love you too."_ Raven sighed.

She was a bit sad that Luna wouldn't be there for her first day back after the accident, but whatever reason she needed to find that guy, must be important. 

_"Wake me before you leave."_ Raven mumbled sleepily.

 _"Okay."_ Luna said kissing her temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The show robbed us of Anya-Lexa dynamic :(  
> let me know what you think about this one....


	16. What Are You Going To Do About That? Punish Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nightmare-ish memory...  
> A fight scene...  
> A short Clexa moment...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoy ~

Lexa wished she never fell asleep.

 _"This is just a nightmare."_ she repeated for the hundredth time.

But no matter how many times she repeated those words, they'll never be true. It wasn't exactly a nightmare, it was a memory - a memory she visits too often to forget - and a part of her doesn't want to forget, it's the last memory she has of her Costia.

 _"I'm sorry."_ Lexa said.

The girl covered in blood standing in front of her laughed, but it wasn't her laugh - Costia never laughed like that - Costia would never laugh while stepping over a child she drained of blood.

_This isn't her._

_"You have nothing to be sorry about, my love."_

Lexa used to love when she called her that - but right now, she hates it - it feels tainted.

_Please let me wake up._

_"Look at me."_ she says gleefully twirling around, _"I've never been better in my entire life. I can have anything i could ever want."_

Lexa knows, she should end it soon, just a stab to the heart and it will all be over, but she can't. She can't do it, not yet. Not until she's absolutely sure there's nothing she can do to save the girl she loves - and logically, she knows there's nothing she can do, but can you really blame her for hoping.

 _"Costia please, stop this madness, this...... this is not you!"_ Lexa pleads uselessly.

 _"Oh but it is now."_ Costia wipes blood from the corner of her mouth and smears it on Lexa's lips, gently grabbing her chin, _"Join me, Lex. I know you want to. You never wanted to be commander, so join me. We'll be free to do anything we want. The power we'll have together, think about it. And we'll be just like the old times, you and me against the world."_

Lexa hates the treacherous part of her that agrees with Costia, but she made a promise to Costia - her Costia, not the one in front of her. They knew it was a possibility, something could happen to Costia - because she was Lexa's - and she made Lexa swear to kill her if she goes into madness.

Lexa wished she wasn't the commander. She wished she was just a normal girl - or a normal witch - living in a normal town with her girlfriend, worrying about homework and dates, not about how much time they have left together.

 _"You wouldn't want this."_ Lexa whispered, _"The real you, the one not consumed by hunger and madness."_

_"Oh Lexa..... this is the real me now. But you know what will never change? I want you and I always will."_

Lexa surges forward and plant's her lips on Costia's - she can taste the blood of her victims, but in that moment Lexa can't bring herself to care. Costia grabs the back of her neck, just like she has the thousand times they've kissed earlier and Lexa let's herself have this moment.

 _"I'm sorry."_ she whispers against her lovers lips before plunging her silver dagger into her heart.

Costia gasps and pushes away from Lexa, but stumbles and falls. Lexa catches her before she hits the ground, gently lowering them both. 

_"I love you."_ Lexa sobs, _"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've never loved you."_

 _"Don't.....be......it's......not......your......fault."_ Costia gasps, clinging on to the wisp of strength left in her, _"Promise....me......you......won't......close......your......heart. Love.....is.....not......weakness.......ai...hodnes."_

Lexa thinks it's cruel of her to ask that. How is she supposed to survive if she leaves her heart open to be trampled upon? She's the commander, millions of lives depend on her and she can't be weak - she can't have her heart crushed by the pain of loving someone again - one time is enough.

But she loves Costia and would do anything for her.

_"I promise."_

Costia smiles - one last time - and Lexa smiles back at her although her heart is breaking into million little pieces with every second.

Lexa lets out a heart wrenching scream when she feels her love go limp in her arms.

Storm clouds gather around the previously clear sky and the wind picks up, howling loud enough to drown out Lexa's sobs, the ground underneath her trembles as thunder booms overhead. 

Just as abruptly as everything started, it stops.

_"Yu gonplei ste odon, ai hodnes."_

* * *

Lexa woke up gasping and shaking, tears flowing down her face and sobs wrack her body. It's been two years and she's made her peace with Costia's death, but sometimes it haunts her.

She ran a trembling hand through her hair, taking deep breaths to calm herself - her chest aches and she's not sure whether it's her ribs or the heartache the follows the nightmare - maybe both.

She quietly slips out of the empty room into the bathroom and freshen ups, all traces of her shaken up state gone down the drain - literally.

She heard Luna and Anya shuffling around in the living room and stepped out to see then off - it's the least she can do.

 _"Morning."_ Luna greeted.

 _"Lexa, I think you should take off from school and rest."_ Anya said.

 _"No need for that, i just have to avoid too much physical for a while and I'll be fine in a day or two."_ Lexa shrugged, _"As long as I don't get into a fight, I'll be fine."_

 _"Yeah, it's not like anyone's going to attack her."_ Luna smirked.

* * *

Luna jinxed it.

As soon as Lexa turned to her locker, someone threw a small blade at her - or well, they tried to - but thanks to her superior reflexes and training, instead of her the blade embedded itself on her locker.

 _"What the hell?"_ she turned around in fury.

Getting angry - or getting in a fight - was not the best idea at the moment because it strained her fragile heart and just made her chest ache.

But, on the bright side when she doubled over in pain slightly, she narrowly avoided the fist aimed at her face. 

A loud clang echoed through the mostly-empty corridor as the fist collided with the locker and the three uninvolved bystanders made a run for it, not wanting to be involved in a fight.

 _"Who the fuck are you?"_ she grumbled, discreetly massaging her chest to try and alleviate the pain.

Three jocks stood in front of her and three behind her, one of then cradling his hand which looked broken. Lexa did a quick sweep of her surroundings - they had her trapped in the middle of the corridor and they looked pretty angry at her.

 _"You'll pay for what you did to our alpha."_ guy number 5 said.

Lexa tilted her head and raised an expectant brow, waiting for them to elaborate.

 _"You fucking bitch!"_ guy number 2 growled, _"For what you did to Finn."_

 _"Oh."_ she shrugged, _"Well he shouldn't have put his filthy paws on my girl."_

_Though technically she wasn't exactly my girl at that time._

_"She belongs to Finn's."_ number 6 said, _"Everyone knows that."_

 _"Clarke does not belong to anyone but herself."_ she snapped, _"specially not to a loser like him."_

Guy number 3 stepped forward with a shout - a big mistake really, why would you announce to your enemy that you're going to attack - and tried to punched her, aiming for her abdomen.

At least he tried.

Lexa tsked as she stepped to the side and the guy stumbled forward with the force of his punch, she tripped him and he fell on the floor - face first - and the small crack was definitely his nose.

 _"Aren't you jocks supposed to be good at tackling others?"_ she rolled her eyes.

_Did they really expect to beat me up with such a sloppy form? Aden could easily take them._

She really should not agonize them further because fighting them would put too much strain on her heart but, she's never backed away from a challenge - what kind of commander would she be otherwise.

 _"Are those even allowed in school?"_ she said as the remaining four guys pulled out pocketknives.

 _"We run the town, we can to whatever we want._ " number 2 said looking really smug.

 _"If you agree to kneel in front of our alpha and beg for forgiveness, we might let you go."_ number 5 said.

 _"You've got a great body, I'm sure he'll forgive you after some service."_ number 4 said.

Lexa took a deep breath as the four snickered around her.

_Lexa, calm down, don't kill them, they're just some words - albeit words that make you want to kill them - but still, just words. You're just a normal school girl and you're going to avoid murder even though you can easily get away with it, because you're the fucking commander. Like a normal girl subjected to sexual harassment you're going to report them to the authorities._

_"He might even let that Griffin bitch accompany you."_ number 2 snickered.

_Fuck it._

Lexa punched number 2 and he staggered back holding his bleeding mouth - she's pretty sure he just lost half his teeth. Number 4 lunged at her with the knife, but she grabbed his hand and twisted it and the knife clattered on the floor as he screamed on pain. 

Number 5 was none the wiser as he thrust the knife forward. Lexa just moved to the side and he ended up stabbing number 6's shoulder who was probably planning to attack from the back.

She released number 4's arm with one last harsh twist and a satisfying crack, punched number 5's throat and kneed his stomach for good measure - can't have any of them catching her off gaurd - and pushed him onto number 6 who cried out when the knife got pushed deeper.

Lexa winced and groaned at the pain in her chest and leaned onto the nearby wall, fumbling with her bag. She pulled out a small pink vial with and hurriedly drank it. 

She's glad she had the foresight to bring a pain relieving potion with her.

_"Lexa?"_

Lexa stiffened and turned around quickly, stuffing the empty vial in her bag, trying to appear as normal as she could with 6 jocks in various levels of pain sprawled at her feet.

 _"H...hey, Clarke!"_ she greeted in a high pitched voice.

 _"Woah, what happened here?"_ a brunette besides Clarke said.

Lexa recognized her as Raven because Luna had showed her many pictures and not stopped talking about the brunette. Raven had a knee brace on her left leg and leaned heavily on a frowning Clarke.

 _"How much of this did you see?"_ Lexa asked tentatively.

 _"From when you punched that guy."_ Octavia supplied.

She wracked her brain for something to say that did not look like she was in a fight because Clarke had made her views on violence pretty clear - she hated violence - which was fine by Lexa because she didn't like violence much, it was just a necessity for her survival.

_You're the commander, Lexa! What happened to your critical thinking skill?_

_"In my defense, they attacked me first."_ it was the truth anyways.

 _"Are you okay? You looked in pain earlier."_ Clarke said.

 _"Yeah, I'm fine."_ Lexa walked over to the Clarke.

 _"You really like getting in trouble, huh?"_ Clarke pulled Lexa by her collar.

 _"What are you going to do about that?"_ Lexa smirked deviously and leaned in further, _"Punish me?"_

 _"Whoa, guys! There's a kid here, keep it PG."_ Octavia covered Madi's ears and eyes.

Lexa and Clarke pulled away quickly and blushed furiously. They had gotten a bit carried away and almost forgotten they had audience.

 _"I'm just gonna leave before i get further traumatized."_ Madi said.

 _"Sorry, Mads."_ Clarke called at het retreating form.

 _"Well, that was one hell of a first impression."_ Raven laughed, _"I'm Raven."_

 _"I've heard a lot about you."_ Lexa shook her hand, _"Lexa."_

_"Yeah, me too. Luna and Clarke can't shut up about how great you are."_

_"So you can't shut up about how great i am?"_ Lexa grinned.

 _"Shut up."_ Clarke grumbled and pulled Lexa in for a kiss.

The four girls walked towards their respective classes, the injured jocks left forgotten on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> personally, i think it could be better, but let me know what you think about this chapter :)


	17. You're Cute When You Blush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, it's been a while....  
> enjoy ~

Love is weakness.

Lexa grew up listening to the same phrase over and over again. Her father never failed to mumble these words in a drunken stupor, talking about how her mother broke his heart and ruined him, which was absrud because he ruined himself; and Titus, this was probably his favorite thing to say - to drone on and on about the weakness that got previous commanders killed.

She didn't really believe it, at least not at first. Because how could it be weakness when it's the reason people fight - to protect their loved ones, they lay their lives if they have to - surely that's no sign of weakness, right?

But when you're told something repeatedly, you start believing it - Lexa did too. 

Then, Costia happened and Lexa realized that when you have a reason to fight, you fight harder. But then, she lost Costia and it made her weak - she couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't be bothered to do anything at all - and she's the commander, she can't be weak.

Lexa realized, love is not weakness - not exactly - but losing your love, it makes you weak. So the solution? Don't fall in love.

The higher you climb, the harder you fall, so just don't climb.

Easy right?

But it's really not.

There's Clarke. Lexa isn't in love with her - not yet - but she's not very far from it, and who could blame her - Clarke's amazing. There's just something about the blonde that attracts her, maybe it's her smile or the way her eyes light up when she's talking about something she's passionate about or maybe it's the way she can just simply exist with Clarke or maybe it's just her - and she hasn't even known the blonde that long!

But that's what terrifies Lexa - what if what happened to Costia happened again? Sure, previous commanders have had significant others, but Clarke is a human, she won't be able to protect herself from other creatures.

It's been quiet lately, there's no imminent threat to the balance of the world, no wars brewing - except Nia trying her best to overthrow Lexa, but she's been doing it for years, so Lexa is pretty much used to it - the world is at peace. 

But for how long?

It's a nagging feeling in the back of her mind - and that feeling has always been right - that says this is just the calm before storm. Evidence A : Lexa's magic, Evidence B : the Arcadian barrier, Evidence C : Nia's been quiet - and that never happened before, it's almost like she's planning something big - Lexa makes a mental note to talk to Indra about it.

Her thoughts drift back to Clarke - if something does go wrong, how will she keep the blonde safe? She could take Clarke to Polis, but on what grounds? But before that, she'll have to tell Clarke she's a witch.

 _'What are you thinking so hard about?'_ Clarke slipped a peice of paper in front of her.

Lexa blinked, startled awake from her reverie and stole a glimpse at the teacher still droning on about something she doesn't care about because she already knows about it, more than the teacher - it's the last period anyways - before writing her reply and handing it back to Clarke.

 _'You.'_ she wrote.

 _'How charming'_ Clarke blushed.

_'For you? Always'_

_'We still on for movies?'_

_'Wouldn't miss it for the world.'_

Before Clarke could reply, the bell rang signaling the end of another boring day at school. Lexa sighed loudly - albeit too loudly because the two ahead of her turned to smirk at her.

 _"Tired, commander?"_ Raven dodged the half hearted kick.

 _"And here i thought council meetings were boring._ " Lexa mumbled, low enough only for Raven to hear who laughed.

 _"Come on, let's go."_ Clarke chuckled and pulled her along.

 _"Miss Woods, may i speak to you for a moment?"_ Marcus Kane called out to the group of four.

 _"Sure."_ Lexa smiled at Clarke before following Marcus, _"I'll meet you at the cars."_

 _"Is it just me or was Mr. Kane was very, i don't know respectful kind of?"_ Octavia frowned, _"Shouldn't it be the opposite?"_

 _"I thought so too."_ Clarke nodded, _"Some of the others too."_

 _"Whatever, let's go, my leg is killing me."_ Raven whined, trying to distract the two from that and it worked pretty well.

Although Clarke, Octavia, Lincoln, even Lexa and all her friends were there, Raven missed Luna. But she knew if Luna had any other choice, she would be here. That doesn't stop the yearning though.

* * *

_"How is he?"_ Lexa asked as she closed the door behind her.

 _"He took the blood and thankfully d_ _idn't go rouge. But he won't be back to school for a while, at least until he can control his hunger."_ Marcus informed, _"He'll be needing a witches charm too."_

A witches charm can be any metal charmed by a witch that allows a vampire to walk in the daylight comfortably as lomg as they have it in their possession. It's not hard to make, but vampires are notorious creatures and witches aren't really fond of them.

 _"Let Emori know about that."_ Lexa said, _"Is he sired to anyone?"_

_"No."_

Lexa internally sighed in relief - careful to maintain her stoic appearance - if Murphy had been sired to anyone, things could get complicated. He would've become a slave to that person and Lexa didn't really want to have to kill him, he's actually pretty fun to be around despite his attitude.

 _"Good. Let him know everything, since he's going to be a part of our world now."_ Lexa nodded at him and walked out, not waiting for his reply.

It doesn't take a genius - even though Lexa is one - to know Nia is planning something for Arcadia and Lexa's vacation is about to be cut short, she just hopes her powers are back till then, handling Nia without them could be tough.

She's been in Arcadia for a month and a half and she already doesn't want to leave - here she can be just herself, without the added responsibility of countless people and she's thoroughly enjoying it.

But it's going to be time to face reality soon.

 _"Why the long face?"_ Clarke asked.

Lexa blinked, a bit startles at the sudden appearance of the blonde who's occupied her mind a lot lately.

 _"I waited for you._ " Clarke said at the - insanely cute - confused frown on Lexa's face.

 _"You didn't have to, but thanks."_ Lexa smiled.

 _"Well, it's a part of the girlfriend duty."_ Clarke grinned.

Lexa's eyes widened at the words and when Clarke realized what she had said, she froze. They've been on just one date - a fabulous one - and they've known each other for about two weeks, was it too soon?

It took weeks for Clarke to refer herself as Finn's girlfriend, but with Lexa it was different. Special. But was it the same for Lexa? Did Lexa feel the same? Why isn't she saying anything? Does she not want to?

Lexa was stunned and in the good way. The day she ascended, she knew her days were numbered and even before that, she had to grow up faster than others. She's never really known slow, so for her it doesn't matter that she's known Clarke for barely two weeks because, she wants Clarke. All of her.

Lexa smiled and it was warm and reassuring and slightly teasing, _"Well, i guess I'll have to take my girlfriend duties seriously too, since my girlfriend is so amazing, can't fall behind right?"_

 _"Yeah?"_ Clarke said hesitantly.

 _"Yeah._ " Lexa reassured.

Clarke grinned and pulled her in for a soft kiss, later Lexa turned away to hide her flushed face, but the tip of her ears gave it away anyways.

 _"You're cute when you blush."_ Clarke laughed and pulled her along.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is really short, I've just been in a bit of a bind with this story because i want it to be good and nothing i wrote before this felt good enough and i just can not half-ass it.
> 
> this chapter is basically me venting about how love can be weakness, so let me know what you think about the chapter and all in the comments :)


	18. It's Okay To Be Scared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ~

_"Lexa-"_ Clarke paused as she returned from the kitchen with more popcorns.

They had finished The Jungle Book first, with Lexa commenting that she can totally relate to the movie - muttering something about a Nia as the tiger, Gustus as the bear and Indra as the panther - not that it made much sense to Clarke, but Lexa enjoyed herself and that's all that mattered to the blonde.

They had ended up watching The Lion King after that, because Lexa hadn't watched that either and watching Lexa's expression throughout the movie was probably the most entertaining thing ever for Clarke - she didn't watch the movie because she was too busy watching Lexa's teary eyes when Simba tried to wake his father or Lexa glaring daggers at the hyenas and Scar everytime they came on screen.

Clarke loved and savored every moment of it.

She filled all those looks and emotions in her mind to try and sketch them out later - not that they could ever even compare to the real thing, but a girl can try.

In the five minutes it took Clarke to get more popcorns, Lexa must've fallen asleep with her head resting on the armrest of the couch and her hands pillowed under her head while her body was tilted sideways, facing the TV - she probably didn't mean to fall asleep.

This was the most relaxed Clarke had seen Lexa. The brunette was always on edge, as if waiting for someone to attack her at any given moment. It wasn't obvious though, but the subtle clenching of her jaw or the tense posture gave it away sometimes.

Clarke knew because she couldn't keep her eyes off Lexa even of she tried - not that she wants to, the girl is a sight for sore eyes.

Clarke looked at the clock, it's just 8pm and Lexa looked exhausted earlier, so there's no need to wake her up, although sleeping on the couch did look a bit uncomfortable.

Clarke stood with the bowl of popcorns in her hand and stared at Lexa for a minute before she felt the urge to draw her - it might be kinda creepy, but it's been a while since she's wanted to draw anything so she'll let herself have it.

Clarke dropped the bowl in the kitchen, switched off the TV and quietly walked to her room and grabbed a blanket for Lexa even though the house's heating was working, you can never be too careful.

After she was sure Lexa was as comfortable as one could get on the couch, she walked to what her father called her art room. She hadn't been here since the accident, she had no motivation at all specially since her dad would probably never be able to see it.

But now, she had a new muse - Lexa. She was simply perfect in Clarke's eyes and anyone who thinks otherwise probably needs to get their eyes checked. 

Clarke stood in front if the art room door - she still doesn't feel ready to brave that room - after a moment of deliberation, she walked away. So she walked into her room and grabbed the new sketchbook - that she totally did not buy to solely dedicate to Lexa - and a piece of charcoal and made herself comfortable on sofa chair adjacent to Lexa.

Clarke was too engrossed in sketching the prefect contours of Lexa's sleeping face, when Lexa started to stir, her brows furrowed and her breathing turned erratic - telltale signs of a nightmare.

In an instant Clarke was beside her.

 _"Lexa, hey, wake up."_ she said softly.

Lexa sat up with a jolt, almost crashing into Clarke but somehow she managed to backaway at the last second. Her breathing was still ragged and she took in her surroundings with unfocused eyes.

It was the dream - nightmare, memory, whatever you wanna call it - she's had countless times in the past, Costia's death. But this time, it wasn't Costia. It was Clarke. But at least she woke up before the bad part.

 _"Hey, it's okay. it was just a nightmare."_ Clarke cupped Lexa's face gently and Lexa leaned into the touch.

In that moment, Clarke could feel Lexa's sadness - she could even see it in the unshed tears - and it broke her heart, she wished she could take it away from her, no one - especially someone as amazing as Lexa - deserved to feel like that.

Clarke tucked a strand of stray brown hair behind her ears and rubbed soothing circles on her cheek until her breathing returned to normal.

 _"I'm sorry, i didn't mean to fall asleep."_ Lexa said after a moment, she was feeling better already - Clarke's touch has that effect on her.

 _"It's okay, you looked exhausted."_ Clarke smiled, _"Do you wanna talk about it?"_

 _"Do you?"_ Lexa countered.

_"Touché."_

Lexa was looking at Clarke with that soft smirk-smile thing she does that definitely does not do things to Clarke - or make her want to do things to Lexa - so Clarke gently lifted her chin with her index finger and dipped down to bring their lips together.

It was soft and sweet, until it wasn't.

Clarke bit down on Lexa's bottom lip and her mouth parted in surprise as she moaned. Clarke slipped her tongue in and licked the inside of Lexa's mouth. Lexa whimpered as Clarke pulled away to breath.

Lexa pulled Clarke in by the back of her neck and Clarke easily obliged as she shifted to straddle the brunette. Lexa gripped Clarke's waist and pulled her in until there was no space between their bodies.

 _"Of course you have abs."_ Clarke murmured against her lips as she pressed against the taut muscles.

Lexa grinned into the kiss, feeling like a teenager for the first time in the past two years - the last time she felt even remotely close to this was with Costia and even then it wasn't so exhilarating - as much a she tried not to think about it, she couldn't help but feel a bit afraid.

 _"What's wrong?"_ Clarke pulled back from the kiss and looked into worried green orbs.

 _"You scare me."_ Lexa blurted.

 _"I scare you?"_ Clarke said incredulously - did this goddess of a woman just say she's scared of her?

 _"In a way."_ Lexa paused, she's never had a problem with words - being good at negotiation is very important as Heda - but feelings have never been her forte, _"I'm not used to it."_

 _"What? Feelings?"_ Clarke frowned.

Lexa nodded and Clarke's face softened a bit as she huffed out a laugh. She rested her forehead against Lexa's shoulder as her body trembled in silent laughter.

 _"Clarke?"_ Lexa asked feeling a bit addled.

 _"God, you're adorable."_ Clarke said and looked at Lexa fondly, _"It's okay to be scared Lex, feelings are scary and confusing and most of the times they don't make sense, but that's fine because i don't think feelings are supposed to make sense. My point is, it's alright to be afraid as long as you don't let that fear dictate you."_

Lexa looked at Clarke with her brows furrowed - and Clarke resisted the temptation to smooth them out - for a while, trying to absorb the words and Lexa realized, that's exactly what she's been doing. 

_"Yeah, you're right."_ Lexa smiled at Clarke with what could only be described as love in her eyes and Clarke blushed at the realization.

_Spoken like a true leader._

_"I'm always right, babe. The sooner you learn that, the better."_ Clarke grinned as Lexa blushed at the petname.

Lexa's eyes shifted from Clarke to the piece of paper lying besides her and she stretched to grab it. It was times like these she really missed magic - sometimes you just don't want to get up and grab a glass of water, so you can just use a simple spell to summon it.

 _"It's not finished yet."_ Clarke said.

_"Will i sound like a narc if i say it's really pretty?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Well if complimenting your art makes me a narc, so be it."_ Lexa smirked, _"It's beautiful."_

 _"Well, I had a really pretty model."_ Clarke said cheekily.

 _"I think the artist is prettier."_ Lexa said, making Clarke blush.

It was then, that the front door opened with a bang and Raven and Madi's voice flitted through the living room.

 _"Honeyy! I'm hooomee!"_ Raven hollered.

 _"Thanks for the ride, Octavia."_ Madi called out before entering.

Clarke sighed and buried her face in the crook of Lexa's neck, inhaling her soothing scent - Lexa always smelled like the forest, of pine trees, damp soils and wildflowers - it was just like sitting in a meadow surrounded by a lush forest. 

_"I hope you're not having sex on the couch, because the no sex in common area rule applied to you too."_ Raven smirked as she saw the two.

 _"Fuck off Raven."_ Clarke mumbled.

 _"I would but Luna isn't here."_ Raven shrugged and collapsed on the couch besides the two with a groan.

 _"You okay? How was the rest of your day?"_ Clarke asked.

 _"Except a few i thought you were dead questions, It was good."_ Raven laughed.

Her day, was in fact not good - she felt wierd and uneasy because of the brace and she hated the pitying looks - but she wasn't going to tell Clarke that, god knows the girl already blames herself enough. Her leg hurts and staying in the bed for so long has completely destroyed her stamina, so she was exhausted. But it was nice being out there.

 _"It's late, I should get going."_ Lexa said, it's almost 9pm.

 _"Are you going to walk home? It's pretty dark."_ Clarke frowned.

 _"Really, Clarke? That's what you're worried about? After the morning incident? I would pray for the other guy."_ Raven scoffed.

 _"Not to brag but I've won against Anya and Lincoln."_ Lexa said looking entirely too smug.

 _"Okay."_ Clarke drawled out with a laugh, _"I'll walk you out."_

 _"Oh wow, the Clarke Griffin willingly offering to step out in the cold? Never thought i would see this day."_ Madi said.

 _"It's the power of the goodnight kiss, Mads."_ Raven smirked.

Clarke rolled her eyes and flipped off the two laughing on the couch and followed Lexa out to talk some more to Lexa and also do exactly what Raven said.

 _"Just because you're good at fighting doesn't mean you have to get into fights."_ Clarke scolded.

 _"I didn't even do anything, though. They just came and ganged up at me to take revenge for Finn."_ Lexa shrugged.

_"I'm sorry, it's my fault isn't it, or else they wouldn't have bothered you."_

_"Clarke. Look at me."_ Lexa said sternly, _"What happened_ _is not your fault. He decided to drug you. He decided to be a dick about it. It was all him. None of it was your fault. And I will not stand for you blaming yourself for something that you didn't do neither did you have any sort of control over. Do you understand?"_

_"I know it's not my fault, but-"_

_"No buts, Clarke. You're the victim here and he's lucky to get away with it because you decided to not take any action and although i don't agree with it, I respect your decision. But all this, it's on him."_

_"Okay."_ Clarke nodded.

 _"And as far as me getting into fights is concerned, it would've happened sooner or later. I have a knack for trouble. So don't worry your pretty little head over it. Okay?"_ she joked lightly to diffuse some of the tension.

 _"Okay, but try not to get into trouble."_ Clarke sighed and pulled Lexa in for a hug.

 _"Trust me i try."_ Lexa huffed.

Clarke pulled back from the hug and leaned in to kiss Lexa, who let out a surprised gasp - even though she knew the kiss was coming - Lexa doesn't think she'll ever get used to it.

_"Goodnight, Clarke."_

_"Goodnight, Lexa."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me projecting my thoughts   
> anyways,  
> let me know what you think about the chapter in the comments :)


	19. What Kind Of Sleeping Beauty Bullshit Is That?!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PLOT!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no Clexa in this chapter  
> enjoy ~

Lexa collapsed on her bed with a sigh.

She's exhausted.

She can't sleep without being plagued with nightmares and she knows those are warnings from her predecessors that reside inside the flame - sometimes she wished she could just take it out for a while and give her mind some rest.

But it's not even about that.

It's her heart, if they don't find a solution in the next month, she'll die - no one diagnosed it, but she knows her body and it won't last much longer - even though she can't use magic, it's still being produced inside her and with no outlet, it's just keep going to accumulate until her heart can't take it anymore and burst. Literally.

If she wasn't a prodigy with unusually high amount of magic, then she would've had more time - but unfortunately, she's too strong for her own good right now.

She hasn't told anyone that information, because how do you tell people that care about you that you're going to die? Plus, she doesn't want to make create useless panic.

She's in constant pain, since the past week - sometimes it's a dull ache that she can ignore and sometimes it's like her heart is trying to break through her ribcage - but she can handle it. For now. She's not sure how long she can keep it from her extremly observant cousins and siblings.

If she had realized this earlier, she probably would not have gotten close to Clarke - losing people is hard and Lexa would never want the blonde to go through that - but even if she breaks it off with Clarke now, she'll still end up hurting her and maybe she's just being selfish, but if her days are numbered, she doesn't want to spend them regretting breaking things off with Clarke and having half of their friend group hating her. 

Death never really scared her much, because she had accepted it the day she had ascended - all she really cared was to be able to make some sort of difference in this world, to make it a better place for everyone and she's been doing a pretty good job at it.

This is the most peace people have seen in the past several years. She's changed various laws to make that happen and it was hard, specially after Costia's death and the increased number of enemies she made by changing the laws - it also caused a spike in the number of assassination attempts - but Lexa held on through those times, even though all she wanted was to live like a normal kid. 

She did it so they wouldn't have to.

The sound of the door opening downstairs made Lexa grab a dagger from her bedside drawer - the house was safe, but you can never be too careful - no one was supposed to be home until at least the next hour.

_"Lexa?"_

Lexa sighed and dropped the dagger back in the drawer and walked downstairs to meet Luna and Anya. The returned way earlier than she expected - it just took them just 3 days - so it's probably nothing good.

 _"You're back early."_ she remarked.

 _"Yeah, turns out your beloved sister here, is not good with planes so we had to teleport instead. It took less time but I'm fucking exhausted."_ Anya scowled at said sister.

 _"It was terrifying. I somehow held on when we were going, but there's no way i was doing that again."_ Luna shook her head, _"_ _So we found something, but it's pretty much impossible."_

_"You'll need an angel's kiss. Willingly._ _Or else we could've just forced one, but we can't even do that."_ Anya said the last part more to herself - she's not above using underhand methods to get what she wants.

Lexa blinked a few times and stared blankly at the two girls sitting opposite her, waiting for them to laugh it off and give her something better than that. But nothing like that happened.

 _"What kind of sleeping beauty bullshit is that?!"_ she scoffed.

 _"That's exactly what I said!"_ Luna said.

 _"Yeah well that's impossible! First of all, finding an angel would be hard. Secondly, they might not even agree. Thridly, if miraculously the previous conditions were met, I'll die if something as pure as an angel's energy enters my body."_ Lexa pinched the bridge of her nose.

This is an impossible situation.

Angels don't ever reveal themselves and are surprisingly good at staying hidden, and there's always a possibility they might refuse and you can't force it either, because the kiss has to be given willingly. Even if that happens, Lexa is a nightblood - a half demon - her energy is the exact opposite of an angel and those energies clashing in her body will most likely kill her.

Waves of distress rolled off Lexa, making the other two worried - not that they weren't already - but they don't know what else to do. They can't let anyone else know and they can't ask anyone else because people can not be trusted.

_"I'll be leaving for Polis in a few days for the monthly meeting. I'll try finding out more over there."_

Since they can't do anything about it, Lexa might as well tie up some loose ends back in Polis. She already knows who the next commander will be, she's trained Aden herself, there's no way he would lose the conclave.

The message was clear to Luna and Anya - this topic is closed and they shouldn't talk about it anymore, unless Lexa wants to - but that didn't mean the two would stop looking, they love and respect Lexa too much for that. 

They might not like each other much, but they can cooperate for Lexa's sake.

 _"Okay._ " they said.

* * *

_"Father, you called?"_ Vivian said as she knocked at the door to her father's study.

_"Yes."_

She walked in and shut the door behind her. She's been in this room, only two times before and no one's allowed here unless they're called for - once to be assigned her work for the half angel and the next time to show the results. 

This time will probably be no different.

It's a large room with a table in the middle, a master chair facing the door and two other on it's opposite side - a common office layout - there are two large windows behind that, showing the main torture grounds and the room always makes Vivian feel uncomfortable.

She stood by the side of the chair because he didn't told her to sit after all and stared at the annoyingly white table - it was made of bones, which she thought was really ridiculous, but who she to criticize him - this entire room is a cliché, at least the humans got something right.

 _"Do you know why I can not leave hell?"_ he asked.

_Because you're an egoistical manian that tired to overthrow god so you can rule all of heaven and earth and ended up losing and sent to hell as a punishment. Then you were dumb enough to try again and ended up sealed down here with a piece of your heart stolen so you won't be able to use your full power._

_"No."_ she replied instead, she's not supposed to know that, no one is.

 _"I had a piece of my heart taken. Many of my followers have tried finding it, but they always fail. But you won't, right?"_ he smiled at her.

 _"No, sir."_ she replied and suppressed the shudder than ran through her body at that smile. 

_"Good. The last i heard, it's somewhere in the mortal realm and Becca Praimheda had something to do with it. You're permitted to leave hell and use whatever resources you need."_ he said, _"Don't disappoint me."_

 _"Yes, sir."_ she said and hurried out of the room.

She just got an impossible assignment, but at least she'll get to see her babies. The last time she saw them was years ago - she saw Luna when she had run away from the conclave, but she hasn't seen Lexa and Aden since he was 4 - since then they could only exchanged letters. 

She and her siblings can't leave hell without a good enough reason and permission from their father; he runs a pretty tight ship. Due to her rebellious behavior a while ago - it was the time when she had Luna, Lexa and Aden, she wasn't going to leave them untill she knew they would be taken care of - she had been restricted to leave hell for a while. 

Recovering the information about the half angel was the chance to redeem herself - her father's words, not her's, because the best things ever happened to her in those times and she wasn't going to redeem herself for that - so she took that chance, she already knew about the half angel anyways.

She's really worried about Lexa too. Unfortunately she couldn't drag out anything from her brother yet - he's surprisingly resilient - but everyone has a breaking point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love Vivian's character because she loves her kids and would do anything for them and that's the kind of parent everyone deserves.
> 
> i hope i explained the plot properly enough cuz i don't have a beta reader so I'm not sure if ppl will actually understand it or not   
> (╯︵╰,)
> 
> leave a comment cuz they honestly make my day :)


	20. Killing You While You're Defenseless Isn't Really Fun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of a filler chapter, but i loved writing it because Vivian is now one of my favorite (sorry this is really short)
> 
> enjoy~

Vivian parked her black Triumph Thruxton RS under the shade of a tree in the hospital parking - she might've lived in the burning pit that is hell for most of her life, but she does not enjoy the heat - and looked around curiously.

She's never been to a hospital and it's interesting, to say the least. It's the place where life and death co-exist, a rare occurrence. It's also a sanctuary in the supernatural world since the new commander's law prohibits any act of violence in or near a hospital - she's proud of Lexa for doing that, but then again it's hard not to be proud of Lexa, the girl is special.

She wrinkled her nose at the strong smells that assaulted her - it smelled like death, bleach and whatever the other bad smell was - it's kind of like being back at the dungeons back home.

 _"Umm, hi? I'm here to see Jake Griffin."_ she said to the receptionist.

 _"Are you a relative? Only relatives are allowed to see him."_ the boy replied.

Vivian groaned internally. She really didn't want to do it this way.

 _"I'm sure we can work something out."_ she said in a low raspy voice, leaned forward at the counter and stared into his eyes.

 _"Sure, why don't you follow me."_ he smirked.

Vivian grimaced at that but followed him anyways. She hates using 'demonic seduction' to get things done - it amplifies the other person's sexual desire, but it doesn't work on some people, like the asexuals amd it's a bit hilarious to watch the succubi fail to seduce someone since that's what they like to boast about.

It makes her feel violated. She'll never get how other demons actually enjoy this, but then again, there's a reason why she was the tainted one.

She's stopped having sex with men ever since Aden anyways, since she's extra fertile or something - demons don't usually get pregnant that easily - and keeping three kids a secret is hard enough without adding a fourth - or god forbids a fifth - to the mix.

Women are way better at it anyways.

_"It's room 307. Now why don't you-"_

She hit him on the back of the head before he could complete that sentence and left him in the empty room. Now that she knows the room number, it'll be easy to find Jake. It would've been even easier if he wouldn't mask his energy, but if he didn't do that, there will be a line of people wanting to kill him and she would be on the front - he's pissed off a lot of people, including her.

 _"Found you."_ she grinned triumphally, _"The mighty Jacob Griffith."_

Jake used to be one of the elite angels before his fall, one might even say he was the best of them - kind, compassionate, strong - so his fall shocked everyone, even the demons because the only way for an angel to fall was if they did something 'evil' and no one believed he would do something like that.

But it's not like he had a choice.

He did it for his kid because if someone found out about the kid, it wouldn't end well for either the kid or the world and Jacob chose his kid. That Vivian can respect - doesn't change the fact that she hates him though, he's an arrogant prick - she would let the world burn if that meant keeping her kids safe.

To say Jake looked terrible now, would be an understatement.

His face looked hollow and sunken, his body was skinny - he's lost all the muscles everyone used to foam around - and his shiny hair were turning grey. If he was awake right now, she would've loved mocking him.

No matter how many machines they connect to him, or surgeries and treatments they do, he won't ever wake up - he's almost as good as dead now.

Being in a demon's nightmare does that to you. There's no escape unless you die.

Vivian walked near the bed and over to the various machines, wires and tubes - why were there so many of them?

_"Killing you while you're defenseless isn't really fun, but well, beggars can't be choosers now, can they."_

She removed the wires connected to Jake first, in case any of them are connected to some kind of emergency alarm and people burst in - it'll be hard to handle that without violence and she really does not want her kids to see that part of her - and then one by one the tubes that have been keeping him alive. 

He'll die without them. But that's kind of the point.

_"May we meet again."_

_"Just kidding, i never want to see your face."_ she laughed.

Vivian pulled out the last tube.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think about it in the comments :)


	21. Why Are You So Perfect?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW : Implied self harm, Reference to depression

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy ~

Clarke was not having a good day.

There was nothing wrong with the day exactly, it was a beautiful day, the sun was shining and it wasn't too cold today. It was the perfect kind of day for a picnic.

But she just felt empty.

It was probably because of last night.

Raven had always been independent, the type of girl that never needed anyone's help, so having to let other's help her wasn't exactly her strong suit. She snapped at Luna last night and then at Madi and finally Clarke. The only person she didn't snap at was Abby, because she wasn't at home.

It's all Clarke's fault anyways. If she had been paying a little more attention to the road, if she had seen the truck passing the red light sooner, if she had swerved the car in another direction, then maybe the outcome would've been different. Maybe, her dad wouldn't be in a coma. Maybe Raven didn't have to be in so much pain. 

It was all her fault and all she got was a concussion and a few scratches. 

After finally calming Raven last night, Clarke had felt that urge again, it clawed at her skin like a hungry beast trying to escape it's cage and she wanted to let it out. She wanted to feel something. Anything. Anything but the emptiness and the heaviness.

She just wanted to let it all bleed out.

But, she couldn't. 

Raven needed her and she couldn't be selfish. 

So she spent a restless night, cuddled with Raven and Madi. Usually she would've enjoyed it, but not that night. 

This morning, she woke up feeling worse than she had in a long time. It was like the night on the cliff all over again. It's not that she wanted to die, she didn't, but it was too much. The emptiness, the heaviness, the sadness, the anger, everything was too much. She just wanted it to be over.

She didn't want to feel this way.

_"Clarke?"_

Clarke looked up to see Lexa's concerned face.

_Great, just another person i'm bothering. I'm going to end up hurting her sooner or later._

_"Yeah?"_ Clarke forced a smile.

When their eyes finally met, it felt like Lexa could see into Clarke's soul. Her forced smile fell at that.

 _"I'm sorry."_ she whispered.

 _"Do you trust me?"_ Lexa asked.

Clarke looked up hesitantly, but Lexa's face gave nothing away. She nodded slightly.

_"Come with me."_

_"Lexa, we're in class."_

_"You can't concentrate and i already know all of this. What's the point."_ the brunette shrugged.

_"But-"_

_"Is that a yes or a no?"_

Clarke thought over it. She doesn't want to bother Lexa, but it doesn't look like she's going to take no for an answer.

_"Okay. Fine, yes."_

Lexa grinned and stood up as soon as the bell rang. She grabbed Clarke's hand, intertwined their fingers and dragged her away from the masses. The two walked towards the back entrance of the school in silence - not that Clarke minded.

Lexa led them past the broken school fence - no matter how many times they repair it, it somehow ends up broken - and into the forest.

 _"Did you finally decide it was too much and are bringing me here to kill me?"_ she tried to joke.

Lexa turned around, sent her a curious look and laughed. Clarke smiled at the joyful noise and a warmth swelled up in her chest - a flower blooming amidst a battlefield.

_"Seriously Lexa, where are we-"_

Clarke froze when she saw the scene in front of her. She's lived in Arcadia her whole life, but she's never seen this.

They were standing at the edge of a field of white and purple Violas and Pansies spread across a clearing in the forest. 

Somehow in the time it took for Clarke to absorb the beautiful sight in front of her, Lexa had reached the middle of the field and that was the most beautiful sight Clarke had ever seen - Lexa surrounded by flowers - her hands itched to copy the sight on a paper.

 _"Look besides you."_ Lexa said.

Clarke had a hard time looking away from the sigh, but when she did, tears welled up in her eyes. Lexa had brought her a sketchbook and a few pencils - they weren't the right ones for sketching but, it's the thought that counts.

 _"Hey, what's wrong? Did i do something wrong? Are you okay? I'm sorry for whatever i did. Please don't cry."_ Lexa hovered around her, unsure of what to do.

Those words just made her cry more. 

Lexa was freaking out. She brought Clarke here to take her mind off whatever was bothering her. She didn't mean to make the blonde cry.

 _"I'm sorry."_ Clarke sobbed. She didn't know who she was apologizing to, but she was just sorry for everything.

Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke and the blonde buried her face in the crook of her neck as she cried.

She didn't know why she was crying, but she couldn't stop.

Lexa whispered sweet nothings in her ears as Clarke clung to her as if he life depended on it.

Clarke finally calmed down, but didn't move away from Lexa's neck - she smelled good too - she couldn't face Lexa right now. 

_"Better?"_ Lexa asked.

Clarke didn't trust her voice, so she just nodded.

_"It's okay. Take your time."_

_"Why are you so perfect?"_ she mumbled, her voice slightly muffled.

_"I'm hardly perfect Clarke."_

They both jumped when Clarke's phone rang.

She shifted around to pull it out without moving from Lexa's lap - she has no idea how she got there, but she's not complaining.

 _"Hello?"_ she called, her voice hoarse from the crying.

_"Clarke? Are you okay?"_

_"Yeah, I'm fine, mom. Why are you calling in the middle of school?"_

_"It's your father ."_ Abby said, _"He woke up."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those of you suffering from depression, just know that it'll be okay. Maybe not now, or tomorrow, or in a week, but someday. Just hold on until that someday. I promise it will be worth it.  
> hit me up on twitter if you ever wanna talk @terraknives {I have no real life, so i'll reply asap}
> 
> does this count as a plot twist? a cliffhanger? both?
> 
> let me know what you think in the comments :)  
> {your comments honestly make my day!}

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment :)
> 
> [tumblr](http://terraknives.tumblr.com/) [twitter](https://twitter.com/terraknives)


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